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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

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Original poster

Would you go through severe morning sickness for a third child? If..

74 replies

GlitteringJasper · 28/05/2015 21:45

I know I'm v likely to have it as it's got progressively eworse during the last two pregnancies.

I honestly thought I was going to die during my last pregnqncy, I couldn't stand up, felt faint and nauseous all the time, work up in the night time to be sick etc etc

I have one boy and one girl so some people would be a bit as to why I'm putting myself through pregnancy again!

I'm 36 so I need to decide quickly! I keep dithering about this question! MN is the only place I can talk about it as there's no one in RL I can talk to without seeming silly.

OP posts:

TelephoneIgnoringMachine · 28/05/2015 23:37

NO. I didn't have HG as I wasn't vomiting much, but I felt dreadfully sick 24/7 for about 10 weeks. I don't know how people cope who have to deal with continual vomiting as well. And kids to looks after. I am in awe of anyone who considers this.

GooodMythicalMorning · 28/05/2015 23:42

If I didnt have family support to look after dc1 I don't know what we would have done Telephone.

littlejohnnydory · 28/05/2015 23:46

Very tricky one, only you know how much you want a third child. I was so desperate for a third that I think I would have but I've been fortunate enough not to have that horrific sickness.

We have four now. The last pregnancy, I felt as though I was out of action for a year or more and not parenting at my best. I was too tired and had SPD, and I now feel well and truly "done" with being pregnant. It just wouldn't be fair on the children we have to decide to be "out of action" for another year although if I could have one more without the pregnancy and birth, I'd happily have another baby (not sure dh would though!).

Not a terribly helpful answer here but can understand that desperation for a third even though you already have one of each.

TracyBarlow · 28/05/2015 23:51

I have just had DC3 and have had HG in all my pregnancies. All my kids are under school age. I also have no help bar the eldest having his free 15 hours at pre-school. Oh, and I work part-time.

I won't lie. It was awful. The kids watched a lot of CBeebies and had free reign on the IPad apps. I am obviously a lot more relaxed about screen time than many MNers

However, DC3 is 4 months old and I've genuinely forgotten the whole pregnancy. It's such a short amount of time and I don't think a few months of telly and quiet reading books etc has done mine too much harm. In the long run they'll benefit massively from having another sibling around (IMO, obviously).

I'm 36 too and I think we might have one more before we call it quits. It's horrific, but it's only a few months and once it's done you have another lovely baby to cuddle.

flossyfloo · 28/05/2015 23:59

I wouldn't. And I say that as someone who has 3 DC after suffering debilitating sickness in the first 2 pregnancies. Having said that DC3 was not planned. When I fell pregnant with DC3, the other 2 were 8 months and 2.6yrs.

The sickness got worse with each pregnancy so by the time I was on number 3, I was signed off work for almost all of my pregnancy, my DH had to try and hold the fort as well as working full time, we have no family around to help us at all so the pressure was all on DH. DC1 has come out of it relatively unscathed but I feel DC2 has suffered due to me not being able to be the mother I was meant to be for him during that time. Although I love DC3 with all my heart and don't regret even an ounce of sickness and pain for him, the guilt I feel over DC2 will stay with me forever.

Sorry if that's not what you want to hear but honestly, I would advise against it.

anothermakesthree · 29/05/2015 00:08

As Bluebananas said.

I did but waited until DC's were in school. I would literally drop them off and stagger home to the toilet. It meant I could at least get through the days. Agreed DH would do shorter hours to cover tea/bed until around 25 weeks when it got slightly better. I really would not have been able to cope if they had been at home. Grandparents were relied upon a lot during school holidays. I shiver now just thinking of that horrible, all consuming nausea.

HoneyDragon · 29/05/2015 00:25

I have a boy and a girl had hyperemisis with both and am 36. I adore children, there is no way I'd put my family through it again, or risk my health again.

Jengnr · 29/05/2015 05:36

Currently 28 weeks with no2. I had no sickness the first time and have had terrible sickness this time. I won't be doing it again.

Cherryblossomsinspring · 29/05/2015 07:34

I'm in the middle of it now for #3. I work from home which is a godsend so I slightly increased my nanny's hrs and just hired a cleaner. I'm getting by partly as the sickness isn't quite as horrific as previously and partly by seeing each singles day as the last time I will do 12+3 days etc. I do the count down every day. I think you know you will lose a chunk of life you will never get back with the sickness but you get a child for the rest if your life who will bring so much to everyone.

BeautifulLiar · 29/05/2015 07:40

I did, also had a boy and girl but wanted a third. I didn't leave the house for 7 weeks at one point...

Look at it this way: your current kids are either too young to remember, or old enough to help; )

morelikeguidelines · 29/05/2015 08:01

I couldn't. I had bad morning sickness, not Ng but severe nausea for many weeks, with my two. That and the sleeplessness of early weeks (they were both tongue tied but neither time was it picked up early) are the things that put me off going again.

I have one of each too, but it's not a deciding factor as in fact I feel bad for dd not having a sister alot of the time. (not that I was disappointed ds was a boy - I'm glad he was and that he is who he is - but I feel a bit bad about not having a third for this reason)

gofuckyourself · 29/05/2015 08:05

No definitely not. It's quite selfish to even consider it too. You have already got one of each so why not concentrate on the 2 you already have. How anyone can regret sacrificing things for the sake of your family I'll never know.

