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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

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Original poster

To think if you don't KNOW someone's pregnant you shouldn't comment on their bump?

79 replies

DrinkGirlsFeck · 09/06/2015 08:30

At the weekend, I was sorting out the DC in the foyer of the pool. I mentioned to a woman that it was unusually hot and she said "yes, my friend and I were just saying it must be even worse for you with a bump."

It goes without saying I'm not pregnant. clearly just fat at most I look 5 months gone, not 8)

In my (and to an extent her) defence I have been losing weight and have been left with slimmer legs etc and a 'mr man' belly. Thanks dc.

But JUST DON'T ask about a bump if don't know it's a fucking baby.

OP posts:

Mermaidhair · 09/06/2015 10:50

I have a confession, sometimes when I'm at the station waiting for a train and there aren't any seats:, I stick out my tummy and give it a little rub! Some gentlemen always offers me a seat I'm skinny but have this stomach, use it to your advantage

MrsNextDoor · 09/06/2015 10:50

Meh. I was asked when I was due....I had to tell the poor elderly lady that DD had been born a fortnight ago!

hopeful31yrs · 09/06/2015 10:55

I was in work 5.5 months after DD's birth (thought I was doing well with the diet as I'd put on over a third of my pre-pregnancy weight on during it) and was with a colleague who worked with me throughout my pregnancy. He was talking about something to do with me whilst I was pregnant and another new colleague came up to me and wibbled my mum tum and asked when I was due.

Needless to say the one colleague snorted and thought it was amazingly funny and the other was mortified. Felt the need to make her felt better... all the while dying inside. My other colleague clarified I had lost weight as "I was as wide as I was tall" whilst pregnant

SpamAnderson · 09/06/2015 11:03

I never ever mention if I think someone is pregnant. When dd1 was a couple of months old a woman I know in passing came up and rubbed my belly and asked when I was due.... I was holding dd1 at the time. I glared and stormed off, in my defense I had PND at the time too and was not very impressed. Unless someone mentions a baby kicking or a due date, I keep my mouth shut and definitely do not rub said person!

WhyIRayLiotta · 09/06/2015 11:03

I have put on weight recently. It all goes onto my tummy. AND I am recently married I've let myself go so colleagues are always saying 'when are you planning the next one'... I feel like I have to drink alcohol at every opportunity to make it obvious I'm not (much as I'd love to be ) as I dread the awkwardness of someone saying 'congrats!' When I'm not

tindel · 09/06/2015 11:31

I have this enormous scarf that I used to wear wrapped round me, mostly in front of me, under my coat when I was cold. I was standing on the Tube one day and the woman standing next to me started chivvying passengers to give them my seat. I then had to explain that I wasn't pregnant, I just had a big scarf on and unbuttoned my coat to show them.

She went scarlet and said that it was the principle. I said I couldn't agree more and it was very considerate of her, but I really didn't need anyone to give me their seat at that time.

I wasn't offended (I was trying to stop laughing because she looked mortified), but I do now wear the scarf over my coat to avoid any confusion

caitlinohara · 09/06/2015 11:34

I did this to someone . It was a friend from toddler group who I had not seen for ages, saw her walking towards me across a car park in a jersey maxi dress and pointed delightedly at her tummy and gushed something like "wow!!" . Never heard from her again.

susanstryingterm · 09/06/2015 11:36

No no no. Neve ever assume unless someone is in labour in front of you.

I'm quite slim but had very bad fibroids followed by a hysterectomy which meant I had a very swollen stomach for several years (and it's still not great ). The amount of times some virtual stranger eg someone at a meeting, a beautician I was attending for the first time, asked me when I was due or even 'are you pregnant'? was unbelievable. I just couldn't get over their gaucheness. It used to absolutely mortify me, not to mention ruin my day.

However disappointing it might be for a pregnant woman not to have it commented and congratulated on, that is nothing compared to how awful a non-pregnant woman feels when someone assumes she's expecting a baby.

TheWitTank · 09/06/2015 11:42

I had this once -I was at a spa and waiting for a treatment. I'm a size 10/12 and very toned (not a stealth boast, I do a lot of sport) but was wearing a long, voluminous maxi dress which kind of came out from under the bust. It was the easiest thing to chuck on after being in the pool etc. The lady came out to meet me and said "oh! They didn't tell me you were pregnant on the booking form!". I laughed and said I wasn't. She was MORTIFIED. She went bright red and spent the treatment apologising and cringing and saying how the dress was so big and I clearly wasn't pregnant without it. Poor girl, I felt sorry for her actually!

ScottishDiblet · 09/06/2015 12:11

Just want to clarify that I never shame the people who offer me seats. I normally just politely say no and then spend the rest of the journey trying to look pregnant so that they don't feel bad for offering. In London we have these great 'baby in board' badges which tend to avoid these awkward exchanges (except for me ).

