Please or to access all these features

Add post

Watch this thread

Save thread

Start a new thread

Flip thread

Hide thread

My feed

Active Unanswered threads

Getting started FAQ's

Unanswered threads Acronyms Talk guidelines

Hide shortcut buttons

Talk

AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Flip

1 2

Original poster

AIBU to be offended by this

50 replies

ItsTricky · 01/06/2015 18:18

A friend who has a child the same age as my child moved out of our town a few months ago. She moved her child from the school also attended by my child. It's a very good school with an excellent reputation in the area and I am very happy with my child's progress.

I wished her well. The children were all very sad. We said we'd keep in touch etc. Mainly we keep in touch via Facebook.

Lately, she's been posting on Facebook bigging up the new school and saying how much better it is than the old one.

The posts are frequent. Today she posted 'So glad xxxxx is at xxxxxx school now. It's miles better than xxxxxx school. So glad we moved here'.

I'm happy that her child is happy and settled. But seething that she would be derogatory about the old school. My child is there!

She's facebook friends with a number of parents from the old school so it can't just be me that she's offending

OP posts:

formerbabe · 01/06/2015 18:20

Just ignore it...if you're happy with your child's school then that's all that matters.

WinterOfOurDiscountTents15 · 01/06/2015 18:20

YABU. It's her opinion that the new school is better for her kid than the old one. It's not about you.

LIZS · 01/06/2015 18:21

Why are you offended ? She made her choice , you are happy with yours.

flora717 · 01/06/2015 18:21

You could respond that you're glad the new school is a better fit for her DC/ her idea of what formal education should look like/ that the DC have settled well with the upheaval. What is it she thinks is so great?

amicissimma · 01/06/2015 18:25

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

Original poster

ItsTricky · 01/06/2015 18:29

I have responded to previous posts saying I'm pleased the move has gone well and that her child has settled.

I'm just a bit gobsmacked that someone could be so rude about a school that a number of her friends children attend.

OP posts:

Original poster

ItsTricky · 01/06/2015 18:51

Another post was about the uniform. My dd has green uniform and wears the green/white checked summer dresses. Her dd's new school has red/white summer dresses. She posted a pic of her dd in her new dress saying 'much better than the yucky green ones'.

OP posts:

flowery · 01/06/2015 18:55

Don't really get why you're offended. Unless you work at the school or something? She holds a different opinion about the school, but as long as you're both happy with the education your children are receiving, does that matter?

Even with the best schools, there will be some for whom its not the right fit, or who have a bad experience

I can't imagine getting offended if someone expressed a negative opinion about the navy jumpers my DC wear!

WinterOfOurDiscountTents15 · 01/06/2015 18:55

So she's not allowed to like different colours to you?

You sound kinda insecure in your own choices.

LIZS · 01/06/2015 18:55

Why are you taking this so personally ? You can always block her posts. Everyone feels the need to self justify occasionally.

theroundball · 01/06/2015 18:58

YABU and taking it personally which, unless you're responsible for the standard of education provided or manners and morals of the pupils, is really not necessary.

She's done the best for her child, you've done the best for yours. There's nothing to be offended about.

CultureSucksDownWords · 01/06/2015 18:58

Do you think she is right? If not, then she's expressing her different opinion, which she is allowed to hold!

She is being somewhat immature and possibly insensitive in how she expresses it, so hide or block her posts if it bothers you.

Or ask her what she likes more about the new school - it could be interesting to find out.

luckiestgirlintheworld · 01/06/2015 19:01

happylittlevegemites · 01/06/2015 19:02

Actually, I think she sounds annoying. And tactless. I don't bitch about previous jobs on Facebook (as an example) mostly because I have friends who used to work there, or who know someone who did, or might in the future, etc.

OrangeVase · 01/06/2015 19:04

Taking it to personally.
I hate brown uniforms! Yuck!! (I have now offended someone)

I know it is not the same because she seems to be putting down your school but really don't let it get to you.

Original poster

ItsTricky · 01/06/2015 19:08

If she'd had a problem with the school and moved her dd for that reason, it would make more sense.

No, I don't work at the school.

OP posts:

Instituteofstudies · 01/06/2015 19:08

She sounds insensitive. No matter how much I preferred the new school, I wouldn't diss the old school on facebook, knowing that my friends' children attend it. Yes, she is happy with her choice but it comes across as "Your children go to a shit school. Really happy we're out of it.". Just ignore. Sounds rather immature and un self aware. Just because her child is doing better in the new place, doesn't mean the old school was bad, just that the new one happens to suit her child better.

Original poster

ItsTricky · 01/06/2015 19:11

So, if I'm being unreasonable, it would be ok for me to comment on the pic of her dd in red dress 'so glad my dd doesn't have that yucky colour'?

I just wouldn't. It's completely rude.

OP posts:

workhouse · 01/06/2015 19:13

Yes she is being rude OP.

She is probably insecure and worried that her dd isn't at such a good school so is childishly mocking the old school to make herself feel better. Sad.

BerylStreep · 01/06/2015 19:15

I sort of know how you feel. My Dsis has a friend who called the school she put her 4 DC through, and at which she spent a lot of time volunteering, a shit-hole. She and her husband went on and on about how crap it was, and they moved their child to another school.

My Dsis said it really irritated her, because she felt that not only were they criticising the school, but also her parenting choices.

It sounds to me that there might be some sort of story about her child moving which you haven't heard about. She does seem to be a bit negative.

Maybe the way to respond is to say it's such a shame she doesn't have positive memories of the place.

DoJo · 01/06/2015 19:20

Sound like she is trying to convince herself - we all want to believe that we have made the right decisions, and when we aren't sure we work extra hard to justify our choices based on things that may seem completely unimportant. Instead of taking it personally, why not just assume that she is desperate for her kids to fit in to a new school despite arriving half way through the school year and is expressing it by putting down the old school? Assuming she moved for her own reasons rather than because she was looking for a better school for her kids, she is probably experiencing a significant amount of guilt for uprooting them - if you're happy with your decisions then you can afford to be kind.

Yarp · 01/06/2015 19:23

I agree with DoJo

When people are being a bit insensitive, boastful, or whatever, I just assume it's about them. Nothing for me to be offended by

Charley50 · 01/06/2015 19:26

YANBU to be irritated, but just ignore her on the subject. And yes she is being insensitive.

Gabilan · 01/06/2015 19:27

She sounds a bit insecure. I suspect that her experience of the school was different from yours. Moving is stressful and perhaps she's just trying to justify the choices she's made to herself.

I'd just unfollow her on FB so you don't see what she's posting. It seems irritating, but not worth starting a big argument about especially if her problems do stem from insecurity.

fourchetteoff · 01/06/2015 19:28

That is hilariously insensitive!

I don't know if it's worth getting offended by, but I would certainly be thinking 'what a dick' if she was comparing things unfavourably.

How good a friend is she? I certainly have many friends who I could jokingly/not jokingly point out that their comments might be a little unsettling. Otherwise, I'd just stick them on your acquaintances list so you don't have to keep reading about how inadequate the school is.

Flip

1 2