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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

To ask how old your dp was when you had your last dc?

80 replies

SweetCharlotteRose · 03/06/2015 19:51

I've just discovered - after three years and much failed fertility treatment - that I'm pregnant. I'm only 4 days late so obviously there's a good chance it will all go horribly wrong.
Even though I'm 'only' 32, dh is 40 and I've been reading all this terrifying stuff saying that if the male partner is over 40 the miscarriage rate is around 40%. Male factor is our issue as well, dh has had hardly any normal forms on sperm tests and low motility (can't swim, they've got two heads).
I've convinced myself there's no way this will turn into a baby and I reckon it's pretty much our last shot.

In addition some research suggests that the time taken to conceive can raise miscarriage risk and I'm a type 1 diabetic which raises it again, I must be practically at 100%!

Please humour me by telling me many stories of how you had successful pregnancies with partners over 40.

OP posts:
Tootsie1984 · 04/06/2015 00:22

My partner is 16 years older than me. We had our first child when he was 38 and our youngest when he was 42. No problems. We are considering having a third now as want to do it before he is 50.

SumThucker · 04/06/2015 00:47

He was 33 with our first, 43 with our most recent.

elliejjtiny · 04/06/2015 01:55

My grandpa was 42 when my uncle was conceived.

CallMeExhausted · 04/06/2015 02:28

DH was 41, I was 32. He had expressed that he would like to have children prior to 42, so they would be an "adult" before he retired.

If only we knew... DD will be with us as long as she is (or we are) alive.

Mouldypineapple · 04/06/2015 02:34

64.. Dd is perfect. (Is 5 now.)

Bonsoir · 04/06/2015 08:15

DP was 39 when DD was born. He was 29 when DSS1 was born.

Seeline · 04/06/2015 08:19

My DH was 40 when DD was born (DC2)
My Ddad was 40 when I was born and 42 when Dsis was born.

Feminine · 04/06/2015 09:12

He was 50 when our youngest was born.
No problems.
I was 37.
Daughter is six now. :)

littlejohnnydory · 04/06/2015 09:16

Dh was 45 when our fourth child was born last year (I was 34). He was 37 when we had our first.

tindel · 04/06/2015 11:52

Not my own experience, but FIL was almost 50 when DH was born and MIL in her early 40s. DH was and is still perfectly healthy Smile

NickySummerbee · 04/06/2015 11:58

FIL was 56 when SIL was born and 57 when DH was born. Both perfectly healthy. MIL was 39 then 40 btw.

ZylaB · 04/06/2015 12:38

Our baby is 16 weeks old, I was 37 when she was born and DH was 43. I also have type 1 diabetes, test test test! You need to be really on top of the control, that's the best thing you can do at the moment. If you haven't already, get in touch with the team at the hospital, they'll want to see you to give you help. It CAN be fine, just do what you can (which is be on top of your sugars) and try not to stress too much. Good luck.

luckiestgirlintheworld · 04/06/2015 12:44

50 and 51 with our two (he's a lot older than me).

I've never heard that the miscarriage rate increases with age of partner. It sounds like bollocks to me.

CrushedVelvet · 04/06/2015 12:56

Every pregnancy is different, and risk factors are just averages over whole populations - they don't tell you what's going to happen to you.
DH and I were both 42 when wonderful DS (now 7) came along. It can work!
Good luck Smile

fanjoforthemammaries7850 · 04/06/2015 13:01

He was 28. She is disabled. You can't predict such things..I would just go for it.

LarrytheCucumber · 04/06/2015 13:03

DH was almost 42 and I was almost 43.

Original poster
SweetCharlotteRose · 04/06/2015 13:04

Since I found out I haven't had a sugar above 6.5 - I test a lot anyway.
However on Sunday I had a set failure (typical) and a reading of 15 so I'm panicking about that. It wasn't high for long but still...

I wasn't going to contact the diabetic team until after I've had an early scan - if I get that far. I don't have a good feeling about it. I've no symptoms at all.

OP posts:
Original poster
SweetCharlotteRose · 04/06/2015 13:05

Sorry meant to say I've got an insulin pump, hence set failure.

OP posts:
jimijack · 04/06/2015 13:10

Dh was 41, I was 43 after years and years of trying, multiple miscarriages and tests galore. Smile

Original poster
SweetCharlotteRose · 04/06/2015 13:23

I'm glad you got there Jim, it sounds very difficult.

I guess I keep thinking I won't be that lucky, why would I be? At this point a baby seems as impossible as winning the lottery, more so actually.

OP posts:
Original poster
SweetCharlotteRose · 04/06/2015 13:24

A baby is what happens to other people.

OP posts:
WeePoppy · 04/06/2015 13:29

DH is 45 and we are expecting our first Smile. I am quite a bit younger though.

ouryve · 04/06/2015 13:31

The miscarriage rate is about 1 in 3 known pregnancies, anyhow. You need to look at statistics in context.

scallopsrgreat · 04/06/2015 13:38

DH was 47 & I was 40 with our youngest. We had miscarriage when I was younger (34 - he would have been 41).

But we had no problem conceiving, so I'm not sure if I am representative.

However "A baby is what happens to other people." resonates. I never really believed I'd be a mother until our first was in my arms. And even then it still felt like it was happening to someone else!

Good luck though Flowers.

scallopsrgreat · 04/06/2015 13:39

And a good point by ouryve.