Meerka · 29/05/2015 08:17

I suppose that likely you'd regret it intensely during the preg, but be very glad of the baby afterwards... assuming you're not so ill that you and the baby both come through (not always the case with HG).

That's from your pov. Just to say it again, the effect of your possible sickness on your older children would need to be carefully handled, both seeing you so ill and the practical arrangements for taking care of them when you're out of action. Planning for the worst.

I don't think you're selfish at all to want another and be considering it, but it does need very careful weighing up.

slightlyconfused85 · 29/05/2015 08:23

No way. I'm coming towards the end of my 2nd pregnancy and have had crippling morning sickness with both. I'd like a really big family but I can't do this to myself or my family again- I be happy with 2 regardless of gender of the second one. People keep telling me that I'm only 29 so I'll change my mind and have more but I think this very unlikely

Carrie5608 · 29/05/2015 08:43

I did but I had great support from Dm and Mil and it was still hard.

Prednisolone is used by some consultants and works really well without making you dopey.

Make an appt with GP and see if you can get a referral to discuss it in advance.

Good luck

ToastyFingers · 29/05/2015 08:46

I'm doing it now for my second and really struggling.
I'd love a big family, but I'm not doing it again after this.

Meerka · 29/05/2015 09:01

It -is- a good idea to see the doctor and discuss the possible meds. It's very well worth looking up NICE guidelines (the government's best-practise body for medical matters, doctors are supposed to go by it).

cks.nice.org.uk/nauseavomiting-in-pregnancy#!prescribinginfosub

There's a lot of good medst which are considered safe in preg eg cyclizine, prochlorperazine, promethazine, metoclopramide, and if you're lucky ondansetron.

Prednisolone can work well but it's generally a last measure as there is some evidence that it can cause birth defects sometimes, I believe. It becomes a choice of which is the least long term risk: dehydration and starvation and the effects of that on the baby/risk of death to mother and child, or steroids and the chance of birth defects. Ondansetron is much preferred and very effective.

Orangeisthenewbanana · 29/05/2015 09:08

I personally wouldn't. Am just coming out of the first trimester with my DC2 and have felt like crap even without hg! I felt like a burden on DH and that I wasn't being a proper mummy to DD. We planned to stop at 2 anyway though, and this has just given me another reason to stick to that!

However, if you and your DH are desperate for a 3rd DC, I guess a few months of feeling awful is worth it in the end. You just both need to be prepared to cope with it I suppose!

Psippsina · 29/05/2015 09:16

OP I was in almost exactly your position a few years ago - not ready to put away the baby things, didn't feel I had finished having babies - but two awful pregnancies of which the memory was fading and I went for it.

It was really, really bad. I was that much older and extremely, knocked-out tired which I hadn't been with the other two, plus the extreme constant nausea made me want to not be here. All over again, but with two lovely boys who had to basically look after themselves for the first three or four months.

I stole that part of their lives from them, they were making their own sandwiches for supper and I couldn't get out of bed. The house was awful, etc etc. Months to recover to a state of 'normal' again.

Horrific. I can still see the signs of what happened in them now, and ds3 is 2 and a quarter. Also he is very hard work and sometimes I wonder why I did it - it was a huge, huge sacrifice, and not just in terms of the immediate effects on me. It was a sacrifice I forced them to make as well.
They both love him to pieces which is nice but honestly? I think if you have sworn you could never, ever go through it again, then bear that in mind as it was real, and it will be appalling all over again.

And then I had really bad SPD and all that sort of thing...I still feel wrecked now. It is a lot for your body to cope with, especially I think doing it twice in quick succession.

Sorry - I do understand, completely.

Is there someone else you would be happy to pass the baby stuff on to? I remember I was waiting for my sister's IVF to work out but it didn't, and she decided to stop, and that's when I thought I had to do it instead - very odd but there you go. Emotions are complex things. I was also 37/38 at the time and felt I had to decide NOW.

Psippsina · 29/05/2015 09:19

BTW I was on metoclopramide until 15 weeks which must have helped but I didn't feel OK on it at all. I'd tried all the rest apart from ondansetron which I wasn't offered.

Stanky · 29/05/2015 09:28

I was thinking about this before, but I think that we have decided to stop at 2. I was very ill during both pregnancies, and was constantly in and out of hospital. My dc are very demanding, and ds2 has sn. I also got PND. There's only so much I can cope with. Luckily for me, I have babies in the family around me. It's a great feeling to cuddle them, and give them back. :)

Carrie5608 · 29/05/2015 09:40

Drug info here

spicyfajitas · 29/05/2015 10:48

It may be a good idea to speak to your doctor and a hypermesis charity about what help is available. I know people who've had hellos pregnancies, then been so much better in subsequent ones due to the right medication.

I was hideously sick with my first and hideously sick as well as dizzy with my second, but sailed through my third with slight nausea here and there. So it might not necessarily be worse a third time around for you.

Ketchuphidestheburntbits · 29/05/2015 11:05

Op, how much help can you afford? Do you have any supportive family close by? How much does your DH share parenting, housework and cooking?

Personally, unless I had loads of help available, I wouldn't even consider it with a toddler and a baby.

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