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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

To think I am being treat like a fool?

46 replies

Bouncealine · 07/06/2015 20:54

Dh and I separated a few years ago, we recently decided to have a fresh start (about 3 months ago) things are a bit up and down but we're both happy. There are a few issues but the biggest one is that he's moved in with me and our 2dc however he has only given me £150 so far towards any bills or rent.. He never pays for a proper shop and doesn't buy the dc any of the necessities that they need. We have spoken about it a few times but nothing seems to hit home with him. I think he feels like he deserves to live for free as I was a sahm before we split. Aibu to tell him to suck it up and sort himself out?

OP posts:
formerbabe · 07/06/2015 20:56

How did you manage finances before you split up?

hesterton · 07/06/2015 20:58

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

AnyFucker · 07/06/2015 20:59

is this really a good idea ? Confused

Soduthen116 · 07/06/2015 21:00

This isn't a little issue is it op. It's huge.

Why did you split and why is he back now? Be honest. Is he a cock lodger?

DJThreeDog · 07/06/2015 21:00

Not sure that's relevant formerbabe. They don't need a joint account or anything at this stage but he should be contributing. The fact is, OP is back with the father of her DC yet he's behaving like a casual boyfriend.

Not on OP. He needs to buck up his ideas - if he doesn't want a full-on relationship he needs to spell it out and move out as well.

Original poster
Bouncealine · 07/06/2015 21:02

We had a joint account and shared all money previously, when we agreed to a fresh start I wanted to keep bank accounts separate until I knew for sure that he was serious.

OP posts:
skinnyabc · 07/06/2015 21:05

Ynbu and you are right is it playing you for a fool

Original poster
Bouncealine · 07/06/2015 21:09

We got to a point were we felt that we where just living together for the sake of it, like we were both just friends.

OP posts:
formerbabe · 07/06/2015 21:09

Not sure that's relevant formerbabe. They don't need a joint account or anything at this stage but he should be contributing. The fact is, OP is back with the father of her DC yet he's behaving like a casual boyfriend.

Of course he should be contributing...I was wondering if this was the set up or similar previously.

Original poster
Bouncealine · 07/06/2015 21:20

How can I go about talking to him about it in a straight to the point kind of way without looking like I'm begging? Im starting to resent him already and that's not what I want things to be like.
Yes Soduthen I'm starting to think he might be!

OP posts:
bloodyteenagers · 07/06/2015 21:36

Of course you talk to him straight away.
He pays rent, council tax, bills, food etc or he packs up his shit and free loads from someone else.. There is no excuses.. It doesn't matter what you did 3 years ago, this is now times and people change

Oldraver · 07/06/2015 21:48

Did he pay maintenence while you have been apart ? As I reckon he is massively saving money now.

Of course he should be contributing more than a measly £150...where does the rest of his money go ?

shushpenfold · 07/06/2015 21:49

Lay it on the line that everything for basic expenses is 50/50. If he doesn't want to, he needs to move out.

Soduthen116 · 07/06/2015 21:54

It's not begging though Boun he should be contributing and not sponging off you.

Time for a proper chat and ground rules. It's only fair to you him and the kids.

Feel for you op.

morelikeguidelines · 07/06/2015 21:58

I would say "I don't think it's working out you living here"

BIWI · 07/06/2015 22:00

How can you not? Did you not have a conversation about what you would both be paying before he moved back in?

He is taking the piss.

Original poster
Bouncealine · 07/06/2015 22:21

We agreed that we would half everything if he'd have said no then I wouldn't have let him move him. yes he did pay CMA although very reluctantly! I can't just ask him to leave though as it wouldn't be fair to put the dc through that again. I have no idea what he spends it on, he's self employed but doesn't seem to be earning as much as previously.

OP posts:
AnyFucker · 07/06/2015 23:24

I think "not being fair on the dc" was letting him move back in with some half-arsed idea that he would "contribute"

what the hell were you thinking ?

the fact you look afraid to bring it up now for fear of looking like you are "begging" (for what is actually fair and equitable) should tell you all you need to know

I fear you are not listening though

another example of women using the hope over common sense approach where these fuckwit men are concerned Sad

Fatmomma99 · 07/06/2015 23:27

What childcare is he doing?

Rinoachicken · 08/06/2015 08:43

If you agreed you would halve everything then there's the starting point for your conversation - along the lines of "when we discussed you moving back in we agreed you pay half on everything. That's not happening and it needs to change, otherwise you can't continue to live here".

Then see what he says and take it from there.

expatinscotland · 08/06/2015 08:59

I'm with 'This isn't working with you living here.' These 'fresh starts' don't work because everywhere you go, you always take the weather.

AlternativeTentacles · 08/06/2015 09:02

Yes, you are being taken for a fool. What are your options?

momtothree · 08/06/2015 09:08

You need to give him a figure half of all bills etc... then add £100 or so for je extras the kids need ... clothes clubs parties.., dont talk about half talk real cash.

Original poster
Bouncealine · 08/06/2015 14:38

Had a talk last night and told him that he needs to buck up or move out and he said he agrees and will give me money each night after work (gets paid per job) so will see how this goes. I have given him a two week time limit to see how it goes so hopefully he'll realise I'm serious! Thank you Smile

OP posts:
AnyFucker · 08/06/2015 15:58

Good for you. I really hope he didn't make you think you were "nagging" or "begging". You are not running free bed and board for the privelige of his company...remember that.