To ask is your toddler your 100% focus?

[1wokeuplikethis]

The days where you're not working and you're alone with just your toddler, how much of the day do you spend together interacting with each other?

I have a 2yo and on my days with her I feel like if we aren't constantly playing/talking/singing it's not 'right'. For instance, if we're in the car I feel like I should talk to her. Constantly. If I don't talk to her I feel bad. If I'm in the shower and she is playing with her toys on the bathroom floor, if I've not said anything for a while I chastise myself and start singing some bloody nursery rhyme again. Even if she's not interested.

She wants me to play with her, so I do. Sometimes I'm busy doing something else like cooking/washing and she can play happily by herself. But she owns the telly and the iPads. So...if I wanted to sit down with a cup of tea and watch something, she will demand peppa and/or cry/climb all over me constantly to get my attention and it's easier just to give in and let her do what she wants.

Perversely, if I do manage to snatch 20mins of peace I beat myself up for being a crap distant mum (God, I am annoying. Seriously bloody annoying, I know).

Other mums seem so chilled and I stil seem so frazzled like the early baby days.

Just wondering what others do to try as get some perspective on if I'm being a twat really; a twatty trying to be Mary poppins div.

I am a SAHM to my 19 month old DS. He is always very content to play alone when we are in the house, he will run about playing for hours if I let him! I just sort of supervise while I do my own thing tidying, online, housework etc. If he does come up to me with a toy wanting me to play, I do but not for long because he will run off and do his own thing. If he brings me a book I will read for as long as he wants. As long as I am in the background he is happy and even when he is playing alone I will occasionally ask him questions or tell him what things are.

In the car we put the radio on what we like, I will speak to him maybe once every half hour to check he is OK but usually he is watching out the window or biting his blankie!

Say we go to the park, he will run about and do what he wants while I stay near to make sure he is safe. He will try to engage me a bit to play but generally is very happy to run around and do as he pleases.

I think it is down to their personality though, my friend with twins has one twin who is exactly like my son and the other likes a lot of 1-1 interaction and they have been like that since birth!

No. At a rough estimate I'd say between fifty to seventy five percent at best.
Ds1 is four and right from tiny has been happy to be put on his playmat to play or be held and play. Now he's older he is quite capable of independent play as once he was old enough to stop napping I iinsisted on an hour of quiet play in his room instead. I was pg with ds2 at the time and without the break I would not have coped!
It has paid dividends as ds2 who is now 14 months is a cra sleeper and won't nap in his cot in the day time. He sleeps in the buggy downstairs and ds1 plays in his room upstairs.
My logic is that in a paid job you still get tea breaks to help you get through the day so as a sahm I think I deserve the same! I get to have a rest, watch some non kiddy telly or mn and ds1 has learned to play independently very well.
On the other hand, if he'd been very unhappy with the idea I'm not sure what I would have done! Ds2 is a much clingier little chap and hates me going out of sight. I hope I can encourage some independant play as he gets older, but I don't want to push him into something that will distress him. He does seem to get a lot of my undivided attention, it can be awkward if I'm trying to be a bit more ds1 focussed and ds2 won't stop crying as I'm not cuddling him.
Still at least ds2 is now happy to be in daddy's sole company so I get a little break most evenings.

Thank god I'm not alone in my benign neglect of my 2 year old!

I tend to mn whilst she potters about throwing out the occasional "that's lovely sweetie" when she shows me something!

I bloody love this thread! Another one who regularly beats herself with the mummy guilt stick here and this makes me feel loads better. I have two toddlers very close in age. My DD goes to nursery 4 mornings a week. It was less but I had to up it because she is constantly on the go and she never stops talking and had outgrown the available toddler groups. I couldn't keep them both occupied and happy no matter what I did. Every activity or story lasted 30 seconds. The two whole days alone with both incessantly pestering me nearly drove me mad. I couldn't do anything in peace - not anything - and it was sending me over the edge. I love my own space and they just would not give me an inch. DS was a Velcro baby and until very, very recently (last two weeks) a Velcro toddler. He is just turning 2 and has suddenly adjusted to the fact that he doesn't have to be on me every second of the day ....he would whine constantly if he wasn't having a cuddle. He's suddenly started pottering on his own and wandering off to amuse himself. Halleluuuuuujah.

I let mine be around me a lot but Im also not afraid to use tv for a bit when I need a break and sometimes I say 'right it's playtime' and pack them upstairs to play. This used to be accompanied by screams from DS but now they have no issue - it's ME who feels guilty doing it! DH just rolls his eyes and says if I've been with one or both all day I'm damn well entitled to a break.

As a result of independent play / nursery my DD has the most fantastic imagination and DS is learning too. She makes up fabulous games which he goes along with. Every toy has a dual purpose, the tools in her toolkit are 'ice creams' etc and I do accept now had I played with her as much as she wanted me to (which was all day) she may not have developed that strength.

Honestly my mum NEVER played with me. And that in itself wasn't an issue, though trips to the park etc would have been nice and I do take mine out for lots of fresh air and to do stuff and lots of playdates with other kids.

I have completely pandered to my children and they will not play independently at all. They are 5 and 2. I don't even know what independent play looks like?

We have toys but not many because they are never ever played with unless I'm doing it from beginning to end with them.

