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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

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Original poster

To think the school aren't really being fair here

79 replies

Southwestwhippet · 03/06/2015 19:53

My DD is in reception. Either myself or her dad collect her every day apart from Wednesday. On Wednesday, her nanny collects her.This has been the case ever since she started school. The school does not allow parents in the classroom so at collecting time the teacher 'posts' the child through the door one by one when she sees the collecting parent. If it isn't the parent collecting, you need to write this on the white board in the playground in the morning so the teacher knows who to hand child over to at the end of the day. All fine - background info to explain the school do know who is picking children up.

This half term, the reception class are doing a minibeast project. We were warned that we would get the minibeast bag home one night and have to find a bug, draw a picture then write an interesting fact about the beast before handing back THE NEXT DAY.

of course, DD gets the bag today, a Wednesday. She is dropped off to me after work at 7:15pm by her nanny with bag in hand telling me we have to do this project by tomorrow morning. Very upset when I say we really don't have time and she needs to go to bed. Mornings are difficult as, apart from the limited number of bugs out and about at 7:30am, she has her reading and music practice to do.

So in the end, I basically print a few pictures off google, write a paragraph about spiracles (all I could recall from a-level biology) and put her to bed late but at least happy.

AIBU to have a polite word with the teacher tomorrow to say that given she was one of only three children not going home with their parents today(according to whiteboard) it wasn't very helpful to have given her the bag tonight? And that she was sad we didn't have chance to look at the pack/use the special net/read the books? I know they have a lot of children to manage but they also have a lot to choose from and picking one who they KNOW isn't going home with a parent, who also goes home with a a parent every other night, seems really thoughtless.

Or is this just regular school crap that I have to just suck up? I'm a bit disappointed as I would have liked to do it with her. Happy to be told I am unreasonable but please, I am pregnant and emotional and feeling very sensitive.

OP posts:

dixiechick1975 · 03/06/2015 20:10

I read the nanny as grandma not a paid nanny.

I think just ask nanny to do any homework in future as obviously too late to try at bedtime.

Sparklingbrook · 03/06/2015 20:10

YABU. YY to getting the Nanny to help your DD with stuff like that in the 4 hours before handover.

Sirzy · 03/06/2015 20:10

I read it as grandma to but still doesn't mean she couldn't have done it with her

nocabbageinmyeye · 03/06/2015 20:12

Is nanny granny or an actual nanny?

I too am interested in the reading and music in the mornings please (nosey)

Bellebella · 03/06/2015 20:12

I don't think you can ask the teacher to make exceptions on homework because a parent is not picking her up. Do you know how much work they have to do?

I honestly would not say anything to the teacher apart from telling her you did not get a chance to do it with your dd.

RustyBear · 03/06/2015 20:12

If it's a class of 30 and the project just lasts for this half term, they can't really give more than one day each.

BoyScout · 03/06/2015 20:14

Agree with others. You had a few options here - Nanny helps with the homework or skip reading/music for one morning. Expecting the teacher to understand and interpret the significance of who's picking a child up is not one of them.

leccybill · 03/06/2015 20:14

I have a child in reception.
This morning, she woke up at 8.15, I threw some Cheerios down her and we dashed out the door at 8.35! No time for practising anything!

Easy one this - in the morning, just say 'Can we have the bag again one night, we were busy last night and didn't get the chance to do it'. It really is that easy. I'm a parent and a teacher and this request is fine and normal. Don't sweat it.

tumsup · 03/06/2015 20:14

My internet went down half way through posting so apologies if posted twice.

Over time you realise nobody wil be doing it at this short notice because they have swimming/brownies, can't be arsed.

Let it go. Save complaints for when you really need help. e.g. all her friends have ousted her for 3 weeks because she dared to say she liked kittens better than ponies.

Seriously though, just let it lie - not one to get worried about. Sounds like you did pretty well under the circumstances.

MythicalKings · 03/06/2015 20:14

YABU. The school can't organise itself around your domestic arrangements.

1Morewineplease · 03/06/2015 20:15

So you have no time for your children??? At any time of the day??? When children go home they have homework!....

Reading and music practise in the mornings ???

Nanny?

I'm stunned !!!

Justusemyname · 03/06/2015 20:15

A lot of angst here, totally unnecessary.

Nanny could have done it with her. If Childcare any, part of Jon. If Grandma nanny maybe she didn't think to do it.

Original poster

Southwestwhippet · 03/06/2015 20:15

ok, thank you. I won't say anything.

