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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

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Original poster

To be a bit shocked at this?

37 replies

SisterSage · 30/05/2015 10:11

DP went on his stag do last night. It was fairly quiet as these things go- dinner with a few friends then round various pubs and bars in our town. Only about eight of them, all in ltr or married. DP got in about 12, which was a lot earlier than I was expecting, and was also not nearly as pissed as I was expecting- he was actually quite upset, and said he'd left early as 'they were all trying to pull'.

Now I'm not stupid- I know people can get a bit silly on a (rare) night out. A bit of flirting is one thing but one bloke apparently even took off his wedding ring! I know all these guys, and most of their wives/ gfs, and would have sworn blind they were not the sort of people to do this. DP seems really shocked - he reckons some kind of 'herd mentality' thing went on and they were all trying to one-up each other.

I don't know why I'm posting really- just can't believe this is apparently the norm?! And thinking my judgement (and DP's) must be pretty crap...

OP posts:

Aarrrgggghhhhh · 30/05/2015 10:13

Good on your DP for leaving them. I would be shocked too it's disgraceful.

Idontseeanydragons · 30/05/2015 10:35

Good on him, DH left his stag do early because he found out they were going to do 'something' to him. He never found out what exactly but a stripper and gaffer tape was involved.
I got the blame off his mates though, apparently I wouldn't let him back out. The fact that he had come home via the shop to buy wine, got into his pj's and ordered us pizza was irrelevant... Stag do's (and some hen do's) turn people stupid sometimes.

Original poster

SisterSage · 30/05/2015 10:38

He's just got up so I've heard a bit more. Apparently one bloke (not wedding ring man!) was successful . They're all posting on facebook about what a great night it was, and I think DP is pretty inclined to dump the lot of them. Feel really sad for him they've ruined his stag do as well! Or are we just being lame?

OP posts:

pettywitchinlondon · 30/05/2015 10:38

I'm not surprised, cheating is rife these days. Especially with the internet. Grass is always greener.

MakeItACider · 30/05/2015 10:41

HIS stag do? Jeeze, and they are all his 'friends'. Your poor DH, with a group of friends like that.

TheCatsMother99 · 30/05/2015 10:43

I hear things here and there from my DH about one or two of his friends who are like this and I think it's really sad. My DH says he couldn't be bothered with the hassle of trying to chat someone up or deal with all that again and I actually believe him. He wouldn't leave the situation but I feel confident he wouldn't join in.

Good on your DP for walking away though. Pack mentality or not, they're grown men who should have the balls to say no rather than just join in.

Original poster

SisterSage · 30/05/2015 10:44

Yeah I think I'll be getting the blame for his early exit last night dragons. And yes I have no idea what turns people so bonkers. My sister is organising my hen do - I have had to spell it out to her on three separate occasions that it would not be 'hilarious' for us to go to a strip club that DP refused to go to last night , and the problem is not men seeing other women's boobs, it's putting money into an exploitative industry. She's gay and normally very feminist, but hen-organisation seems to have gone to her head.

OP posts:

Eigg · 30/05/2015 10:47

Just re-read - it was your DP's stag do?

Aside from being disgusting behaviour generally, that's really disrespectful to your DP.

What kind of friends ruin a blokes stag do -to the point of letting him leave rather than behave themselves?

I'd be inclined to dump them and tell their wives why.

Clearly your DP is a keeper though. So extra and for him today.

TheCatsMother99 · 30/05/2015 10:48

Love the extra tea and cake comment. Made me smile!

bumbleymummy · 30/05/2015 10:51

That's awful and good on your DP for leaving. I think it's quite common. DH has left a stag do early for similar reasons as well.

Finola1step · 30/05/2015 10:51

Sounds like you've bagged yourself a good one there OP.

Purplepixiedust · 30/05/2015 10:51

Well done to your DP :) Looks like you picked a good un.

Eigg · 30/05/2015 10:53

Cats

It's a combination of positive reinforcement and doing something nice for your DH/DP when Mumsnet reminds you how great he is.

My lovely DH quite often gets random or after I've read MN threads about dreadful partners.

TheCatsMother99 · 30/05/2015 10:59

I'm quite new here so I've not heard it before but it's really sweet and has made me want to go and treat my DH to a cuppa just for being him... I'm not usually soppy, honest.

MamaLazarou · 30/05/2015 11:02

What an awful story, OP, and YANBU. Your DP sounds lovely.

MammaTJ · 30/05/2015 11:03

You should definitely go through with the wedding. He sounds like a keeper!

I would be letting their wives/girlfriends know what happened too. Are any of them coming to your hen do?

DejaVuAllOverAgain · 30/05/2015 11:10

YANBU Agree with pp's, your DP is definitely worth keeping

Goodbetterbest · 30/05/2015 11:11

It's so nice to hear of a lovely DP on here. I normally only read about the awful ones (my X included).

Good on him OP. Have a fantastic wedding.

Fatmomma99 · 30/05/2015 11:14

Aw. You lucky lady!

Have a fabulous wedding.

nightshade · 30/05/2015 11:17

My hubbies never goes on these things for precisely those reasons....Unfortunately people like to accuse him of being under the thumb. ...He just doesn't enjoy them however. .m

jollyjester · 30/05/2015 11:18

This is why DH has no friends left. He used to hang around with men who had a similar mentality but no longer can be bothered as he hates their behaviour.

Your DH sounds great good luck with the wedding!

Trills · 30/05/2015 11:19

Your poor DP, to find out that his friends are like this.

ouryve · 30/05/2015 11:20

Definitely not lame. That's pretty vile behaviour. Good for your dp for bailing out.

chocolatelife · 30/05/2015 11:21

op it is Their life.
I hope he can look back at Stag Do and laugh.
Good luck with your Hen
and enjoy your wedding.

ToriaPumpkin · 30/05/2015 13:44

Your DP sounds great, his friends not so much. I agree extra cake for him today! I recently found out that two of DH's colleagues (one married, one recently divorced) have slept with the same female colleagues on work nights out. She's married as well and he can't bear to talk to one of them even though they used to be good friends. Other members of staff think it's hilarious to mention it and drop hints about it in day to day conversation. I just do not get that mentality. Why bother to get married if it means that little to you?

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