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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

To think this is foolish?

38 replies

Bishopston · 08/06/2015 17:13

Ok, to cut a long story short, last November I swapped email addresses with this 50 yr old guy I met in a local library. He seemed always a bit 'over keen' to talk, if you see what I mean, but on the day I swapped email addresses with him I was in quite a good mood and thought why not ( as a friend, not interested in him romantically). Anyway certain events happened after that totally unrelated to him which made me feel that despite being something of a people pleaser in the past, from now on I'm not going to bother making an effort with people if I'm not at all interested in them. Anyway, since last November he must've sent me at least 15 emails AND I'VE NOT REPLIED TO A SINGLE ONE!!!Yet he STILL continues to email me! Just asking me how I am etc. I mean, ffs the man's 50 yrs old, he should know that he's not really giving a good impression of himself by doing this!! I'm not interested!! Bore off!

OP posts:
Fatmomma99 · 08/06/2015 17:16

add him to your 'junk'

Reignbeau · 08/06/2015 17:19

He's not a mind reader, how is he meant to know what other stuff is going on in your life if it's unrelated to him? Have you seen him in person since November, maybe he is actually concerned about you.

WorraLiberty · 08/06/2015 17:19

Just don't open them

It's not a big deal really is it?

The5DayChicken · 08/06/2015 17:22

He sounds lonely Sad

Original poster
Bishopston · 08/06/2015 17:22

No Reignbeau I've not seen him in person since last November. What surprises me is he hardly knew me to begin with, so why bother?

OP posts:
Original poster
Bishopston · 08/06/2015 17:23

Yes The5DayChicken I think you're right.

OP posts:
FarFromAnyRoad · 08/06/2015 17:24

Block his address? Reply as if you were someone else saying you're currently detained at Her Majesty's Pleasure? Tell him your mails are being monitored by GCHQ and unless he wants a dawn raid he'd best stop? There are many ways to put an end to this - you haven't even tried. YABU.

FarFromAnyRoad · 08/06/2015 17:25

What do you mean 'why bother'? Clearly the old chap is lonely. Christ - why would you even lead someone to believe you might be open to being a friend. Put him out of his misery.

Original poster
Bishopston · 08/06/2015 17:27

You're right, I've not tried to end it 'cod I just delete/ignore. Just thought I'd share this to see what y'all thought - thing is - if he's genuinely trying to build relationships, he's not really imo giving a good impression of himself.

OP posts:
Original poster
Bishopston · 08/06/2015 17:30

FarFrom tbh I thought about this and thought about whether or not I'd been leading him on, then concluded I in fairness don't think I had in that although I gave my email address initially I haven't responded to a single email since November!

OP posts:
madasa · 08/06/2015 17:33

He sounds lonely and you don't sound very nice

treaclesoda · 08/06/2015 17:37

Whilst I agree that an adult should know not to send 15 emails, and it must be very offputting, I also think it's pretty cruel to swap email addresses with someone and then refuse to acknowledge them.

Original poster
Bishopston · 08/06/2015 17:40

Fair enough but I think about 15 or so emails unreplied to is a bit excessive. Yes I know I changed my mind after giving him my email address originally but last year I was 'stung' by a 'friend' who turned out to be v deceitful - perhaps it's made me more cautious who I give my time to. I'm sure the chap doesn't want insincerity.

OP posts:
Reignbeau · 08/06/2015 17:41

You need to let him know you are OK and let him down gently. I'd be pretty worried if I hadn't seen someone in months and they didn't reply. Send a quick reply to say you are alright but snowed under with life in general and don't have time to get into an exchange of emails with him, it's the decent thing to do.

WorraLiberty · 08/06/2015 17:42

Why is he not giving a good impression of himself?

You swapped emails as friends and decided to totally blank the poor bloke.

Perhaps he keeps sending them because he thinks you're not receiving them?

Sending at least one reply would be basic manners, not people pleasing.

Original poster
Bishopston · 08/06/2015 17:43

treacle - I can see what you mean about seeming cruel to swap email addresses then refuse to acknowledge. Then again, we all have a right to change our mind. Imo, if I started acknowledging then stopped, that would be more awkward and in a way, more 'cruel'

OP posts:
Original poster
Bishopston · 08/06/2015 17:45

Reign and Worra - ok , I see what you mean .... Maybe 1 email of explanation wouldn't harm...

OP posts:
DoJo · 08/06/2015 17:46

Couldn't you just reply and tell him that you aren't in a position to enter into email correspondence at the moment? It's the leaving him hanging that makes it cruel - letting him know where you stand is the reasonable solution.

Original poster
Bishopston · 08/06/2015 17:47

DoJo - fair enough- seems like a sensible solution

OP posts:
SpongeBobJudgeyPants · 08/06/2015 17:48

Old chap Farfrom? Hmm

hesterton · 08/06/2015 17:50

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

KurriKurri · 08/06/2015 17:51

Well to me giving out your e-mail address to someone says 'I am happy for you to get in touch with me', so to ignore him now is rather rude and unkind. Yes you are entitled to change your mind, bit I'd say he is entitled to a polite explanation of why you no longer want him to contact you, when initially presumably you did.

I agree the fifteen e-mails is a bit OTT but then again it must be a bit confusing, he clearly hasn't got the message - possibly because it is the total opposite of your original 'message' - I never randomly give my e-mail address to people I don't want to hear from Confused

Original poster
Bishopston · 08/06/2015 17:56

Yes Kurri I admit I do feel I shouldn't have given it in the first place

OP posts:
CatchIt · 08/06/2015 18:03

Jeez! You sound like a bit of a bitch actually. You gave him your email address so it's not like its unsolicited in any way.

If you've had enough, just email him back and tell him. glad you're not my friend

madasa · 08/06/2015 18:10

In the time it took you to post this bitchy thread you could have sent him a gentle e-mail

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