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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

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Original poster

To continue to breastfeed although others think it's 'unfair' to my baby?

70 replies

PrawnToast12 · 01/06/2015 18:56

Background: 7 month old, combination fed from birth. Had a few problems with bottle rejection the past couple of months but persevered and all is well now.
Love breastfeeding but just cant do it exclusively. Partner may give her a couple of bottles in the evening, say 3 days a week to let me get on with jobs/take a bath/put 2 yr old to bed.

Now the next 3 months are choca bloc with events. Two weddings (child free) and the hen dos of very close friends (one hen do is in Spain for two nights) plus two 40th parties. Since having my first child, I have never been one to leave them to socialise but this time I have accepted the invitations. (close friends, and quite frankly I want to go!)

My nana and mum both say its selfish of me to breastfeed and not be with my baby all the time as I am taking away her main comfort. They also said I am leaving my partner to pick up the pieces (he has never complained, encourages me to go, and never had any problems when having her overnight previously - when I have been ill on occasion since she has
Been born).

After August, everything will settle down - no more weddings, hen dos or 40th parties (we have a small social circle).
But then I am told to give up the breastfeeding for preparation for her going to the childminder full time in October (going back to work). That it will be distressing for her if she is not weaned off the boob.

Am I selfish for continuing to breastfeed? To accept the invitations? To do both at the same time?

Prepared for the truth from you guys even if it hurts.

OP posts:

Original poster

PrawnToast12 · 01/06/2015 19:46

Phantom - I am absolutely serious about breastfeeding. I have an oversupply, and will continue to pump whilst I am not with her, so supply should not be affected. People manage whilst exclusively pumping don't they. And I am absolutely not maintaining that level of social life for very long. Its unfortunate that these events of very close friends have fallen all so close together. I literally havnt been anywhere since getting pregnant with my first 3 years ago. Also, apart from Spain, I will be prepared to go home at the first sign of any problems. Thanks for your responses.
Its quite annoying really that dp has been on both the corresponding stag dos (weekends in brighton and Newcastle - far from home) and nobody bats an eyelid. Its still a mans world in many respects!

OP posts:

FloJo151 · 01/06/2015 19:51

yanbu. If you and partner think that all will be well then you going to spain is fine.
Your supply will be established enough at this point that it will be fine (however you will need to express at least a couple of times a day depending on how often baby feeds so as you don't get too engorged and end up with mastitis).
You may then find that when you come back baby will prob feed more often than they normally do. This is quite normal and will get your supply back to where they want it. (you may also find that baby has another day or 2 of not wanting to feed. this too is quite normal and you can carry on offering bf until they want to accept it)

With the weddings I too think that it sounds like your mum is worried if she'll be able to calm/soothe baby if she gets distressed.
Does she look after baby regularly? Maybe do a trail run with similar hours to the wedding?

going back to work will be fine as again your supply will be well established. You can carry on feeding aas often as you ike when not at work and then bottle/cup when baby at childminders. Baby will not get confused.

willbillycome · 01/06/2015 19:52

Just smile and nod. Tell them "I can see where you're coming from, but we have this covered thanks."

No need to be rude to potential babysitters eh?

The right time to wean off the boob is when it feels right to you and dc, this clearly doesn't just now. Have fun at your parties, as my dh is always telling me -you're not just a mum, you gotta take time to be you too

TribbleNamedDave · 01/06/2015 19:54

Bloody hell, she needs to wind her neck in. Just make sure you take a pump with you and pump so you can maintain your supply and you should be fine. You're not being selfish or a bad Mother.

TiggieBoo · 01/06/2015 19:56

I returned to work when DD was 5 months old and continued breastfeeding till she was 13 months. It never occurred to me or her that it was selfish because I wasn't with her 24/7...

HazleNutt · 01/06/2015 19:57

I went back full time when DS was not even 4 months and EBF. Including overnight work trips. He does not seem to be damaged by this.

Stinkersmum · 01/06/2015 19:59

If you, DP and DC are happy, quite frankly fuck what anyone else thinks. And soontobesix - get a grip.

Karoleann · 01/06/2015 20:02

Just stop now, it'll be much easier and you won't need to pump.

7mo is old anyway (I'd had enough at 4 mo!).

There's no major benefit if you continue now anyway.
(If anyone want to contradict this please post a proper peer-reviewed abstract, rather than a link to kelly-mom or la leche thing)

Hissy · 01/06/2015 20:04

Please don't take any more calls from your nan.

If she comes out with that shit again, please feel free to pm me her number and ILL explain it to her.

How bloody dare she?

Orange6358 · 01/06/2015 20:04

I bf all mine. Anything that's a day trip should be fine because you can do a couple if bottles plus yogurt. However two nights in Spain could be hell for your breasts, your DD and DH.

Also when you return to work you can still do an evening and morning feed. It's just day time feeds that might be an issue

Hissy · 01/06/2015 20:06

You and your partner are being great parents, please don't let these stupid women upset you

WorldsBiggestGrotbag · 01/06/2015 20:06

Wow, well I mix fed from 5 months because that's what suited us as a family. Didn't occur to me that I was being selfish or depriving DD of comfort. She never seemed bothered anyway! Her dad was more than able to provide her comfort without BF'ing her.

