To think she was unreasonable to smoke all over my coat?

[ApignamedJasper]

I was at a friend's bbq at her house with DP yesterday.

I had left my fairly new coat on the back of a chair in the dining room (house is being done up so a bit of a building site and no where else to store the coat).

It started to rain so we came back in the house and when I walked into the room I saw friend's sister sitting on the chair my coat was on, smoking.

Now I know I would bu to tell her where to smoke in her own house but I was really annoyed that of all the chairs in the room, which were all empty, she chose to sit in the chair with my coat on and let her smoke drift all over it making it stink. She knows I don't smoke as we have met on several occasions.

Aibu to be annoyed and think that she should have been a bit more considerate about her smoking when she knows I don't smoke. It really stinks of smoke now and makes me feel sick every time I put it on :(

We had to leave early in the end as almost everyone bar me and DP at the bbq were smoking and when we all came inside the smell was unbearable :/

If people were smoking in the room the coat was in, it would smell of smoke anyway.

I dont think she would of given it a second thought, smokers usually dont. Its not that they are being inconsiderate on purpose, I think they just dont realise how smoke clings and they cant smell it.

it will have stunk anyway being in the same room.

smoking and consideration are not generally compatible. Smokers can't smell their reek (otherwise who would smoke?) and it would just not have occurred to her.

a few days airing in the breeze should sort it.

As someone who has cut down loads recently with a view to giving up, smokers really do not realise how much smoking smells because they have the smell with them all the time if that makes sense. I sincerely doubt she meant to be that inconsiderate.

Your coat will recover though, just air or wash it.

Kinky, there was no one else in the room at the time as everyone else was outside in the garden, if I had known everyone was going to be smoking in the room with it I probably would have asked to store it in a different room - it is a protective bike jacket with armour in it so unfortunately I can't wash it and wear it every day. I'm sure the smell will fade eventually but it's so disgusting at the moment.

Although I do think that she probably didn't even think of it but still annoying! I feel bad thinking it but the whole smoking thing has really put me off going there again in future, I just can't stand being in a room full of smokers where I have to hover by the open door just to be able to breathe.

As a PP said, it doesn't matter what chair she chose. It would smell of smoke anyway.

I wouldn't expect a smoker to consider that it might have an effect on someone's coat. That's if she even spotted it on the chair.

I hate the smell of cigarette smoke once it's seeped into material but I don't think anyone is BU here particularly.

Hang the coat outside. The wind will blow the smoke smell out.

Smokers are usually very inconsiderate i find. It really pisses me off when a smoker lights up with other people near them so everyone else gets poison in their lungs too

Is it unreasonable to expect that people would/should consider the effect they have on other people's stuff though worra?

I know it is a silly little thing really but smoking and everything that goes with it is just one of my pet hates so I probably am a bit sensitive about it.

Exactly counting, the reason I choose not to smoke is because I don't want that poison in my lungs or stink on my stuff and by lighting up inconsiderately next to me to are inflicting your choice on me. To me I suppose it's like being tee total and someone buying you a vodka and coke instead of coke and expecting you to drink it because they are drinking.

I will be doing exactly that Surly, as soon as it stops raining :D which is doesn't look like it will be doing any time soon!

I hate coats on chair backs. irrelevant

Yanbu it was very inconsiderate.

I'm very much a live and let live type of person but when other peoples choices start to impact on me negatively then my tolerance levels tend to dip a bit!

Is it unreasonable to expect that people would/should consider the effect they have on other people's stuff though worra?

No. But having said that, I doubt a smoker would realise the effect smoking would have on your coat (if she actually spotted it).

As PPs have said, most smokers can't smell it in the same way other people can.

Whoever did the cooking at the BBQ probably stinks of smoke too, but a different kind. However, they're probably unlikely to smell it as strongly after standing in the fog, flipping burgers.

smoking is by definition inconsiderate due to the reek. Not a lot to be done, really. Most smokers are also too dim to realise about wind direction and won't move downwind. Or they are determined to have their rights to stink up outside, and will tell you 'well, you drive a car'.

thank goodness for e-cigs -smell like cheap air freshener, look incredibly silly (not that a smoker ever looks anything else) but are nowhere near as penetrating.

