To be really pissed off at D"F" undermining me about DC'S occasional treats after meal tims

[Noonegivesashit]

I've always been quite strict with regards to meal times and keep treats to a minimum.

Yesterday we had been out for the day and both DC'S (5 & 22 months) were very well behaved so I told them that if they had a good attempt at eating their dinner, then they could have a small milky bar as a reward for their good behaviour.

I like them to try to eat a good amount of the food that is on their plate but I am very much against forcing them to eat every last morsel on their plates. We have always gently encouraged them to eat vegetables or at least have a try of whatever is on their plate and as a result, up to now, they will both try anything and will eat most vegetables put in front of them. I wait 30 minutes after them finishing their dinner to give them a treat.

DF decided yesterday that this wasn't good enough for her and that they should be eating everything on their plate!! I told her that I disagreed but she went ahead and told them that if they didn't eat it ALL up then they wouldn't be getting a treat, by this point they had both eaten 1/2 to 3/4 of their dinner Which is usually when they both decide that they are "full" (which is why I wait 30 mins before giving them their treat).

Until this point they had both been cooperative and well behaved and had both at least tried a bit of everything on their plate (we had beef stew with carrots, peas, turnip and mash) but due to her forceful attitude they both started to act up and get upset. They both ate a good amount and I made sure that they both got their treat half an hour after they had left the table.

I explained to DF that we had tried the "you must eat every last scrap on your plate" approach and that it turned mealtimes into a battlefield but when we backed off and gave more praise for what they did eat,they were more willing to try new things and ate more. She just responded "we always had to eat everything on our plate and it never did me any harm." I had to hold myself off from responding "apart from being at least 5 stones overweight."

YABNU about what your kids eat and when, your kids, your rules

YABVU and a complete bitch with your last sentence

Lol at your last line!!! Your kids, your rules, tell her to butt out and make it clear she doesn't get to set rules for your kids. Your children sound lovely,btw.

I'm not sure what DF means so have no idea exactly how UR they were being. If DF is the children's father then they were not being UR to have an opinion on how much the DCs had to eat before they received a treat.

Equally if DF is your fiancee then it's not UR for them to have an opinion on how much the DCs need to eat.

If DF is your friend then I have no idea why they were dictating what your DCs could eat unless you were in their house and they had cooked? I'm struggling to think of a situation where my friend would try to tell my DCs how much they had to eat.

Oh dear op she does sound an unpleasent opinionated bully.

I would pull away now as I don't like bullies around my children.

I would have actually pointed out her weight issues too. But then I am a bitch when my parenting is crossed.

What a horrible thing to say to your partner.

Well you both sound a bit U as friends (that last line is a bit mean OP though at least you didn't say it to her face). She should absolutely butt out of how you feed your DC though. She IBVU to interfere like that.

The last line is bitchy, but if a friend of mine started trying to overrule with regards to parenting, and upsetting my DCs, I'd probably be feeling a tad bitchy too! Your friend was BU, it's not her place. Did your DC get their treats?

Yes what does F stand for OP?

Confused now. Is this your friend, or your fiance? And if the latter, is she also the DCs mum?

Partner??? Df if her friend isn't she? Unless her father is female!

Who is DF? Whoever they are they sound a bit mean. Do what is best for you and works for your kids.

Df said it wasn't good enough for her

I don't think that last sentence is especially bitchy ~ a major contributing factor to the 'eat everything on your plate' mentality that is often ingrained from childhood is that people continue to eat long after they are full (and eventually become unable to recognize when they've eaten a reasonable portion size).

I suffer from this myself ~ I often keep going even when I'm stuffed in order to finish every last scrap on my plate, as this was the mantra at our mealtimes when I was a child. I've tried really hard not to pass this on to my children and so I never make them finish what's on their plate once they say they're full.

But I'd have told 'DF' this very clearly: 'I prefer the children to stop stop eating when they're full, even if that means some food gets left. You might do it a different way, but this is how I like my children to manage their appetites. I'll tell them when they can have a treat or not'.

Friend, and as I've said I didn't point this out to her but would've been well within my rights to, in fact she had told me that day "you look as though you've put some weight on."

If it's your friend then I would just not go out with them at mealtimes or if you do just tell them that you'll look after your child how you see fit.

If it's your fiancé you need to talk about this, decide how you will go forwards as you'll be giving mixed signals.

The final sentence is awful whether you're talking about your friend or your fiancé!

She sounds utterly delightful ~ tells you how to parent, tells you you've put on weight ...

She sounds like she has ishoos with food.

Pay no heed. Not least cos it's none of her bloody business.

Ah ok, friend. I would just distance myself when it comes to food and mealtimes. It's none of her business how you bring up your children.

And fudge face I wasn't meaning it as a bitchy comment but more as a consequence of the way she had been forced to finish everything on her plate.

The friend has no ability to judge when she's actually full and has had enough to eat. Her parents fucked that up for her, and interfered with her natural ability to stop eating when she was full. and she's now seriously overweight. So she shouldn't be telling others how to feed their children

Probably very true but the way the OP put it was still a wee bit mean to say about your friend. Though it doesn't sound like the friend is much of a friend anyway tbh.

Sounds like She's the last person
to be dishing out advice regarding food. Yanbu.

She doesn't sound like a great friend really IMO

Oh just read what your "friend" said about your weight OP! . Jeez, no longer surprised you made the comment about her weight.

YANBU. Your friend has no right to comment on how you feed your kids for a start, secondly the 'you must eat everything even if you're full' standpoint isn't helpful, and doesn't help kids learn to know when they're full and to stop.