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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

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Original poster

AIBU to be offended by this

50 replies

ItsTricky · 01/06/2015 18:18

A friend who has a child the same age as my child moved out of our town a few months ago. She moved her child from the school also attended by my child. It's a very good school with an excellent reputation in the area and I am very happy with my child's progress.

I wished her well. The children were all very sad. We said we'd keep in touch etc. Mainly we keep in touch via Facebook.

Lately, she's been posting on Facebook bigging up the new school and saying how much better it is than the old one.

The posts are frequent. Today she posted 'So glad xxxxx is at xxxxxx school now. It's miles better than xxxxxx school. So glad we moved here'.

I'm happy that her child is happy and settled. But seething that she would be derogatory about the old school. My child is there!

She's facebook friends with a number of parents from the old school so it can't just be me that she's offending

OP posts:

guineawigs · 01/06/2015 19:31

YANBU.

I have a friend who took against my DC's school because they would only show her around it during the window when the school applications are happening and not 3 months before that (busy and popular school, they have to keep appts within that timeframe or it'd be mayhem).

She was very snotty about my DC school on fb but she didn't get a place at the out of catchment school she applied to and has now had to go on the waiting list for my DC school as she stupidly didn't put it down as second place karma.

It's all well and good to have opinions but show some tact at least. She's just putting others down to make herself feel better about her own choices.

MakeItRain · 01/06/2015 19:32

Her posts are a bit odd. She must realise she's being really insensitive. However she's probably unhappy about the move in some way. If she was really happy she wouldn't need to make critical comments about other people's choices. Either completely ignore her comments, or if she's a good friend keep an eye out for her in case she's upset or unhappy about something.

AuntyMag10 · 01/06/2015 19:35

Yabu, she's just stating her opinion. I think you shouldn't place so much focus on her life to the point it annoys you.

Original poster

ItsTricky · 01/06/2015 19:37

I guess it's just not the sort of thing I'd say, which is why it's upset me. I'd think 'My school is better than yours' but never say it. Just like if I had a newer car, or bigger house.

We're only friendly through the girls and as they don't really see each other now I guess removing her as a Facebook friend is the way to go. Sad, as the girls were such good friends.

OP posts:

SnowyPiglet · 01/06/2015 19:42

She is being a bit insensitive and rude, unfortunately, and not thinking of others. Last year we moved our son out of his school (it was expanding too fast we thought) and put him in another which is, in our opinion, much better. But he has some friends still in the old school and I wouldn't DREAM of saying how much better the new school is to the parents we left behind. It's just not polite. So I would not be surprised if you are a bit miffed (but 'offended' is probably a bit strong).

pinkisthenewpink · 01/06/2015 19:47

Did she maybe move because her DC was unhappy at the school or that she felt there was a bad fit with it? in which case you could read her comments as "this school is so much better for my child than his/her last school. So glad I moved." I know that's not what she said, but otherwise the comments are a bit insensitive. Still are insensitive but maybe with context to her situation the benefit of the doubt could be extended (clutches at straws possibly, in Pollyanna-tries-to-see-the-best-in-people way)??!

Original poster

ItsTricky · 01/06/2015 19:48

Yes I agree offended is a bit strong. I wasn't too bad with the red dress post but today's blatant 'new school is so much better than the old one' tipped me over the edge!

OP posts:

Stopandlook · 01/06/2015 19:50

It would annoy me too, in fact I have a friend that did the same when she changed schools. So a yanbu from me, but just hide her updates.

Original poster

ItsTricky · 01/06/2015 19:56

It was a house move. The dd was still at the old school for a few weeks but it was difficult transporting her as neither parent drives. So, it was a decision based on location, rather than school suitability. As far as I know. But even so, she's being a bit off about the old school. Luckily, I have many much more tactful friends. Dying to see what our mutual friends think of her posts but I'll keep a dignified silence - unless one of them brings it up

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AntiHop · 01/06/2015 19:58

Yanbu. She's being tactless.

Yarp · 01/06/2015 20:04

The thing is, that we all have doubts about things - I guess you have doubts about your school or it would be water off a ducks back. It's just some people are not as good at hiding their doubts as others. I just sort of shrug about that. And if I like them in other ways, let the annoyance go. I have a friend like this who every now and again says things that 9if I was a bit more sensitive0 would piss me right off. I just have a bot of a moan to my DH and forgive her - it's about her insecurities, not borne of a wish to upset or hurt me.

Only1scoop · 01/06/2015 20:06

She knows she's winding people up and it sounds like she's doing a great job of it ....ignore. Stop reading the boring shite.

Fatmomma99 · 01/06/2015 20:10

Really sounds to me like she's convincing herself

mewkins · 01/06/2015 20:14

I would suspect that she ir her dc was a bit unsettled and so she was trying convince herself it was a good move. She doesn't sound very smart though. Most people would be ambivalent to the posts or be rubbed up the wrong way by them.

Fairy13 · 01/06/2015 20:15

YABU.

What makes a good school is totally subjective.
We moved my DSD to a new school when we moved house. It is really really sought after, great ofsted, rivals the private schools.

I bloody hated it. Pastorally they are shit - DSD has a lots of emotional issues due to mum not being in scene and her dad being a violent twit and then us splitting and her losing her primary care giver - they have provided no emotional support whatsoever. Could not care less.
Other parents absolutely love it. My friends child is dyslexic and hates it.

Different strokes.

5Foot5 · 01/06/2015 20:28

She is being rude and tactless. Maybe the school is a better fit for her DC. Maybe she genuinely does feel it is a nicer uniform, better establishment all round. But to announce this on a forum where she knows there are many people with DC at the other school is very insensitive and a bit childish.

However, just let it go. No doubt some of your other friends will feel the same as you and at the end of the day she is the one who looks silly and rude.

PtolemysNeedle · 01/06/2015 20:33

YANBU, your friend is being rude. Even if this is her opinion, she should use a bit of tact and keep it to herself.

AyMamita · 01/06/2015 20:33

YANBU - she's being very rude. Why not start a rumour at the Old School that she had to move her child because New School specialises in children who are very behind and badly behaved? Or because she was shagging the headmaster? Mwahahaha!

GobblersKnob · 01/06/2015 20:33

She sounds like a bit of a dick, lots of people are, just unfollow her.

3CheekyLittleMonkeys · 01/06/2015 20:47

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

tobysmum77 · 01/06/2015 21:22

That would irritate me too op. Defriend and move on.

Original poster

ItsTricky · 01/06/2015 21:43

Very tempted to post a pic of dd in her green school dress and add a bitchy comment but I wouldn't use my child in that way. I've hidden her from my newsfeed so I can physche myself up before seeing her stuff.

Reading back my first post I may sound a bit unreasonable. Should just shrug it off but it can be hard not to get emotional about things concerning my child, so I'll cut myself some slack.

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Stripyhoglets · 01/06/2015 21:45

Some people are just a pita about school choices and can't just be happy with what they have but have to put down other people's choices as part of that. She is one of them. De friend and move on with staying friends with parents at the same school.

Stripyhoglets · 01/06/2015 21:48

And yes, it's them criticising your parenting choices and it's upsetting. I don't bother with people who have behaved like this.

Only1scoop · 01/06/2015 21:48

Don't rise to it it's pathetic....it's nothing to do with the dc. It's her issue.

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