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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

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Original poster

Lad's Holiday Again...

49 replies

Konstantine27 · 09/06/2015 11:25

My dh and his friend took a holiday together in Thailand earlier this year while I held fort back at home for six nights looking after our 18 month dd. I don't have an issue with him holidaying with friends, and I myself am taking a three night trip with a friend later on this year. But less than two months after this holiday they're planning another weekend away together to visit a friend in the South of France. Which would leave me in sole childcare for another three nights (our families don't live close by). AIBU to think this is taking the mickey, while we have a family trip booked later this year, we haven't been away together in the interim and while I didn't mind the initial trip I feel that two back to back trips is asking a lot of me. Not to mention the fact that this friend seems to be treating my husband like his new travel companion.

This friend is single so I don't have another female viewpoint on this to offer them and I feel like I'm going round in circles.... TIA

OP posts:

JeanSeberg · 09/06/2015 11:26

I view most trip by single males to Thailand as dodgy.

Only1scoop · 09/06/2015 11:29

Holidays in Thailand with male single friend

I guess France is only a few nights though....I wouldn't expect it to be a regular thing though. Is it just the two of them?

juneau · 09/06/2015 11:35

I think your DH is taking the mickey. I can see why he's doing it - going away with his mate for a few days to go to swanky bars, hang out with adults, sleep late and talk bollocks is much more fun that going on holiday with a toddler (which is no holiday at all!). But if the two of you are going to have separate holidays with friends they should be things you talk about, plan for, and make sure that the division of childcare is fair. If I was you, I'd be pissed off and I'd tell him so.

Original poster

Konstantine27 · 09/06/2015 11:36

I should clarify: My dh got the opportunity to travel to Thailand for business and accepted as this friend was currently out there with his sister. My husband attended the meeting in Bangkok on the Mon and then flew down to the south to join them for three days. It was a business trip, but then it's also fair to say he wouldn't have volunteered for the trip if the friend wasn't there.

OP posts:

WorraLiberty · 09/06/2015 11:39

Well that's a bit of a drip feed OP.

It's changed from lad's holiday to Thailand for six nights, to a business trip on which he spent 3 days with a friend

Only1scoop · 09/06/2015 11:40

So it's not a 'lads holiday again' then is it really

Yabu

EponasWildDaughter · 09/06/2015 11:41

I'd be unimpressed.

It's hard though, because in my situation it would be just as much about the money side of it as anything. We can only afford one modest family holls every other year at the mo. So the idea of DH swanning off to Thailand and then France with a single mate would go down like a lead balloon here.

Putting money and trust issues aside - as long as you're going to get an equal amount of time doing what you fancy then i suppose there's no problem. Will he be happy and competent being in sole charge of DC while you're away on a couple of breaks? Or will DC be sent round to ILs?

EponasWildDaughter · 09/06/2015 11:42

Oh x post.

mrstweefromtweesville · 09/06/2015 11:42

Dodgy as can be.
I don't known your 'dh' but I suspect him of
a) loving his friend
b) loving the people they meet on their holidays.
Sexual health clinic for you, before you say anything to him. See if there's any evidence to support my suspicions.

And let's say he's doing none of the things I suspect. He's still a bit of a louse to go off enjoying himself while you stay at home looking after your baby.

Original poster

Konstantine27 · 09/06/2015 11:48

It was 4 hours in a meeting room and then 4 days, 3 nights on one of the islands where they spent time snorkelling, going to bars and generally having a great time. I struggle to see it as a business trip when the meeting lasted less than 4 hours of the time he was out there.. And he wouldn't have volunteered had his friend not been there.

OP posts:

Klayden · 09/06/2015 11:49

Given your latest post, YABU.

TwinkieTwinkle · 09/06/2015 11:51

mrstweet are you for real? Where is there any evidence of unsavoury behaviour? Talk about jumping to conclusions!

OP, given the information in your update I think YABU.

Klayden · 09/06/2015 11:51

Cross posted, I mean your post before that.

WorraLiberty · 09/06/2015 11:54

mrstwee your post did make me laugh!

Sexual health clinic for you, before you say anything to him. See if there's any evidence to support my suspicions.

WayneRooneysHair · 09/06/2015 12:01

Fucking hell some people love to jump to conclusions on here!

susiedaisy · 09/06/2015 12:04

What will they do on holiday in France? Is it a golfing holiday, wine tasting?

FinallyHere · 09/06/2015 12:04

No objection to the plan in general, as far as I can see. In specifics, though, it does seem a bit off to plan another trip before you have had a go? Did he suggest that you take some time off or even refer to the unfairness?

If not, id insist of having a go before he could go again.

But i can't imagine that he would .....

TwinkieTwinkle · 09/06/2015 12:05

Indeed wayne, very often now.

my husband went to Thailand with his friend.
well obviously he's gay or having sex with other women.

bluejeanswhiteshirt · 09/06/2015 12:07

Yanbu. If it was just the one holiday/'business trip' then fair enough but considering you have a child together and you're going to be back home on your own, I think he's taking the piss a little bit.

Gilrack · 09/06/2015 12:20

Well, I shot from "Selfish bastard probably cheating" to "Visiting friend & sister in nice place" in world-record speed

If your employer's willing to fly you out to spend a couple of days with a friends on a tropical island, of course you take it! A single meeting's a small price to pay :)

Not lads' holidays. YANBU to be envious and YANBU to kvetch about doing all the home & children whilst he's gone. Have another break of your own to even it up. Enjoy.

Original poster

Konstantine27 · 09/06/2015 12:36

I think what I find upsetting about the whole thing is that the holiday we have planned later in the year is going to be a family holiday. Whereas his holidays with his friend have been about visiting nice bars and having childfree time which we don't have planned. I'm upset that he seems to be using this friend to do that with yet again before we've had the opportunity to do that together. I know I'd have had no issue with the holiday had we had that together first.

OP posts:

AuntyMag10 · 09/06/2015 12:39

Why can't you leave him with the dc and go on a holiday with your friends too?

roofio87 · 09/06/2015 12:40

well it all just depends on how you feel. if you are not happy about it, then talk to him. my dh went on a long weekend to Amsterdam in may with his friends (mnetters will love reading into that one!) and is off to a festival this weekend. neither of these bother me at all and I'm looking forward to another weekend with just me and 20mo ds. but if it makes you unhappy talk to him.

juneau · 09/06/2015 12:44

Well maybe he's really missing this part of his life OP? Could you maybe make some changes to your life (or to your holiday), that allow you some time as a couple to spend time as you used to before kids - going to bars, having dinner a deux, maybe staying out late sometimes rather than rushing home? I know I REALLY missed having an adult social life and I'm sooooo much happier since my kids got a bit older and I can go out and let my hair down sometimes. TBH, I'd like to do it every week, but that's not really possible, unfortunately. Some people don't care so much about going out once they have a family and are just happy to do the early nights and small kids thing, but if this is important to your DH I think maybe you should address it and try to make some changes so he's happier to spend time with you, rather than feeling he has to seek out single friends to indulge that side of life with? Just an idea.

Only1scoop · 09/06/2015 12:50

I think the 'visiting nice bars together' with 'him' the friend 'first before we've done those things together' all sounds a bit daft really.

If it's annoying you speak to him about it.

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