Not giving any more gifts?

[Shellabrate]

Dh and I always have different views on gift giving. Finally it seems to have come to a head or reached a new point- he was disappointed with what I gave him for our anniversary- a book from the uni bookshop as I couldn't get to a shop and we live out of the way, with no card but a nice inscription inside. What's wrong with that?! He says he has been asking for a watch for years and says he'd prefer I put the money aside I would have spent on smaller gifts at birthday and Christmas etc so that in a year or so I could buy him a nice watch we choose together. I want to give him something I've chosen and think this is ridiculous- I've told him he can buy his own watch in a year or so or whatever he thinks is long enough and I won't buy him anymore presents. Is that so unreasonable?

I see that you don't want to buy him a watch that isn't to your taste but you need to accept that it's his taste that's important when buying him a present. You sound like one of those women who fall in love and then set about changing everything about the man from haircut to clothes and beyond!

Sorry but I think YABU. The gift should be all about the recipient - so what if he would choose a watch that isn't quite to your taste? It doesn't sound like you put much thought into the gift you bought and if I were him I'd feel a little hurt, especially if I put a lot of thought into what I bought you.

I think he will choose a bling kind of watch which I won't like to look at, rather than a more classic piece, and he has said he wants to choose it so I guess I am not that thrilled about giving a present I don't like to look at all the time

This might be one of the weirdest things I've ever read. Who cares if you don't like to look at his watch? Certainly him having something he would like and enjoy is the most important consideration.

I really don't understand your DH's attitude. If money is tight why stretch yourself at the moment? Stick with Swatch or Casio and a bottle. Save money other people such as parents or grandparents give you towards the fancy watch. Why put aside money you haven't got towards something unnecessary?

So you couldn't be arsed to shop for a present for him, couldn't be arsed to get him a card and now can't be arsed to change anything about your behaviour in the future?

He's a lucky man.

Yabu but he is too if he gives tat and barely thought gifts. I suggest you set a price limit and buy each other what you want. If he wants a bling watch get him it. Don't moan that you'd prefer he'd wear classic it'd a gift for him to wear not one to make him look pretty for you.

But your opinion of the hypothetical watch is neither here nor there.
It's what he likes that matters.
It's a gift for him.
Sorry op I'm really struggling to see your side .
We want to make the people we love happy , yes ?

But your opinion of the hypothetical watch is neither here nor there.
It's what he likes that matters.
It's a gift for him.
Sorry op I'm really struggling to see your side .
We want to make the people we love happy , yes ?

I would just rather I chose it, if it's a present and for him to like it

YABU. I think you are being mean spirited and your DH has my full sympathy. As for you not wanting to look at the watch he wants you to buy - so what - don't look at it.

I hope he gives as much thought buying your present as you do for his (i.e. none).

You live with this bloke. He wants a particular thing and has told you so. Instead you want to buy him a number of smaller things over a period of time that he doesn't want - to clutter up your house. Bizarre! Yabu.

I think you're being horrible and feel sorry for dh. Sounds as though you want him to have what you're deciding he should have. And couldn't be bothered. 'Couldn't get to a shop' - so you didn't think about it til the day before?

Well you probably could have chosen it , if you had similar tastes, but clearly you don't .
You want to chose it and him to like it , don't you see how that's a bit controlling ?

Sounds as though present-giving has turned into a grudging, resentful power struggle for you both .

If you don't know what to get him independently, as it were, why not get him something he has actually asked for? It almost seems as though you regard that as a kind of capitulation. It shouldn't be.

I do understand having different taste from your spouse and wishing they would come over to your way of thinking. However, surely you will get on better and have more fun if you both accept the other has their own taste and self-image and just go with it? Buy him the blingy watch and laugh about it. Ask him directly for the classic stuff you love.

I would just rather I chose it, if it's a present and for him to like it

Well yes in an utterly idealised world, we'd all love to be able to do that, but it's not possible in the real world and you have an option, you chose it, and them likely not love it, or them choose it and love it.

If you love someone, the second is the right. If you love yourself more, do the first.

I was thinking that you weren't being unreasonable, and that your husband was being a tad churlish.

But when you said you really don't want to buy the watch because he will choose one you don't like, you lost the argument.

(And why did you have to buy something so last minute?)

Who chose your engagement ring op? And how would you feel if he bought you a ring that was not 'you' but he didnt want to look at the type of ring you liked?

You sound like you dont even like your husband. You sound cold, if I'm honest.

I think he sounds a bit childish and ungrateful for saying he is disappointed with an anniversary present.
You sound a bit odd with your attitude to giving presents too though. It's strange to not get someone something because you don't like it if they really love it.

If you have internet access not being able to get to a shop is not an excuse. BIL is never off his iPhone, ever. Yet he asks MIL every year to buy his wife an anniversary card and present because he soooo very busy working he can't get to the shops. It's pathetic and lazy.

Do you wish you could chose all his clothes, hobbies and friends op because while I can understand wishing your dp wouldnt wear an eyesore (in your opinion) this sounds pretty weird and controlling.

Have you heard of this clever invention called The Internet? It has all kinds of stuff on there - you can even buy stuff if you can't get to an actual shop!

Welcome to MN :) Which is also on the magical Internet thingy.

Great idea. Each person save the money that they would've spent on gifts for the other person and instead use it to buy the present they want.

He gets what he wants and you get what you want. No churlishness or snarky faces.

Me and DH don't do birthday presents or anniversary presents, but we do get each other a little something for Christmas.

I don't know, buying presents for each other just seems pointless and unnecessary. It's hard to explain.

We love getting each other gifts
We both work hard , dh works very hard and we have no children, although I think even if we did we would still live surprising each other.
He is my favourite person in the world and I love to make him happy.

I suspect op's dh might not be her favourite person.

I think the whole gift giving thing among adults is stupid unless it is a game that you both enjoy and play the same way.

There are endless threads on here about givers that feel unappreciated and receivers who hate what they are given. There are threads where whingers moan that they don't get enough spent on them and others who complain about the waste. Women complaining that their men are not mind readers and others bragging to "freinds" on FB that what they were given is a sign of how well-loved they are. FFS!!

Don't do it!!! Give your time to choose a watch with him if that is what he wants and have lunch together or something.

Why should he appreciate a book that he doesn't want?

(I had an ex who loved fishing. He was an expert and quite a specialised competition angler. The number of books he got on "fishing" from family - because they knew he liked "fishing" was just ridiculous. And my brother used to get books on "cars" - because he liked driving!!! He has never willingly read a book in his life!)