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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

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Original poster

to throw daughters skirt and top away

76 replies

ghostspirit · 09/06/2015 20:56

my daughter has bought a skirt and top on ebay it came from china. its totaly see through as in i can see her skin. she says she wants other peoples opions because im just being difficult about what shes wearing which is not true she wears what she wants. only issue i have is this skirt and top and cheap leggings from primark that are also see through.

she will be 18 next month

OP posts:

FenellaFellorick · 09/06/2015 21:13

Does she not believe you that they are see through, or does she know they are see through and believes that people walking down the street would love to look?

Original poster

ghostspirit · 09/06/2015 21:13

i could not find a skirt but the skirt is see through like theses throusers

OP posts:

Ohwhatfuckeryisthis · 09/06/2015 21:14

Did you never wear anything in your teens that your dm went all cats bummy about? I did. She may have been right, but no way would I admit it.

FenellaFellorick · 09/06/2015 21:15

tbh, I think it's the fashion. I see so many kids with either their arse hanging out, their undies on display or their clothes so see through they may as well not be wearing any that I have come to the conclusion this season's must have is exhibitionism.

Original poster

ghostspirit · 09/06/2015 21:18

fenella im always wrong i dont know anything. and i hope to think she does not walk the streets like that on purpose...but who knows

OP posts:

msgrinch · 09/06/2015 21:20

yabvu she's an adult. You have no right to tell her what to wear, let alone throw her clothes away! That's the fashion at the moment. I'm sure you did the same in your youth. Let her make her own choices.

Fairenuff · 09/06/2015 21:20

Is she going to an important interview? If not, leave her to it. She is too old to have her mum policing her clothing choices.

If you really want her to stop wearing it, wear the same yourself and she will immediately chuck her own clothes in the bin, saving you any more worry.

missymayhemsmum · 09/06/2015 21:20

Just be honest and tell her. DD, it's see through, it's indecent, you look like a stupid slapper in it, pllease get rid of it to save us both embarrassment. But be warned, she will take that as permission to make equally honest comments about your new outfit.

AndNowItsSeven · 09/06/2015 21:21

17 is not an adult.

Original poster

ghostspirit · 09/06/2015 21:21

maybe i should suggest the white shorts to her if she ignores me maybe i should let her get on with it and learn herself.

i just dont want her putting herself in a vonrable...(cant spell it) situation

OP posts:

WorraLiberty · 09/06/2015 21:24

17 is not an adult

She's 18 next month so there's no point in splitting hairs

Besides, at 17 she doesn't have to dress how her Mum wants her to and her Mum has no right to throw away someone else's property.

Original poster

ghostspirit · 09/06/2015 21:24

i know 18 is an adult but its not a button thats pressed over night and they are suddenly an adult.

OP posts:

EvansOvalPiesYumYum · 09/06/2015 21:25

She has to learn from her own mistakes.
My own DD wore the most horrid leggings with short tops and high heels, short 'bodycon' dresses with high heels showing low cleavage, fake tan, false eyelashes.
I told her how I thought she looked. She, of course, argued.
She had to find out for herself. NOW, she agrees with me (a couple of years down the line).

If you make the decision for her, your DD will never learn. She has to come to that decision on her own. Very difficult, I know. But you have to grit your teeth and let her find out for herself.

Original poster

ghostspirit · 09/06/2015 21:29

well some people have suggested a couple of ideas that are worth a try so i will do that.

but as much as she is very soon to be an adult that does not mean she acts like one...i dont think it would be nice of me or make me a good parent to let her go out like that. bit like when someone asks their mate does this dress suit me. friend: oh yes you look lovely really suits you...when really you look horrible...thanks mate

OP posts:

DinosaursRoar · 09/06/2015 21:30

When I were a lass (and 17/18) that there Kate Moss had popularised the actually delibrately see through lacy dress with big pants look - although I was never brave enough to go for the braless look with the see through frock, chosing the 'underwear to be seen in' bra of choice of the old front fastening wonderbra.

Unclench - she's a young woman, not a child. And this is the point in her life that if she's ever going to leave the house in a see-through outfit, it's going to look like she means it to be and it'll look the best she ever will. She's got decades when she can wear something tasteful and ladylike and look great, most woman only have a small window of opportunity to look truely great in some wisp of an outfit before gravity and childbirth take their toll.

If she was suggesting wearing it to go visit her Nan, or church, or a job interview, then you can reasonably say no, but for a night out? Let her be young and celebrate her youth. These days I have to wear underwear that's rather more like scaffolding and chose outfits that discreetly 'skim' my less toned areas, I'm glad I got to wear the wild outfits when I had the body to look hot in them.

Original poster

ghostspirit · 09/06/2015 21:33

evans my daughter does that now...but trainers instead. its just the see through thing im bothered about. if it was meant to be that way and you was meant to wear a little top under it or it might show abit of clevage some leg or what ever. but this shouts naked...maybe your right

OP posts:

CatsCantTwerk · 09/06/2015 21:35

Op, Can you send a link to ebay of the items she bought so we can have a proper look?

EvansOvalPiesYumYum · 09/06/2015 21:35

Ghost - you can give her your opinion, but you have no choice but to 'let her go out like that' - as has been explained. She will come to realise her mistakes in her own time (and she will).

When I was young, my Dad complained about my mini-skirts. Also, in the 80s, ankle chains were popular. He was outraged, as this was (apparently)a sign of prostitution. It was just the fashion in the 80s . . .

DinosaursRoar · 09/06/2015 21:36

oh and suggest big full pants and matching bra, tell her to make sure she's done her bikini line as it'll show if not...

Really, if your middle aged parents like your outfit and think it's tasteful at 17, you need to go get changed.

(clothes don't make her vunerable, that's a bit victim blaming and also would give her the false idea that if she covers up she's less likely to be raped, which is what i think you are alluding too.)

Original poster

ghostspirit · 09/06/2015 21:37

ok i get whats people are saying...but what about dodgey people about. theres been a few times shes come home upset that someone has tried to touch or grab her when shes been out.

OP posts:

EvansOvalPiesYumYum · 09/06/2015 21:39

Honestly, I could not tell you how many arguments I had with DD at the time of her wearing what I considered "unsuitable" outfits. But, she was of a similar age to your daughter, and I had no control, just trying to offer advice.
Truly, you won't be doing yourself (or her) any favours by forbidding anything at this age, as she will completely rebel. She really, really does need to find this out for herself. I know - it is so hard.

thenightsky · 09/06/2015 21:40

If they are that thin, cheap and crap, they'll soon disintegrate in the wash. Especially if the temperature is set too hot.

DinosaursRoar · 09/06/2015 21:40

ghostspirit - woman get raped in jeans and jumpers too.

You can't stop her being a victim by limiting her wardrobe choices, and by putting the idea in her mind you are setting her up to believe that if she's a victim, then it's her own fault.

You are also giving her the false impression of being safe in 'discreet' clothing.

EatShitDerek · 09/06/2015 21:41

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

PenelopePitstops · 09/06/2015 21:42

Dodgy people don't grab you because of see through clothes, they grab you because they are disgusting vile humans.

You can tell her it's see through, her choice after that.

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