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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

To be a bit miffed at DH...

33 replies

bethatasitmay · 06/06/2015 09:26

He's invited some friends over "in the afternoon", no more specifics. He's suggested I make fajitas for dinner because they like Mexican food. He's then gone off to do his hobby (something he does every week, so I probably shouldn't be surprised) which goes on till 1.30pm.

We've not done the shopping for this evening meal, the house is a tip, and DD won't sit still while I clean, which he knows.

AIBU to be a little annoyed? I'm sure he won't be mad if the house is a mess when our friends arrive and if he has to run out while they're here for groceries, but I'd feel so embarrassed at our sloppiness!

OP posts:
Original poster
bethatasitmay · 06/06/2015 09:28

I probably am being unreasonable, as 1.30's still pretty early in the day, but "afternoon" could mean any time after 12, right?

OP posts:
AuditAngel · 06/06/2015 09:29

If organising the food for his friends wasn't important enough to give up his hobby today, then he Dan do it when he gets back.

Why does DD need to sit still while you clean? How old is she? Can she get involved in the tidying?

ruby1234 · 06/06/2015 09:29

Text him a list of shopping to pick up on his way home.
Tidy the worst of the mess.
Leave him to cook it. His guests, his invitation.

Original poster
bethatasitmay · 06/06/2015 09:29

She's 15 months! Also just discovered walking... Confused

OP posts:
AlternativeTentacles · 06/06/2015 09:30

I'd make myself fajitas and say 'you were right, they were lovely. We have gone out for the day. Make sure the pots are done by the time we get back'.

purplemurple1 · 06/06/2015 09:30

Id just carry on with whatever you had planned for the morning and let him deal with all when he gets home including cooking the dinner. Cheeky fecker suggesting what you cook for people he has invited over.
Yanbu

Humansatnav · 06/06/2015 09:30

YANBU. Are you the hired help ?

callmewhatever · 06/06/2015 09:30

YANBU, he should at least be helping you clean. Whilst I don't mind a little mess, if friends are coming over I like a tidy house, don't want people knowing we live like pigs most of the time Grin

3CheekyLittleMonkeys · 06/06/2015 09:31

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

OstentatiousBreastfeeder · 06/06/2015 09:31

I'd have told him no in this scenario.

Why should you rush around cleaning your house and then cook for extra people, all while looking after your child alone while he goes off to have fun? All at a moment's notice?

Yabu to agree.

KatieScarlettreregged · 06/06/2015 09:33

I would do bugger all then go out for the day. Let DH deal.

SurlyCue · 06/06/2015 09:33

He's invited some friends over "in the afternoon

This is the only piece of information that is relevant to you. Specifically the word he.

You have nothing to do with any of it other than being present if you wish. The rest is his responsibility.

Dont cave out of embarrassment.

Original poster
bethatasitmay · 06/06/2015 09:34

To be fair the friends involved are mutual friends, and he is generally good at helping with cleaning etc. I just don't understand why he can't miss a day of his hobby if he's invited friends over from a different city and at a vague time. What if they arrive before he gets back?

OP posts:
OstentatiousBreastfeeder · 06/06/2015 09:35

I'm sure he won't be mad if the house is a mess when our friends arrive

How nice of him!

TedAndLola · 06/06/2015 09:36

I was Angry on your behalf until your last paragraph. He's not actually expecting you to clean and sort out dinner, so his only crime is to invite people without checking with you - annoying, but not misogynistic and totally thoughtless.

Your guests are not going to judge you for having a messy house with a 15 month old. Tell DH it embarrasses you and to please give you more notice when he invites people in future, but try to enjoy your evening!

SurlyCue · 06/06/2015 09:37

he is generally good at helping with cleaning etc

He is good (like a good boy?) at helping (helping who? His mummy?)

Woul you ever hear him saying to anyone that you were good at helping with cleaning? Ever? Doubt it. Adults dont help with cleaning in their own homes. They just clean.

pictish · 06/06/2015 09:38

Right - here's the deal...you tidy in preparation and he shops and cooks. How about that?

pictish · 06/06/2015 09:39

And when I say tidy, I mean bare minimum required.

howabout · 06/06/2015 09:40

YANBU and I think it is worse than if they were just his friends as then I would just leave him to it as others have suggested.
I would be reaching for the take away menu so you have time to entertain rather than worrying about catering. He should be either taking the dd or doing the housework as soon as he gets back.

The way your post reads you sound like you live in fear of making him or yourself mad by not meeting domestic standards while he gets on and lives his life outside the home! This does not sound a very equal arrangement but maybe I am reading too much into the actual words?

HellKitty · 06/06/2015 09:40

Text him the shopping.
When he gets in tell him to clean the kitchen/whatever while you have a bath.

Sorted!

TracyBarlow · 06/06/2015 09:44

I think I'd just go out for the day. I would go properly mad at my husband if he did something like that. Send him a text saying 'just off out to the park. Will be back some time this afternoon. Looking forward to fajitas later!' And let him worry about it.

BuyMeAPony · 06/06/2015 09:45

I'd tidy up, not clean. Maybe bathroom if you care. Text him shopping list and let him cook. Not that there's much cooking required but it's the principle.

If they are mutual friends, text them yourself and ask what time was arranged. Ask them to bring crisps and dips.

If you think you'll have a nice time don't make a big drama of it. Not that you are. But some people seem to be suggesting that you should.

Shinyandnew1 · 06/06/2015 09:48

Ted and Lola-didn't op say
He's suggested I make fajitas for dinner because they like

pictish · 06/06/2015 09:51

If you think you'll have a nice time don't make a big drama of it. Not that you are. But some people seem to be suggesting that you should.

Agree. He sounds a normal, reasonable sort of chap. Just tell him you're up for it but it has been sprung on you and he'll have to do his bit. I'm sure he'll be agreeable.

LaurieFairyCake · 06/06/2015 09:54

Fuck that, go out.

He can be home to do shit for his mates - you can be at the cinema/cafe/soft play - anywhere

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