To feel intimidated at baby groups?

[bluejeanswhiteshirt]

I have terrible postnatal anxiety and very little support (none) when it comes to taking care of my 8 month old so I force myself to go to groups to meet other mums but I feel like a young, clueless idiot compared to all the other mums and I leave feeling awful.

I live in a very nice area with some huge houses, flash cars, glamorous looking mums and what not but I live in a 2 bedroom semi, drive a Renault and I'm lucky if I get chance to brush my hair before I leave the house some days. I try making conversation but they mostly look down on me and don't include me which makes me feel like shit but I my dd loves it so I can't stop going

Is it just me who feels like this??

You know what OP? A lot of people are rude, ignorant twats - mothers are no exception to this - and I find that most twats like to gather themselves into an elite, closed circle of twattiness. Good - that means they keep themselves to themselves.

I second the suggestions of SureStart and church toddler groups. So much more socially mixed and welcoming than all the Rhythm Time / Baby Massage / NCT groups in my area anyway. Exactly the sort of places that twats don't want to frequent. All the better for the rest of us.

Yes Lapsed has a point. A hello or a smile is beyond those sort of folk. Who the fuck wants to be in with them anyway.

So am I picking this up right: that when you don't smile and chat it's because you're shy/depressed/unsure but when others don't smile and chat it's because they're twats? Why should allowances be made for you not being particularly friendly but not for others?

TORTURE
That's how I describe these groups.

I hated every second of them, counted down the minutes til the end.

Now, with ds2 I kind of go not giving a fiddlers fart about anyone else there.
I'm a chatty soul and will talk to anyone, however, I won't put in a great deal of effort into folk that clearly have an opinion about me (without knowing me...think LA mum's) and who are part of cliques.

I just can't be arsed.
I did have pnd with ds 1, I don't this time and that makes all the difference.

Cailin

You have a point (and I know you know about PND).

I was really ill at ease at baby groups, but at the time I was sure I was the only one

Much later, when I discussed these groups with friends, many, if not most said they'd been really anxious and unsure of themselves at that time

However, some people deal with their anxiety by extreme cliqueyness, or they just aren't very friendly

I totally agree that being alongside others, doing something is often easier than just sitting and having fairly unsatisfactory attempts at conversation as your baby/toddler needs you and interrupts. It's a pretty unusual situation for many of us to be trying to make friends when we are at our most vulnerable (and yet pretending we have got it all together)

Another thing:

In the back of my mind, I think I thought people with children would all be nice. Silly really. But some are just not-nice people who happen to have children. And in some cases, having children gives them a new platform/vehicle for their not-niceness

But how hard is it to return a smile or say hello? It's just good manners. I didn't expect conversation (good job) but perhaps an acknowledgement of my presence. I appreciate people make friends and want to chat to them but it's rude as hell to blank people.

I made a few good mates but I always said hello to anyone new so they didn't feel left out.

I hate to read that some Mums find this groups so difficult to be honest. I would've been lost without mine and dcs wouldn't have made the friends they still have now.

Mrs

Oh yes, me too. I really don't understand people who don't acknowledge you back.

I know someone now, who years ago (even though I knew people she knew) would not acknowledge me, out and about. Then I became friends with someone she was good friends with, and I was apparently on her radar. she's really nice, but just doesn't seem to bother with people unless she knows them

I know someone similar, Yarp.Although this person only ever used to speak to me when she wanted too. Might get a hello in passing one day, the next she'd completely blank me - work that one out!

I stopped trying. I feel I might not have been to her liking, her loss not mine

So am I picking this up right: that when you don't smile and chat it's because you're shy/depressed/unsure but when others don't smile and chat it's because they're twats?

To clarify, failing to include someone who is trying to be sociable is twatty behaviour, yes. I have known a particularly stuck up clique who were part of an extended antenatal group pick up their babies and move to a different area when I arrived and tried to chat. That's really unpleasant playground behaviour.