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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

To wish my family would stop commenting on my weight

44 replies

imnotfat · 31/05/2015 01:06

I'm not even overweight! I have a BMI of about 23, which is within the normal range.

Every time I see my family, they are constantly telling me I am getting fat, and it's driving me nuts because I know I am a healthy weight. I eat pretty healthily, all home cooked food, and monitor what I eat carefully, as I will gain weight if I don't.

I am naturally bigger than my siblings, who have a BMI of about 20-21. My family eat similarly to how I do, its just they happen to be naturally slimmer.

AIBU to tell them to mind their own business as I am a normal healthy weight.

OP posts:
prorsum · 31/05/2015 01:13

YANBU. Why do they keep doing it?

FromMeToYou · 31/05/2015 01:28

That must be boring to listen to. I really sympathise with you there.

grumpysquash · 31/05/2015 01:45

Yes, very annoying. I am approximately the same (vary between BMI 23-24). 4 months after having DS1, still bf and carrying a little bit of baby weight which would have taken me up to a BMI of almost 25, my [close to morbidly obese] MIL gave me a weight watchers cook book for Christmas 'to sort out my weight problem'. I was not impressed.
Please don't listen and please don't be drawn into whatever it is that they think. Life is too short for that kind of judgemental rubbish.

AdoraBell · 31/05/2015 01:54

YANBU and I would tell them what FromMe said.

"it's very boring, especailly as my weight is with in the healthy range "

TheCatsFlaps · 31/05/2015 01:57

One side of my family did this to me for years. Age has not been kind to them: they are all overweight and my BMI is now 18.

HelenaDove · 31/05/2015 02:04

Ive lost ten stone going from a size 28 to a 14. My ex boss actually told me that i CAN excersise off loose skin despite two doctors telling me only surgery would do that (although its not as bad as it could be it would improve my silhouette slightly if i had it done but i dont fancy putting myself through an op and i cant afford it)

Ignore ppl who cant keep their nose out Mners I intend to from now on.

tobysmum77 · 31/05/2015 08:07

of course yanbu, how rude Shock

Pilgit · 31/05/2015 09:49

A BMW of 25 is NOT morbidly obese. It is bordering over weight. You have to be 30 to be obese and 35 (I think) to be considered morbid.

My mother does this to me. I am very overweight and it still pisses me off as is as if that is the only thing I'm valued for.

WoonerismSpit · 31/05/2015 10:24

YANBU. I'm still about 2 stone too heavy after having DD 8 months ago. I can't be arsed to diet, it doesn't bother me.

My DF though, sees fit to tell me EVERYTIME we speak of mutual acquaintances and family members who have sprang back to pre pregnancy weight almost immediately. Well, he did, until I started pointing out his peers that still had a full head of hair whilst he is now decidedly bald (and very upset about it). People are different, eh dad? Grin

Skiptonlass · 31/05/2015 10:28

Pick them up on it every time. You need to take on a puzzled/bored look and say "why are you commenting on my weight? It's right in the middle of the healthy range."

And the next time, " you're still commenting on my weight, don't you think it's odd to do that? Why do you do it? "

Every time.

"You're still commenting on my weight. What's the issue here? Do you have problems with your weight? "

You're going for a slightly puzzled tone that implies that they're weird and creepy.

Bloody rude. Sorry they are doing this to you.

Theycallmemellowjello · 31/05/2015 10:30

Yanbu at all to want them to shut up - how rude. Can you ask them to stop? In a side note, hasn't the idea that anyone is 'naturally thinner' been debunked - if someone is slimmer it's because they eat less or burn more calories. Which is not to say you need to do either of those things obviously.

CamelHump · 31/05/2015 10:31

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

MrsGentlyBenevolent · 31/05/2015 10:40

I feel for you. I had a family member who loved to go through every family member that was skinnier than me. I was also about a 25 bmi at the time, but every woman in my family is/was a size 10 or under. I didn't have the guts (ha) to say anything, but I wish I had just told them to stfu and I was happy with my curves. Not everyone is naturally 'slim', does not make then unhealthy or unhappy. Anyone who feels the need to point out other people's bodies obviously are very unhappy with themselves for some reason.

pointythings · 31/05/2015 10:54

My dad tried this. Once. It was 10 days after I had DD1 and I still had a bit of a jelly belly - but was already back in pre-preg jeans. I gave him The Stare and said 'Dad, I had a baby 10 days ago.'

He never, ever commented about my weight again. Sometimes youjust have to get tough.

editthis · 31/05/2015 11:38

hasn't the idea that anyone is 'naturally thinner' been debunked

Eh? How can this be right when we all have different-sized feet and boobs and are different heights? People's natural sizes are different and we all require different calorie intakes. Metabolism is not something set in stone.

Kundry · 31/05/2015 12:16

While we do have different heights, foot sizes etc the metabolism thing has been extensively debunked. If you put people in a locked sealed room and monitor all their calories in and out (has been done, right down to sieving and analysing their poo) the bigger people just eat more. There are no fast or slow metabolisers.

TigerTrumpet · 31/05/2015 12:27

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

RyanAirVeteran · 31/05/2015 12:33

My mother used to try this, one day I turned around and said "goodness me your boobs have gone South quite quickly."

She recoiled and said you are being very personal, I fixed her with a hard stare and said and you are not ????

Hasn't mentioned it for years.

Result

Grin
Kundry · 31/05/2015 12:51

I heard it on this interview with Prof Susan Jebb - the work of the researchers wasn't much fun!

www.bbc.co.uk/programmes/b05r3tcb

BatteryPoweredHen · 31/05/2015 13:12

Kundry Yes, I listened to that too - was really interesting Smile

btw I started pointing out his peers that still had a full head of hair whilst he is now decidedly bald This is particularly offensive, the man can't do a thing about his hair loss, whereas your weight is entirely your own responsibility.

Original poster
imnotfat · 31/05/2015 13:21

Thanks for everyone who confirmed IANBU, and the family are being rude.

With regard to "naturally thinner" I think weight is a combination of genetics and environment (diet, excretes etc). Most identical twins are of a similar build, as a combination of both genes and upbringing.

I know I eat similar to my siblings, if anything, they seem to eat more as I need to watch my weight but they don't. e.g. my brother commenting last time we met for brunch that I was "only having one bagel", as he would typically eat two.

This was whilst my sister tucked into her two pain au chocolat! So they most likely have a faster metabolism in order to eat more food, yet be slimmer, AFAIK they do a similar amount of exercise to me.

OP posts:
TigerTrumpet · 31/05/2015 14:34

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

stripytees · 31/05/2015 14:38

Your brother will have a much higher TDEE (total daily energy expenditure) as he is a man, and especially so if he is taller than you. He can eat two and not be exceeding his daily calorie needs.

Bishopston · 31/05/2015 14:38

I would do anything for a BMI of 23! You are not BU!

MrsItsNoworNotatAll · 31/05/2015 15:08

Every time they mention your weight yawn loudly and shout RUDE RUDE RUDE!

Because it is bloody rude and none of their business.