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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

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Original poster

Dp and I arguining yet again over nonsense. Aibu

35 replies

CassieOrtho · 30/05/2015 00:22

So we've both had a few to drink.
dp starts going on about glastonbury festival (which we have tickets to) and I point out that as the line up is shit this year, a lot of people I have spoken to are glad they never got tickets. He becomes confrontational and asks "who" these people are. I say "just people from work". He starts ranting saying "what the fuck do they know?? They know fuck all about glastonbury, they all speak a load of bollovks!" What could they possibly know!". He always gets like this about glastonbury and to be fair, it's ducking draining, immature and embarrassing. I go on to tell him that the 'people' have been before and are as 'educated' on the subject as he is. He rants that no they are not, nobody knows glastonbury like he does and everyone else speaks a load of bollocks. I bite and say he speaks a load of bollocks. Nail one into tonight's coffin. Later a takeaway arrives and he declares he will have nothing to do with dishing it up. So I dish it up but forget(??) to put forks on everyone's plate. The kids don't mention it. He however moans and complains with comments such as "before I met you, I'd always have a girl for my tea"????!!! I snapped "fuck off back to your ex then, she's very welcome to you". The argument continued.
We go to bed and all the time I'm trying to ease it between us, saying let's not argue etc. he is having none of it and insists on carrying it on as usual. When we get in bed I put my arm around him saying "let's not argue, give me a hug" and he refuses and laughs at me. I've now told him to sleep downstairs but I'm gutted. It's been a hard week and I was looking forward to spending tonight with him. He hates me and I don't even know why, I'm getting sick of trying to guess it

OP posts:

Original poster

CassieOrtho · 30/05/2015 00:24

"Before I met you I'd always have s fork" stupid phone

OP posts:

WanderingAboutRandomly · 30/05/2015 00:26

Stopping drinking would probably be the best advice. Drinks turns a lot of people argumentative.

He doesn't sound very nice.

ThreeFrazzledFandangos · 30/05/2015 00:28

Were you having arguments about fucking off back to his ex in front of the kids?

If so that needs to stop.

The whole evening sounds like you both behaved like spoiled children.

Slutbucket · 30/05/2015 00:29

He sounds delightful. Does he do anything to make your life better?

SeenSheen · 30/05/2015 00:29

I reckon nail one was the one to avoid. Nothing to be gained by you and so probably better to zone him out whilst nodding agreement.

He probably feels that you were siding with your work colleagues against him and perhaps even blaming him for the fact you have tickets.

Irrational I know but this happens in my house too.

TheNameIWantedIsTaken · 30/05/2015 00:29

I think you both need to cut down on the drink a bit and maybe have a chat in the cold light of day about how you're going to speak to each other - particularly around the kids? Drink can escalate otherwise mild debate so maybe there's more behind your frustrations

WorraLiberty · 30/05/2015 00:30

Alcohol obviously doesn't suit either of you.

And since when do you tell another adult where to sleep?

I'm sure things will seem different to you both in the morning and when you read this thread back, you'll see it for what it was....a stupid drunken argument.

Fatmomma99 · 30/05/2015 00:30

I'm horrified if this happened in front of children.

CloserToFiftyThanTwenty · 30/05/2015 00:31

I was wondering about "having a girl for tea"

Sounds like you need to have a serious conversation about what's going on but when you are both sober

Original poster

CassieOrtho · 30/05/2015 00:31

No the kids were upstairs. I'm just sick of the constant Critisism, I'm not tidy enough, I'm not thoughtful enough, I'm not patient enough ... Then he refers back to his perfect ex life where little miss did not work so spent 24/7 being the perfect housewife and I have no desire to aspire to that. I'm sick of it.

OP posts:

SiobhanSharpe · 30/05/2015 00:32

Sounds all too familar, OP. Perhaps just leave it now until the morning? Arguments when you've had a few been there many a time-- and they're fairly pointless. Let him stew and hope you can sort it out tomorrow.

HellKitty · 30/05/2015 00:33

I'd LTB just for him wanting to go to Glastonbury to see Kanye

Serious though, sober talking, cut down on drink and promise each other no more swearing or arguing in front of the DCs.

WorraLiberty · 30/05/2015 00:33

Later a takeaway arrives and he declares he will have nothing to do with dishing it up. So I dish it up but forget(??) to put forks on everyone's plate. The kids don't mention it. He however moans and complains with comments such as "before I met you, I'd always have a girl for my tea"????!!! I snapped "fuck off back to your ex then, she's very welcome to you". The argument continued.

The kids ate their dinner upstairs and didn't mention that they had no forks?

Original poster

CassieOrtho · 30/05/2015 00:33

He instigated the 'bed move' by saying if I kept on trying to hug him he'd go and sleep downstairs. This is what I'm up against.

OP posts:

thornrose · 30/05/2015 00:33

The kids don't mention it. He however moans and complains with comments such as "before I met you, I'd always have a girl for my tea"????!!! I snapped "fuck off back to your ex then, she's very welcome to you". The argument continued.

How old are "the kids"? Sounds awful for them to hear!

Lweji · 30/05/2015 00:34

Poor kids.

Original poster

CassieOrtho · 30/05/2015 00:34

The point is hell kitty that the kids were able to sort out their own. He just wanted an argument

OP posts:

emotionsecho · 30/05/2015 00:35

Is he incapable of getting himself a fork? Are you some kind of skivvy?

Agree that drinking could be a problem if it results in you sniping at one another and getting into arguments over such ridiculous things as a music festival which he sounds over invested in and obsessed with.

Do you really want to be with him and in this relationship?

HellKitty · 30/05/2015 00:36

Do you normally argue or is it alcohol induced?

ClawofBumhead · 30/05/2015 00:36

If you are interested, the moment you pissed him off was probably when you started telling him how shit his enthusiastically held interest was according to 'people', because who wants to hear how much their spouse trusts the opinion of 'people' better than them on what stuff is interesting.

If there had been no drink involved, it seems unlikely any argument would ever have occurred. Perhaps less booze would be an idea.

ArgyMargy · 30/05/2015 00:38

Seems like you started it by saying Glastonbury is going to be shit when you know he loves it. Just what outcome did you expect? YABU and a bit childish. Was the takeaway good?

Lweji · 30/05/2015 00:38

Also, he is perfectly entitled to not want hugs and it is actually abusive to keep going for it.

In everything else, he's an arse.

"nothing to do with dishing it up"? Food he is going to eat?

emotionsecho · 30/05/2015 00:38

If the ex was so perfect why is she his ex?

ArgyMargy · 30/05/2015 00:39

X-post with Claw!

SeenSheen · 30/05/2015 00:40

It's obviously a much bigger issue than just tonight.

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