Becauseicannes · 09/06/2015 13:17

Why do people think it's okay to tell a pregnant woman she's huge anyway?

DowntownFunk · 09/06/2015 13:17

I was really, really cruel once and told a man who asked me when I was due that I wasn't pregnant (I was!).

I did that once but it was the office twatface gossip. I was about 5 or 6 months gone with a massive bump, though I hadn't told work yet. Her goldfish expression was priceless.

CheeseToastie123 · 09/06/2015 13:31

another new colleague came up to me and wibbled my mum tum and asked when I was due.

Whether pregnant or not, I'd have hit the fucking roof at being touched like that.

zoemaguire · 09/06/2015 13:37

I think that's pretty off actually, sorry. Somebody once did that to me at a party. Normally I wouldn't dream of commenting just in case I get it wrong, but she was very obviously 8-9 months pregnant and had her hand over her bump protectively, so I congratulated her and asked when she was due. She said 'oh no, I'm not pregnant' and I wanted to fall through the floor, and couldn't apologise enough. Then she burst out laughing and said 'ahhahaha, yes I am pregnant really, I've always wanted to do that'. I think it was a horrible thing to do - who takes a well-meaning comment as a cue to make the person feel like absolute shit? Nasty.

DowntownFunk · 09/06/2015 13:42

She was yanking your chain. It obv worked. She probably needed a laugh in between the sleepless nights, piles, spd...

DefinitelyMaybeBaby · 09/06/2015 13:43

I have been asked twice if I was pregnant when I wasnt. I hadn't even had any dc for couldn't blame a mum tum! Another professional asked me in the middle of a meeting with a client "are you pregnant?", what a twat, so cringey for everyone.
Now I actually am pregnant and no one seems to ask! I assume everyone in work knows as its common knowledge but occasionally I reference it in convo and colleagues say "ooooh I thought you were but didn't want to say!" (I've got a very obvious bump now!)

Noneedtoworryatall · 09/06/2015 14:07

To be fair to her you did say yourself that you look five months pregnant.

DowntownFunk · 09/06/2015 14:17

Lots of people look 5 months pregnant who aren't.

MokunMokun · 09/06/2015 14:20

A woman let me go in front of her in the post office because she said it must be hard with a toddler and bump. There was a brief moment where we both realised and then we moved on. I really do need to lose some weight though

hibbledibble · 09/06/2015 14:27

It sounds like the woman meant well, so I wouldn't take it to heart. Are you very sensitive about your weight?

Dd, to my embarrassment, told my friend that she had a baby in her tummy, when she didn't (has always been overweight). She didn't mean any harm by it, but has just been rather obsessed with the idea of babies being in tummies.

Bambambini · 09/06/2015 14:50

Well surely if you can never take it for granted then prenant women shouldn't be offered seats or ever shown any consideration. I think if a woman looks really obviously pregnant then it's an easy mistake to make. If someone looks pregnant but it could be just a big tummy I wouldn't say anything just in case.

My baby was a week or so old and I bumped into a male friend at the park. He incredulously said, "you still not had it?" (Knew I was overdue). I laughed and said yes, I had. He refused to believe me and thought I was joking and asked where it was then. Cue for husband who was lagging behind to come round the corners with the pram and his backtracking was impressive - I thought it was hilarious.

awombwithaview · 09/06/2015 14:53

The one and only time I commented I got it wrong and it was so embarrassing.

On the other hand one lady on the school run has just had a baby and I didn't even know she was pregnant because she was so large generally that I thought she just had a large tummy. I was quite surprised to see her with a pram last week! I'm prone to bloat and have endo, on my period I can quite easily look 5 months and used to wear especially floaty stuff to work at that time off the month as getting anything around my 'bump' was not only impossible but painful.

DD's teacher looks pregnant right now but I'm really not sure at all and until it's announced I'm not saying a darn thing!

hellswelshy · 09/06/2015 15:14

Yes this has happened to me about 5 times...usually when im pmt bloated and ever so sensitive! Its obviously not done maliciously but I never ever ask anyone myself even if it's really apparent. Actually an old soak at our allotment once said to me 'Not again?' whilst looking at my non pregnant bloated tummy and ive always regretted not pointing out his equally beer filled one!!

awombwithaview · 09/06/2015 15:31

Haha hells that would have been brilliant to have said 'and you are too I see!'

birdofthenorth · 09/06/2015 15:34

I nipped out to the local shops when DS was about 6 weeks old and a lady said "not long to go now then!". I was mortified but decided to say nothing; she pushed it and asked "how many weeks to go?". I had to say "he's 6 weeks old and at home with dad". She then gabbled on embarrassedly making it worse. Haven't been back to that shop or worn the top I wore that day since!!

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