Is this weird or am I?

[ExitStageLeft]

It was DS's 4th birthday party today, I invited the children from his pre-school who I know are going to his infants school to say hi and hopefully build some relationships with the parents.

One little girl turned up, her Dad shook my hand and then said "you'll be overrun here, I'll leave her and pick her up later. What time?"

I was quite shocked (she's 4, maybe even 3) and said "will she be ok?" and he almost laughed and said "of course, she'll be fine. Here's my number if you need me" and left me his business card.

It was a hectic party, with around 40 adults and 20 children. My husband was on garden duty and was keeping an eye on here but after about half an hour I saw the little girl by the bouncy castle looking a bit lost. I asked her if she was ok and she shook her head but couldn't reply. I took her inside and went through the usual things, loo, drink, food and then said "shall I phone Daddy?" and she nodded.

Phoned him, he was clearly put out but came back about another half hour later all the time my niece had to babysit her as frankly I was so busy I couldn't. Poor little love she was so scared.

Dad never acknowledged it or apologised, did stay but was very rude. At one point when we were doing the cake the little girl sidled up my my husband and sat on his knee even though she doesn't know him from Adam, and her Dad was right there!

To be clear, I'd never met the parent or child before.

Who actually does that?! Or are we being weird.....?

Perhaps he didn't realise it would be so busy & genuinely thought that she would be OK?

At least he left his number!

Sorry ExitStageLeft, but the more you write, the weirder you seem, I was just using your language, but you are doing weird things.

If you wanted to meet the parents of the other kids going to the infants, a party when you had 40 other guests wasn't the right time - they were more likely to end up getting to meet your Aunt Maud or whoever the other guests were.

You sent an invite inviting X to a 4th birthday, but you actually wanted X and parents to come to a party, and then when asked in the text if it was a drop you failed to answer with what you were inviting them to, in fact you made it clear it was a childs 4th party again and dropping was fine.

Your surprised that an adult doesn't want to go to a party with 60 strangers on a moments notice when expecting a childs party. Have you never met any introverted people?

Your surprise about the upset and the comfort doesn't strike me as surprising, the child sounds basically confident, and quite happy and content meeting strangers - that's good, since you couldn't actually discover what was wrong before you called her father.

I'm also confused by "standing by a bouncy castle, looking a bit lost", sounds quite a common occurance in 4 year olds I meet, they're not scared or anything, just wondering what to do next, looking for cues from other kids etc. She might not have been able to tell you what was wrong, because there was nothing wrong until you told her there was by asking.

My memory of that age is that parents usually stay - when they get to about five, they leave the kids behind. But in a situation such as the OP describes, even if the parent doesn't want to stay for the whole thing, I'd expect them to hang around for 10 minutes to check their child was OK.

mmm half agreed with u at start op but am with Fred now... you sound v v ready to be insulted and annoyed. and u r text response was confusing.

Fred, you clearly have issues around socialising.

But that might be me being "weird."

Thanks all, off to enjoy DS's birthday now.

I don't think Fred is the one with issues ...

In response to initial point YANBU, I think it depends on the child. My 3.5yo DD is quite an introvert and I would never leave her at something like this, given that she didn't know anyone else I would have thought this way a little odd. Maybe the Dad just completely misread the situation.

People are going to have different opinions on here though and it's probably worth trying not to get too upset with them.

sorry OP, but Fred's post is right, and she really has no issues around socialising at all.

This reads more and more like one of those AIBU

OP - AIBU
everyone - well, a bit, can see both sides
OP - You are all weird, I am right, you are all BU.

Your party sounds like a lovely party. But it was not a 4yo birthday party as said on invite therefore there was confusion. That's all, miss- matched expectations. Not the end of the world, lesson learnt for next time.

Oh my goodness, lay off the op. Why is it necessary to give her such a hard time? The party she describes is pretty much the done thing in our area. Admittedly I hate going to these birthday parties where all the parents hang out bored whilst watching their dc being entertained by noisy annoying children's party organisers. Both my dc have gone / are going through this. I usually send dh who either chats to some parents or fiddles with his phone. Even though I don't enjoy these occasions much I know dc's do and that's the man thing. Having the parents thee is reassuring for pre-schoolers and it is nice to meet other parents as many will be around for years to come due to dc going to the same school.

Perhaps he couldn't stay as he had another DC to drop off? I've had this before, turned up to drop off DD at a gymnastics party at 2, then drop off DS at a different party at 3, plan to collect DD at 4, then DS at 5.

Only when I arrived, it turned out parents were supposed to stay at the gym party, so DS is waiting in the car (with other DS who didn't have a party to go to) and I had to enlist the help of a friend to supervise my DD while I dropped off DS, came back for the last hour, then left to collect him. Not ideal, but she was fine.

Had she been upset, not ideal, but someone would have given her a cuddle then I'd have come back and she'd have been fine. Nothing weird about any of it, just life with more than one DC.

I certainly haven't called anyone weird, I didn't even call the Dad weird. I asked if the situation was weird.

I can understand people's points, I will remember to be more clear in future.

It definitely was a four year olds party though, we had a bouncy castle, games, food, a cake....it seems from this thread the mistake I've made was the number of children that I've invited and that their parents were allowed (and wanted) to stay. In my group of friends that really isn't "weird."

I'm sorry if I've become overly defensive, ironically I've started a few AIBU threads where people have said it was refreshing I took on people's points. I just think some posters have been unnecessarily rude and attacking where there wasn't a need but I suppose that's the nature of Internet forums.

Lots of food for thought for next years party, thanks all!