To hate nosey questions?

[Bishopston]

My main pet hates are nosey/interfering people. Although I've definitely made social 'slip-ups' along similar lines in the past - if I feel I've asked someone a question that's a bit on the intrusive side, I IMMEDIATELY regret it, and I must admit, I do it VERY rarely as I hate nosiness so assume other people do too. In the past year or so I've been asked questions by relative strangers about issues ranging from my weight to my sex life!!! I have a general tendency to feel obligated to reply honestly to intrusive questions - must be the 'people pleaser' in me lol. But then I feel angry with myself and the questioner afterwards. Any advice?

Where on earth is this happening to you? I can't think of a time when this has ever happened to me. But surely you can just say sorry I don't feel comfortable answering that?

A smile and 'I don't really discuss that!' works wonders, although I get irritated with them too when I've nothing to hide, it's just none of their business!

I find it harder to be assertive when someone asks you an unwanted question of any kind - I suppose 'cos questions 'demand' some sort of response - than in a lot of other situations.

I always find i end up answering said questions too as i just dont know how to rebuff it? Especially when you try so hard to be vague and obvious you dont want to answer but they keep pushing for details as though your being rude

@Theycallmemellowjello - I'm not surprised you're surprised! The situation where the sexual questions happened to me was sadly a social situation where I realised later that I'd actually been deceived by a supposed friend and totally set up! Long story, but the whole situation left a nasty taste in my mouth!

This happens to me. I'm generally quiet and not very forthcoming with information, I've always been good at keeping a secret, I've never been one for shouting from the rooftops - and I've noticed that unfortunately this tends to make people want to know more about me or want to ask nosey questions, especially in the workplace where people seem to think they should know everything about you.

I try to turn the question back around to them, 'hmm I'm not sure, what about you' type of thing, this gives me a few seconds to plan my polite excuse to get away from the nosey person.

@spillyobeans - yes exactly - I would never 'push' someone like that - especially if the answerer's being vague but clearly doesn't want to offend! You would hardly be in the wrong if you'd used much stronger words!

Good tactic Sylvanians!

All my extended relations are bloody nosey but it is a characteristic trait of my community where everyone wants to know everything about your life. Back in my country of origin it is not regarded as intrusive to ask how much you earn or if you have any fertility issues etc.

I love winding people up do will often give outrageous answers, they do say that a stupid question attracts a stupid answer. So go ahead and have fun.

Haha very true MsAsprey!

This happens to me often n the worst thing is, if I am caught off guard, I actually answer! N then kick myself for days ...

If I think on n am not on the hop I do say "I think that's rather personal, don't u?"

Some people r just plain nosy n need to know for some inexplicable reason that is essential to their wellbeing! Sad.

Hahaha, MsAsprey , like ur style!

Yes, like you Silver - 'off guard' are the key words - I sometimes feel annoyed with myself for months! Personally I see noseyness as a form of immaturity. Anyone agree?

I do get what you mean about being caught off guard. I think it is probably good to work out a 'stock response' so you don't have to think of something on the spot. Just a 'friendly' laugh and an 'I'd Prefer not to say'? But hope you have better luck avoiding the weirdos in the first place!

@Theycallme - thanks, yes - I've definitely learned a few lessons!

I had someone in RL ask me a question I did not and refused to answer. I just looked right through her. Like a bleeding phsyco.
Think she was a bit embarrassed, but that'll teAch her not to pry into sensitive ishooos in future.
Not that wAs going to start cracking quotes from the ECHR but it does state I have the right to a life and. Private life, so therefore sweetie I'm not obliged to answer anything I deem private and none of your darn business, so kindly keep your snout out, Capeche
Oh you're not being unreAsonable

Was not. Not was

@Ilive I've done the 'looking through them' business before though not often enough! It definitely works!

Bishopston & Theycallme infuriating isn't it! Am definitely gonna start with crazy n elaborate lies as per Ms Asprey next time it happens if I actually bloody realise before blurting out my deepest n darkest secrets .

Hmm no, I've never thought of noseyness having a connection with immaturity. Some of the nosey-ist people I know are elderly, and not particularly immature. I've always thought noseyness comes from a lack of excitement or interesting events in that person's life, hence the need to be nosey about other people's lives. Or sometimes it's just plain rude.

Best one ive had was my MIL asking something about a midwife visit - and i honestly had no news from the last time, so said oh nothing much she did her checks and everythings fine etc, but she asked for really indepth details etc and when i was vague (asking about vaginal exams etc!) FiL said i was 'acting like a sulky teenager' because i didnt answer her in full!

Do you think that rudeness and immaturity are somewhat interlinked? I appreciate that people have different ideas of what constitutes maturity, self confidence, rudeness etc.

@spill your fil was definitely BU!

Bishop- honestly didnt know what to say in response! I think sylvanians is right - people who don't have much going on in their lives are normally the nosiest!

I've had great fun over the years with various nosey relations which is why they think I am difficult! My mum's cousin asked me how much deposit I put down on my house so I said none as I bought it outright not true!.

Another idiot asked me if I used contraceptives because I should have had 4 kids instead of 2 by now. I replied that we didn't need to because we slept in separate bedrooms, again not true. The idiot was a bit flustered by my response.

Another twit asked me how much I earned so I said £30k then her dh asked me the same question directly a bit later so I said £45k. I could see her stupid brain whirring at the two figures trying to figure out the correct one without asking me again.