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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

To ask how old your dp was when you had your last dc?

80 replies

SweetCharlotteRose · 03/06/2015 19:51

I've just discovered - after three years and much failed fertility treatment - that I'm pregnant. I'm only 4 days late so obviously there's a good chance it will all go horribly wrong.
Even though I'm 'only' 32, dh is 40 and I've been reading all this terrifying stuff saying that if the male partner is over 40 the miscarriage rate is around 40%. Male factor is our issue as well, dh has had hardly any normal forms on sperm tests and low motility (can't swim, they've got two heads).
I've convinced myself there's no way this will turn into a baby and I reckon it's pretty much our last shot.

In addition some research suggests that the time taken to conceive can raise miscarriage risk and I'm a type 1 diabetic which raises it again, I must be practically at 100%!

Please humour me by telling me many stories of how you had successful pregnancies with partners over 40.

OP posts:
KitCat26 · 03/06/2015 20:35

Dh was 45 and 47 when our DDs were born. Good luck OP Flowers

PomBearWithAnOFRS · 03/06/2015 21:50

DH was 41 a month before our youngest was born.

valrhona · 03/06/2015 21:51

DH was 45, and I was 38. No probs at all and easy pg. Fingers x'd for you both Smile

FirstWeTakeManhattan · 03/06/2015 21:53

DH was 43 when our first DD was born! He was 51 when our DC3 was born just over a year ago. They're all healthy, wonderful, fine.

Good luck OP.

Oldraver · 03/06/2015 21:58

OH was 45, his first DC. His Dad had his last DC at 57...

leedy · 03/06/2015 22:05

DP was 38, I was 40.

Friend of mine was born when his dad was 58 and his mum was 48. He was a bit of a surprise, apparently...

pillowaddict · 03/06/2015 22:22

Dh was 40 when dd2 was conceived and she is now a healthy 4 month old. Hope all goes well

nokidshere · 03/06/2015 22:30

I was 39 and dh 47 when we had our first
I was 41 and he was 49 with our second

All was well - good luck

grumpysquash · 03/06/2015 22:32

My DH was 38, 40 and 43 when we had our DC (I was 32, 34 and nearly 37)
We had similar sperm issues. But once a sperm has fertilised an egg, there is no reason why it should be at all compromised in making a baby.
But I get your anxiety

Sheitgeist · 03/06/2015 22:35

DH was 45 and I was 41 when we had our youngest. No problems at all.

Good luck x

skankingpiglet · 03/06/2015 22:35

I was 29 and DH 41 when our PFB was conceived. She's perfectly healthy Grin We hope to start trying for number 2 in 6 months or so, when I'll be 32 and DH 43.
DH was also concerned about the added risks of his additional years, so did a bit of research if it really makes any difference. A quick google search seemed to throw up that although there are slightly increased risks with him being one step away from a retirement home, hehehe the woman's age is much more influential.

BathshebaDarkstone · 03/06/2015 22:40

I was 44, DH was 57. Our lovely DS was born healthy and perfect.

grumpysquash · 03/06/2015 22:43

Also, I'd like to add that I imagine it was in mainstream press that you read the statistic about dads over 40 and miscarriage rate (is that right?). If you take pregnancies generated by all men over 40, the average age of the partners is likely to be higher than in other studies......which may well explain the miscarriage rate, which does definitely get higher with female age.
I would bet that if you took a study where all the men were over 40 and all the women under 30 (for example), that the miscarriage rate wouldn't be especially high.
Please don't overthink it if you can help it. I have done that - it's really hard not to - but it doesn't help.
and all the best with the pregnancy.

Only1scoop · 03/06/2015 22:44

I was 37 he was 46

chickydoo · 03/06/2015 22:51

He was
40, 43, 46 and 49

ollieplimsoles · 03/06/2015 23:18

Step away from google op,its not your friend! Congratulations on your pregnancy i hope all goes well for you.

My dad was in his 40s when all 3 of my half siblings were conceived and was 49 when the last one was born, no problems and all healthy!

BackforGood · 03/06/2015 23:20

This is hardly an AIBU.
dh was 29 whe our youngest was born (answering the title question)

Only1scoop · 03/06/2015 23:21

What's the AIBU?

esiotrot2015 · 03/06/2015 23:22

Dh was 29 when we had our first & 31 when we had our second

ollieplimsoles · 03/06/2015 23:24

i think the OP was maybe trying to avoid unreasonable googling by asking for positive stories?

Or asking if her worry about the risks was reasonable?
Hmm

BackforGood · 03/06/2015 23:30

So, ask that in the thread title and then we don't all need to open the thread if it doesn't app,y to us.

tinfoilhat · 03/06/2015 23:42

DH was just about to turn 49 when we had DC1 and he was 50 when DC 2 arrived. I'm 13 yrs younger.

We consider ourselves extremely lucky, as neither of us thought we wanted kids until we changed our minds a few years into our marriage. It was a 'now or never' situation due to DH's age and we were fortunate that everything happened very quickly.

As others have said, risks with everything....don't waste this precious time worrying. Enjoy and congratulations! X

CaptainSubtext · 03/06/2015 23:45

DH was 39 and 41 when we had ours. He is now 47 and we haven't ruled out another although he has said he wants to be less than 50 if we do (I'm younger so age not an issue for me)

velouria · 04/06/2015 00:01

My last 2 children were conceived when my partner was 43 and 46, I am younger though. I also had gestational diabetes with last baby, insulin and the works, probably should have with second despite negative gtt, he was a big chubster Grin. I don't think you are doomed at all, big congrats and fingers crossed.

OrangeVase · 04/06/2015 00:11

50 and 54
I was 38 and 42

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