PurpleCrazyHorse · 01/06/2015 20:07

DD started 3 days a week at the CM when I went back to work, she was 9mo. I continued to BF morning and evenings on my working days (DD had formula in a sippy cup at the CM) and BF during the day as well, on the days I didn't work. Supply seemed to even out eventually and I didn't need to pump on working days but had enough supply on the other days!!

In fact when DD was 8mo I offered to go on a work conference for two days. DD was exclusively BF and a bottle refuser but clearly with returning to work on the horizon, DH and I decided I should go. I had a great time, DH had a harder one as DD flattly refused to take a bottle and he went to his parents in the end where she finally took the formula in a cup in non-home surroundings. We weren't being cruel and I wasn't being a wicked mother, DD was fine, DH was fine. We decided together what we were doing and DD is now a fully adjusted 5yo

I'd politely ask them to butt out, although I appreciate it's difficult if your mum is looking after the children for one or both of the events. I'd try a vague...we've got it covered when I go back to work as it doesn't really specify what arrangements you're making.

Do whatever works for your, your children and your DP, and ignore everyone else.

Nolim · 01/06/2015 20:08

Karoleann i dont know if there is a benefit but afaik there is not a downside either. So it comes down to the preference of the mum. She has made her preference clear.

cariadlet · 01/06/2015 20:09

Do what suits you and your baby. Combination feeding is working really well, you're going to express to keep up your supply, so I can't see any problem with going away.
No way should you be weaning dd because you are going to go back to work. You should be weaning when either you or dd (ideally both!) feel that it is the right time for you.

My dd was exclusively bf and I still went back to work at 7 months. She was absolutely fine. She had nice big early morning and evening feeds off me, plus a bit of expressed milk during the day (I never managed to express much once I was working ft) plus some solids. It worked fine for us. No need to wean off the boob just because you are working.

Orange6358 · 01/06/2015 20:10

I'm sure you will be fine if you pump though. Two nights away is not enough to kill your supply

WorldsBiggestGrotbag · 01/06/2015 20:12

Karoleann you may have had enough at 4 months, doesn't mean everyone should!

LadyCuntingtonThe3rd · 01/06/2015 20:13

How will you keep up the supply? You will have to pump as often as you can, otherwise you'll end up with blockage or mastitis.
Your mum and nan are a bit funny. How is it their business, what your child is eating? Oh wait, it's not. So they should STFU.

CultureSucksDownWords · 01/06/2015 20:13

Your Nan is being very rude and undermining, and I also wouldn't be taking any more calls from her without a meaningful apology first.

I'm puzzled by the people on this thread who are criticizing you for daring to go away for a short time! The baby will be with her father, and be perfectly well looked after. She's already used to bottles so won't be upset about having bottle feeds for the duration.

And I'm having a little chuckle to myself about the idea that breastfeeding is pointless beyond some arbitrary (small) number of months! I'm not sure that my DS would have agreed with that I found it a really useful way to reconnect with my DS after a day at nursery, as well as the nutritional and the immunological (is that the word I mean?) benefits.

WorldsBiggestGrotbag · 01/06/2015 20:14

I managed 2 days away when DD was 4 months old. Just pumped when she would normally feed. Wasn't an issue at all!

Iggi999 · 01/06/2015 20:19

Karoleann did you miss where the OP said she "loved" bf? But she should stop because...?
I love that you post an opinion with nothing to back it up but demand than anyone disagreeing with you provide a peer-reviewed abstract!

Roseotto · 01/06/2015 21:03

Karoleann, hilarious post.

OP, you will be fine skipping those feeds so long as you pump instead of feeding. I did a night away at 8 months (I didn't manage two but you could) and two nights at 10 months. There was a lot of pumping but it was fine and so will you, and your baby, be.

Soduthen116 · 01/06/2015 21:06

soontobesix

Are you drunk? Come off it!

flora717 · 01/06/2015 21:18

Once dc took to food I found BF rapidly reduced to evening feed only (easy for work). I didn't get the chance to go out at that point, but with a supportive partner, sounds a good chance. If you have a surplus have you considered donating milk?

drinkscabinet · 01/06/2015 21:28

Perfectly fine to keep BF if it suits you, you and your OH have clearly got thing sorted. One point, there's no need to try and cut down feeds to just morning and night before returning to work unless that's what you want to do, your supply will cope with variations across the week. At 1 year your LO can have cows milk at nursery/childminders and BF at home. I've done that with all three of mine (except the one who has a CMPA who has only ever had breastmilk because he refuses to drink soya milk).

For your trip to Spain next week I'd probably pump and dump when there but just do it to relieve your boobs, if you suffer from oversupply you don't want to stimulate your supply too much with a pump. I'd express less than I'd normally BF, your LO will be able to build up your supply very easily at 7 months when you get back together.

Have a great time, I'm very jealous of your child free trips away!

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