Ha, I don't drive a car so they can use that on me not relevant

To me I suppose it's like being tee total and someone buying you a vodka and coke instead of coke and expecting you to drink it because they are drinking.

Really? That's an extreme point of view. A bit like waterboarding but with Smirnoff.

Like others have said, smokers just don't notice the smell.

Did you take your coat away from her chair and say something?

I was in exactly the same position with who was casually flicking ash over my coat which was hanging over the back of a shared sofa because there was nowhere else to put it.

He wasn't doing it deliberately. He was pissed and waving his hand about in the middle of a story and didn't realise. He apologised.

A burn would have bothered me far more than the smell. You can air your coat and you won't die from sniffing it.

Febreeze is your friend here. That and fresh air - can you hang it outside at all? She won't have had any idea there would be a problem btw. (Ex-smoker here.)

Slightly harsh and generalising a bit there special

It would have smelt whichever chair it was on as others have said, and probably anywhere else in the house too if they were all puffing away.

I think smoking in the house is gross but it's her house as you say. I'm not surprised you left as for a non smoker it's really nasty to have to breathe in constantly.

My ILs all smoke like chimneys and it's horrid being there even for me as an ex-smoker but at least with a young DC we're able to ask that they take it outside while we're staying, which they do grudgingly

Smokers are usually very inconsiderate

yay for sweeping generalisations. I have one of my own...people who spout tripe like this mark smokers as inconsiderate simply because they're smokers and fail to acknowledge that smokers and non smokers each have equal ability to be inconsiderate.

I don't think she's being unreasonable smoking in her own home, no. The smell is unpleasant but you went to the home of a smoker...the smell was going to cling to you and your clothing. Just as if you went to the home of someone who owns a lot of animals, never showered, or always fried foods, those smells would cling to you as well.

I have a friend whose home always stinks of cats and lard. When I visit, whether the cats have been in or not and whether they've cooked or not, I leave smelling of cats and lard. I wash and air my clothes after and I have a shower. I don't expect her to change her lifestyle because of my visits, nor do I think she's either unreasonable or inconsiderate for not doing so.

special...most smokers are too dim to understand wind direction? What a disgusting comment. And ironically, a very dim one.

Anyone who doesn't go outside to smoke when they have company is extremely selfish. So if she couldn't even do that then she probably couldn't care less about someone's coat. I agree that smokers are often selfish and inconsiderate.

Yeah limited, I do see it as the same, if not worse. In that analogy you could just choose at least not to drink the vodka and coke but you can't choose not to breathe.

I don't think it's selfish to continue to behave as you normally do in your own home when you've got guests. Especially when nobody has asked you adjust your behaviour for their comfort.

I do however think it's pretty entitled to go to someone else's home and expect them to behave as you want them to. Especially when you expect them to be telepathic and pick up on this expectation without a word.

If a non smoker visits a smoker and doesn't want them to smoke, they should politely ask. If the smoker isn't willing to heed that request, yes it's selfish, but the non smoker isn't under obligation to stay.

Chicken lol at cats and lard... interesting combination. Maybe you should check the oven next time for any partially roasted kitties

I have a friend whose home always stinks of cats and lard

Oh God. I'm scrupulous about clearing up after my cat has done a wee in his his litter tray and also with poo - I do wait for it to cool down though because handling warm shit is one of the worst things in the world.

I do this because I'm worried a random visitor will notice the smell and judge me. Not that I detect that about you 5DayChicken.

My house doesn't smell of lard though. It often smells of frying but I use sunflower oil which is high in polyunsaturates and terribly good for your 'good' cholesterol.

Heart and circulatory diseases through ill-advised diets are far more of a risk than catching a whiff of fag smoke OP. But I expect you know that.

So I'm smelly but a healthy non-smoker with really low cholesterol level because I had it checked last week.

My GP even congratulated me on my diet. She didn't give me a sticker though. Which is a bit sad. She keeps them for children.

I like chips cooked in lard btw. I use it when I feel like living on the edge. But I do it alone and open all the doors and windows.

I've just thought. My poor neighbours are subjected to lard stink and passive heart disease when I'm indulging my shameful addiction.