Nanny would not do this with her, she only watches TV with nanny (this is a whole different thread lol). Bedtime was already delayed as nanny dropped her off late but you guys are right, I can do a bit more tomorrow morning with her. To be fair to the school if MY mum had picked her up, she would have done it with her but my MIL is a bit odd - school aren't to know that though.

I have strong austistic traits and my inflexibility is even worse when I'm pregnant so I think that is why it didn't occur to me to miss practice tomorrow but we will definitely do that. Thanks!

OP posts:

Theycallmemellowjello · 03/06/2015 20:15

I don't think that the nanny thing is actually relevant - obviously the school can't be expected to keep track of things like that. But setting kids overnight homework is unreasonable imo, especially something like that which obviously needs adult help. I don't think the school can assume that any family can do that on any given night. I guess the OP could have done it instead of music and reading, but sounds like they have a routine going there any maybe they don't want to start skipping it.

TheRachel · 03/06/2015 20:15

I think the nanny is the grandparent so probably didn't take much notice of the bag and just dropped the child home with it after.

I completely understand your music practise problem (suzuki?!) as we do that too and it does often get prioritised ahead of homework. We do practise in the evening (always have) and this can cause a problem if homework for the next day gets landed on us unexpectedly. I would just speak to the teacher in the morning and ask to keep it an extra day if I were you.

cariadlet · 03/06/2015 20:16

You knew it was coming up and it would be an overnight project so you had 3 options:

prime the Nanny that it would be happening and ask her to do the project with dd if it was on her pick-up - whether a paid nanny or a grandparent, this shouldn't have been a problem
do it after breakfast - go outside, turn over a few stones, pieces of wood, bricks etc and you'll soon find a few woodlice crawling around.
get dd in pjs, teeth brushed and ready for bed then leave the light on, open the window and wait for the moths to fly in.

It's a 15 minute piece of homework (longer if you're lucky enough to get the bag on a Friday). All you need is a quick picture and 1 sentence that the child has thought of themselves and written themselves (with a bit of support if needed).
No big deal.

1Morewineplease · 03/06/2015 20:16

And I've been a working mum for years!!!

TheRachel · 03/06/2015 20:17

Or, missing a practise here and there is also fine!

Cherriesandapples · 03/06/2015 20:18

This is ridiculous. She is in reception

Original poster

Southwestwhippet · 03/06/2015 20:18

Nanny is MIL by the way, not a professional nanny! thats what she wanted to be called.

Am LOLing at the suprise at music practice, it was normal for me when I grew up, all five of us played instruments from a young age and practiced before school, I didn't realise it was quite so unusual.

OP posts:

Mumoftwoyoungkids · 03/06/2015 20:19

It always happens that way.

Dd daughter goes to After school club only twice a week, I go out on a week night maybe 8 times a year, dh maybe 15.

She has had the "Class Bear" 3 times. Every Single Time has been on an After School Club day, with one or other of us out. How is that statistically possible! And the first time was when we had the worst rain storm for years just as we were all (cycling) home so we were (including bear) were all dripping water everywhere whilst trying to give Bear a suitably exciting and amusing time. Poor Bear is used to impressive activities galore, meals out, helping cook from scratch, play dates with half the rest of reception. (Dd goes to a very naice school - the parents seem to be a bit competitive!) All he got with us was to eat some honey and an adventure in the tumble dryer!

Get your nanny to check for this type of thing. As a minimum she could have caught the bug.
In this circumstance cancel reading and music - she won't burst into flames - I promise!
Practice a cheery "haven't you done well. Mummy will finish off the cutting / sticking / writing whilst you are in bed. Off we pop!"

RabidFairy · 03/06/2015 20:19

A one day turnaround to do homework is not on IMO. DD is in year one and gets her homework assignment/s home on a Friday and it's collected on a Wednesday. In addition to that they need to read as often as possible, recommended a minimum of 10 minutes each evening.

So yes, I think I would perhaps have a word with the teacher about the short notice being far too short! That homework especially sounds like it would have been a lot of fun and in our case we would have probably spent some time at the weekend making an activity of it.

Mumoftwoyoungkids · 03/06/2015 20:20

Oh and

Remember it really doesn't matter. There is definitely no space on the UCAS for for Class Bear activities or minibeast projects.

Bellebella · 03/06/2015 20:20

They did warn parents this project was coming up and it sounds like a short term project so they don't have a lot of time to fit it all in. That and surely it's a 10 minute job. They draw an insect(they really could get away with not catching on) and write one simple fact.

If it was a big task, I could see the point of everyone saying it's too short notice but setting this one overnight I personally would not have a problem with.

Sparklingbrook · 03/06/2015 20:21

Nanny watches TV for 4 hours with your DD?

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