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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

£10.79 no moral compass

42 replies

Leafitout · 07/06/2015 12:13

Basically deadbeat ex has lied to the CSA in his tax returns pleading poverty so they have wiped his arrears of four grand away. His contribution is now the grand total of ten pounds and seventy nine pence per month and not even that he has made any effort to pay!

OP posts:
mrsallergy · 07/06/2015 12:33

Is there any way you can get proof of his deceit?

I really wish there was more condemnation of deadbeat parents. It disgusts me. As you say - no moral compass.

Original poster
Leafitout · 07/06/2015 12:47

If I did have any proof I doubt that the Csa would go forward as it would mean them having to actually do some work. Him making no payment surely is morally wrong

OP posts:
fiveacres · 07/06/2015 12:54

That's ridiculous.

YANBU, although I am afraid I have no useful advice I did want to sympathise.

Original poster
Leafitout · 07/06/2015 13:06

I too really wish there was condemnation of deadbeat nrp. But it seems an accepted part of society that children are fine to go without the support of both parents. For a government agency to be able to wipe out money that contributes towards a childs up bringing is a scandle. He doesn't even think he should be liable to pay the ten pounds!

OP posts:
Metalguru · 07/06/2015 16:57

I'm not doubting you, but please double check - the csa told me arrears are never written off. Is it definitely arrears, and not just that they have reduced his current payments? My ex also pleaded poverty to get his payments reduced, but it made no difference to the arrears.

emmelinelucas · 07/06/2015 17:15

Arrears are never written off by the CSA. You need to check this out, OP. It could be a misunderstanding.
Morals are not an issue when dealing with them - they have guidelines and have to stick to them. True, it is not always fair, and you are in a horrible situation.
Get back to them.

hibbledibble · 07/06/2015 17:21

Yanbu. The CSA is rediculously soft.

I favour an approach to the American system where non payers have their licence taken away and/or are sent to jail.

hibbledibble · 07/06/2015 17:22

If his lifestyle is inconsistent with his declared earnings to the CSA you can get them to review their calculations. Is there anything you can prove? Does he pay for a flash car for example?

MishMooshAndMogwai · 07/06/2015 17:25

We have a similar situation howeve I am a lot luckier than many I know with the amounts is has to pay.

He has done as instructed and given the basic wage for his job.

However

He works permanent nights which automatically doubles his salary PLUS over time (time and a half) which adds a good few hundred to his wage packet per week. His hourly wage is a very good wage.

It works out that on average he earns 20 thousand more a year that he has claimed but he doesn't need to claim it because it is not in his contract, it is all optional and there for not 'regular' (even though he has worked there for over 10 years and it has never changed).

I can see why the CSA don't take this into consideration, ploughing through everyone's weekly wage and averaging it all out etc would take forever and cause so many disputes but I'm so dissapointed in HIM for being so bloody selfish that he can watch me struggle whilst giving me an 'allowance' that doesn't even cover a days childcare. And I'm supposed to be grateful!

MyIronLung · 07/06/2015 17:34

I had a thread recently saying much the same. The only difference is I now get nothing (previously it was supposed to be £12.00 a fortnight). The princely sum of £12 has happened once in 3 years, so that's roughly £0.01 a month our son has received.
Ain't life grand!

hiddenhome · 07/06/2015 17:45

Mine only pays £4.75 a week.

He went self employed then put everything into his wife's name, so, on paper, he's worth nowt.

They're all bastards and should be prosecuted for child neglect.

The government are taking the piss by failing to go after these scum sucking bottom feeders.

emmelinelucas · 07/06/2015 17:52

It is awful. I know someone who has never paid properly because he doesn't declare all his earnings.

turningvioletviolet · 07/06/2015 17:54

they won't have written off his arrears - he's presumably had a review of his assessment that has been backdated, which means that his arrears have been recalculated. Have you had a new maintenance agreement sent to you? You can appeal it - i would have thought you'd need something to back your appeal up though. If he's provided the evidence to show his MA should be changed then it's really not the CSA's fault, it's your deadbeat ex's.

mojo17 · 07/06/2015 17:57

Get you mp involved they usually reply to MPs pretty sharpish then

turningvioletviolet · 07/06/2015 18:02

an MP won't be able to do diddly squat if the new maintenance assessment has been properly calculated. The OP needs to appeal the decision.

ilovechristmas1 · 07/06/2015 18:17

the same here,went selfemployed earns hardly anything,so he tells them Angry (managages to rent a flat at £150 pw) by himself

my son gets nothing

even someone on JSA pays something FGS

ScrambledEggAndToast · 07/06/2015 18:47

My ex is self employed and pays nothing Hmm He used to pay until he left the Navy in September 2012 but since then, nothing. He seems to be pulling a fast one by telling the CSA that he works for the pub that he and his partner jointly run but everything is in her name. He says that he is getting no money yet his FB says he's the landlord and so does the pub webpage so I doubt that. Extremely unfair and dishonest but the CSA seem to be able to do nothing about it.

I really do feel your pain. These men are a disgrace to society and shouldn't be allowed to have children of they can't be bothered to support them.

lunalelle · 07/06/2015 18:53

My DD's biological father was self-employed, and lied so he paid nothing. Though I looked him up on Facebook once and he seemed to be enjoying a lot of nice holidays abroad.

Hissy · 07/06/2015 19:27

Why can't those who are employed have their records checked by HMRC? After all, our flaming tax credits are reduced and cut etc if our wage goes up?

hiddenhome · 07/06/2015 21:07

I reported mine to HMRC. Gave them plenty of details, but he's still managed to wriggle out of it, although I did receive about a 40p increase Hmm

According to my ex partner, he lives on fresh air and the sheer joy of having fathered a child. How HMRC fall for this bullshit is beyond me.

It's well seen the fucking establishment is run by men. If women were pulling this bullshit, there'd be an outcry. We can't even breastfeed in public without being slammed. At least we're not starving the poor buggers like these feckless fathers would be doing with their fucking £5 a week Hmm

hiddenhome · 07/06/2015 21:10

I expect mine will be using all his spare cash on filling his gut with alcohol. He's a fat, bloated, indolent pig.

Money can't buy you a new liver and at least my son knows who looks after him Smile

RandomMess · 07/06/2015 21:13

You can ask for them to be investigated if their lifestyle doesn't match up with their declared income by the departures team.

I did manage to successfully get my claim increased this way.

hiddenhome · 07/06/2015 21:15

Yes, that's what I claimed. Didn't seem to work. Apparently he works full time and is on JSA level pay Hmm what does that work out as? About £2 an hour or something?

candlesandlight · 07/06/2015 21:20

I can never understand how a parent can be so deceitful to their own flesh and blood or how any woman can enter into a relationship with a man who has financially abandoned his own children.

hesterton · 07/06/2015 21:21

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.