To think forgetting certain things is not OK.

[BeeInYourBonnet]

DH has a terrible memory. Partly this is as a result of me enabling him ( I admit to being a total control freak), partly laziness, but actually he also does truly seem to have some real memory issues ( he does worry about it sometimes from a medical POV).

Since I've gone back to work FT, DH has had a lot more family responsibility. He drops DCs off at school, picks up once or twice per week, - homework supervision, DCs hobbies, cooking, packed lunches etc are now shared c50/50, all of which is a HUGE change to this time last year.

A month or two ago DH was late picking the DCs up. He just didn't leave enough time from leaving work, and seemed to think it wasn't a massive problem. I tried to explain it wasn't fair on the DCs or the school, but he was pretty adamant it was just 'one of those things'. This drove me mad!

He's been better since but yesterday he totally forgot to pick the kids up cos he was tied up with work, finally remembered, and got to the school almost half an hour late. I nearly had an apoplexy when I found out. He was very 'shruggy' and 'its no biggy the teacher was fine' and got very defensive when I got cross. He then claimed that 'you know my memory is crap'.

How would you react to this? I feel so furious, and even more cross with the whole 'I'm so forgetful !' stance. Do I need to chill and accept that these things happen, or shall I not rest until DH swears it will never happen again. I feel like I've lost confidence iyswim.

Doe he 'forget' at work like that?

He is a bit forgetful at work, struggles with meeting deadlines, but generally gets on OK ( I would hate to work with him though, he is so disorganised!). He us fairly well regarded and has good expertise which is valued.

We had a chat last night, and I think he realises it can't happen again. In his defence he's gone from zero remembering to 50% remembering since I went back FT!!!! Just needs to crack the other 50%!

As a Reception class teacher, I know full well the anxiety and worry children experience when parents are even a little late. It messes with their little heads! I am also the mother of two primary school aged children and the thought of them not being picked up on time (particularly the younger one) is upsetting.

So I understand why you are cross with him, though if he seemed bothered and sorry I'm sure it would go a long way to defusing your annoyance!

It would seem, bad memory or not, he clearly doesn't think it's as important as you or I do! How do you change that?!

"Not OK to forget" means "non-trivial consequences of forgetting it", which is true in this case - but let him know that. Your getting annoyed with him has probably happened so many times that it is no longer seen as an issue by him and he can shrug it off. He'd probably, however, be terrified if Social Services got involved. So tell him that they might (I hope you did).

(I know that it shouldn't be trivial if you get annoyed with him, because it's your feelings we're talking about here, but his shrug response probably did represent a wall going up.)