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AIBU?

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Original poster

To be fobbed off with a dairylea triangle

76 replies

Fletcherl · 28/05/2015 19:52

We have been on holiday this week. DH is chatting to the B and B owner who knows us as we are regulars. The owner asks DH how he is replies that he is doing much better as he has come into some money from an inheritance. This is news to me.
Later on I ask DH about it. He tells me a relative died and left him £70000. He also tells me he has partitially cleared a debt with it. I knew he had a debt but no idea of the magnitude. I just felt stunned.
I went out today and then DH texts that a close friend and neighbour has died. I am driving home to be with our friends. I have just arrived home and rung to say I am home safely. DH says he is sorry I am having a difficult time getting to grips with his financial news and the bereavement and to cheer me up he has brought me some diarylea triangle!
I love my husband but I am beyond words.

OP posts:
Unexpected · 28/05/2015 21:15

Sorry but this all sounds very bizarre. He has taken himself off for a soak in the bath but has offered to take you out for tea when he comes home? Where the hell is he having the bath currently - in someone else's house?!

Nochildhandbook · 28/05/2015 21:15

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

FlabulousChix · 28/05/2015 21:16

Sorry I'm trying to shock tactic the Op as she clearly doesn't think her husband has done anything wrong .

moanybollocks · 28/05/2015 21:17

Maybe £70k isn't that much to them.

Maybe op really doesn't care.

Meh

RedRugNoniMouldiesEtc · 28/05/2015 21:20

If you are married and contributing to the household (either financially or by raising dc) then even pre marital assets are part yours. Regardless of that losing the house would impact you and any children so you have a vested interest in his financial conduct. Honestly I think you sound under informed about how this situation could impact on you. This situation aside I would recommend you get some legal advice before you go further.

PenguinBollards · 28/05/2015 21:31

I'd hazard a guess that the debt and the inheritance are just the tip of what you don't know about, OP.

OhEmGeee · 28/05/2015 21:33

Does he fob you off with food every time something happens? As this is massive.

editthis · 28/05/2015 21:35

I know it's not straight out of the Ideal Parent handbook, but when there is an urgent requirement for my toddler to behave in a quiet and orderly fashion (generally during wedding vows or in the presence of MIL), I have been known to hurl Dairylea triangles, flakes and the promise of a cream tea in her general direction.

It's not in the Ideal Husband handbook, either.

silverglitterpisser · 28/05/2015 21:38

This is so strange, I am really not sure what to think except that if my DH came in to a substantial sum of money I know I'd be the first person he'd tell n not some randomer.

Hope u get to the bottom of it all, OP.

WhereYouLeftIt · 28/05/2015 21:39

"He is involved in a few different businesses and often borrows from one to fund another. He will take financial chances. I have learned to keep the food and utilities money away from him. Fortunately the businesses are limited."
Whoah. Financing one business from a different business is probably illegal. That's a little more than taking a financial chance. And as for "I have learned to keep the food and utilities money away from him" - again, whoah. that can only mean that his lack of financial integrity is not news to you, although the scale of it may be.

"I feel as if I can't really matter that much."
I can understand you feeling that way Sad. I think I would too.

OP, how long have you been together/married? Do you have children together?

BolshierAyraStark · 28/05/2015 21:46

From your subsequent posts I definitely think you have huge problems-the fact you appear so calm speaks volumes.
Also agree that the revelation of his borrowing from various businesses he is involved in is very worrying, if I was in your position I'd be making sure I had a back up plan for if when it all goes tits up...

Singsongsung · 28/05/2015 21:48

I'm sorry to say this as harshly but really you don't have much of a marriage if this isn't something you've shared. Financial concerns and issues are often part of real life and a huge inheritance for most people would be a v big deal. My dh would, I have no doubt, be on the phone to me within seconds of finding out!

YsabellStoHelit · 28/05/2015 21:54

You need to find out the full extent of this asap.

Your Dh needs to tell you:
How much debt there is.
Whose name it is in.
How much is secured against the house.

You then need to decide if you can live with someone who hides so much inportant stuff. If he can't pay things but hides everything the reality is that you could quickly end up bankrupt and homeless with no idea why.

FlabbyFlabbyBits · 28/05/2015 22:28

I know this isn't funny, but I am laughing. Apologies. You sound as laid back and unbothered as each other to be honest.
I am a little confused about him being in the bath, so you can't talk just yet. And then he's just said he'll take you out for tea when he gets home...
Does he have a bath somewhere else? I assume you must be in a different country? Or even another planet?

Jackie0 · 28/05/2015 22:39

I know people who have gone from millionaires to broke and back again, lots of people have a risk taking approach to business and money. The companies are limited so even if it goes bust their house / mortgage and personal assets aren't at risk
I read the op as more light hearted than other posters obviously did.

Original poster
Fletcherl · 28/05/2015 22:45

DH is in the bath on holiday. I have driven home because of a bereavement, we will talk when he comes back from holiday.
I am more stunned than anything. We are by no means well off but own a little food related local business. I am alone in the house with a tangle of emotions. A friend has died, my much loved husband has been stupid beyond measure. I am exausted but wound tight.

OP posts:
Henbur1702 · 28/05/2015 22:46

Ffs what's with all the food offerings what is he a feeder!!!

Just gets worrier and weirder - perhaps he's having a soak in the bath whilst eating a flake himself!

CookieLady · 28/05/2015 23:02

I'm sorry for your loss. Your husband's revelation is poorly timed to say the least. Try and get some sleep. No good will come of staying up late and reading of the idiotic comments on here - revisit the thread tomorrow.

CookieLady · 28/05/2015 23:03

*some of the idiotic

KingCrimson · 28/05/2015 23:04

He let you go home on your own? Why didn't he come with you?

Singsongsung · 29/05/2015 08:58

So he doesn't talk to you about a big issue like winning 70,000 then he doesn't support you when your friend dies- preferring to enjoy his holiday.
Sounds like a great guy.

Shinyshoes2 · 29/05/2015 09:20

Wow ! You've got yourself a real catch there .. A selfish one at that .
you knowing about this is of no significance or importance to him otherwise he would have told you about it
This isn't a partnership and by offering you food as a peace offering is frankly quite disgusting and insulting
I'd be packing his bags to be honest ... But we know you are unlikely to do that ..
You seem a bit weak to be honest and lacking backbone .

happygirl87 · 29/05/2015 09:29

Sorry to derail, but "fiancing one business from another is probably illegal" is a very sweeping statement- there are lots of ways to do this legitimately! (I work in finance)

Hope you're ok OP Flowers

YsabellStoHelit · 29/05/2015 10:39

Some serious alarm bells here. My DH wouldn't dream of letting me drive home from holiday after a bereavement and staying there himself!

You really need a long think about your future and a lot of answers. I hope you get them.

Do you have kids? If so are they with you or him?

Fatmomma99 · 29/05/2015 16:11

Flowers for your bereavement, Fletcher

And (on a less serious note) to me the worst thing is that diarylea is described as "cheese". At best it's cheese spread. And that's being kind! He could at least have got you some rustic brie. Esp as you own a food-related business.