I feel bad because I work from home and I just use TV and ipad when I have to do something else. I wish I wish I wish they would play!

Silly question, but what toys/games have you found popular?

Some kids are better at amusing themselves than others.

DD1 has always been able to amuse herself quite well, I was on maternity leave with DD2 when DD1 was 18-27 months. She pottered about herself quite happily if I was busy but thankfully DD2 was a great sleeper so we had lots of time to do things together as well.

DD2 can't amuse herself at all but as a toddler she had her big sister to keep her amused, if I was doing housework then they played happily together. Once DD1 started school she was a nightmare, DS was a baby at that point and DD2 followed me around while I dealt with him telling me how bored she was. Argh!!!

DS is like DD1 and can potter about himself quite happily, today I was hanging out the clothes while he happily played with the marble run inside by himself (usually he comes out and plays but wasn't in the mood today). His sisters are both at school so his day with me consists of doing the school run, some pottering time while I do the housework, bit of reading, lunch, nap, school run, watching TV (Operation Ouch, not sure what a 2 year old will get out of that but never mind) and playing with his sisters. He's a poor neglected third child so has no activities focused just on him, he's always tagging behind his sisters.

Dd (3) will play for ages with her play kitchen. Gets all the plastic food and the plates etc out. Every so often she'll bring me a "cuppa".

I have her toys roughly organised into baskets so she'll spend ages getting each basket out and going through it. They've got all sorts of random tat and old stocking fillers in.

She will also play with the Happyland people or Playmobil for ages. Duplo too.

She has her board books on an easy to reach shelf so she'll spend a while getting those down and flicking through them.

This has inspired me thank you.

Any tips on how to stop siblings from fighting? We had instant hysterics about a piece of wet tissue earlier.

Almost 5 year old likes dressing up, lego, train set, drawing/colouring, playmobil, action figures.

1 year old likes big vehicles (e.g Wow toys), pots and pans, duplo, board books, dragging things around on string, moving things from one box or bag to another and sitting in boxes

I ignore fighting unless there's blood.

thornyhousewife I have an almost 5 yo DS and a 2 yo DD, they love playing together. Several of the Orchard toys games esp shopping list, or pop up pirate. Or I'll bung them a sheet and they'll make a den and cart in some play food for a picnic. House is a wreck at the end of the day but then we turn over the sand timer and play the tidy up race

OP, just wondering with bath time not being great, are you still doing daily baths? We're down to once a week now unless there's some form of spillage/accident/fight with the Nutella.

You'll be doing yourself and your DD a massive favour by letting her just get on with solo playing. My error was to use the iPad too much. She's much happier if I'm pottering than if I'm engrossed, that's when she tries to interrupt.

Playdoh is currently the thing in our house which gets some real focused attention for a good half an hour or so.

Other toys I find that if I start her playing and the back away slowly, she'll keep going herself for a while.

We've just started with playtime on her own, in her bedroom, for 30-45 mins. We were fortunate that she napped till gone 3 but she's just started to drop them and we felt everyone still needed a bit of time alone. It's taken a week or so for her to get it, but now she quite happy with it. We build up to "quiet time soon", just like we would with a nap, and then she goes in her room with a drink and a snack, lights low, lots of toys and books out and the gro clock set for a certain time. She actually asks for the door to be shut now. I read a few good blogs on it, that if you start with 5 minutes and do lots of praise when they stay in their room, you can slowly build up to a good amount of time.

For me it's not just important that I get half an hour of peace and quiet (though that is nice ), I also think it's good to teach her to spend a bit of time amusing herself. Though hopefully as she gets older it will be something she'll just do herself.

Yep bath every night as I'm a sucker for routine. Husband does most nights though. And she hasn't been napping for the past 2 months, I think that has coincided with my feeling a bit overwhelmed. I heard someone describe a toddlers nap akin to crack for mums. I used to use that 1.5hts to SIT ON MY BUM and just stop for a bit, I miss the break of my running around at 300mph making juice, fast forwarding Peppa because it's adverts, wiping a bum and cleaning the potty etc.

If I'm pottering she does play by herself for a bit but then says 'mummy? You play in my tent? You play my house?' And I feel heartless if I have to say 'I'm just doing the washing up...'

4 year old loves playmobil. Don't know if its a boy thing but he loves all the little parts that you can take apart and put back together again. It's like construction and fantasy play combined. He can lose himself for hours - perfect!

Its really important to teach them as early as you can the need to self-entertain. It doesn't do them any favours at all to expect constant attention. They won't get it in childcare or nursery or school or life! And the ability to be happy by oneself is a wonderful one to encourage in a child.

No, you mustn't feel heartless - you have needs too. But you have to teach her patience. So if she says 'you play in my tent' and you're doing something say something like 'in just three minutes when mummy has finished these dishes'. Then go and do it, of course . Play for a bit, then when it feels natural, go and do something else. When she wants you back, say when you will go and play. Keep extending, keep following through on your promises.

As she gets older you can start to say things like 'mummy needs half an hour to do x, y and z and then we will do ' You could even set a timer! It's just getting her used to doing stuff on her own.

And never respond to 'I'm bored'. I mean, respond, but only by giving a couple of options or suggestions, not by jumping in to play/solve it. Rod. Back. Your's!