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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

To be fobbed off with a dairylea triangle

76 replies

Fletcherl · 28/05/2015 19:52

We have been on holiday this week. DH is chatting to the B and B owner who knows us as we are regulars. The owner asks DH how he is replies that he is doing much better as he has come into some money from an inheritance. This is news to me.
Later on I ask DH about it. He tells me a relative died and left him £70000. He also tells me he has partitially cleared a debt with it. I knew he had a debt but no idea of the magnitude. I just felt stunned.
I went out today and then DH texts that a close friend and neighbour has died. I am driving home to be with our friends. I have just arrived home and rung to say I am home safely. DH says he is sorry I am having a difficult time getting to grips with his financial news and the bereavement and to cheer me up he has brought me some diarylea triangle!
I love my husband but I am beyond words.

OP posts:
FlabulousChix · 28/05/2015 20:31

What else does he hide? That's the worrying thing.

ahbollocks · 28/05/2015 20:34

You know you a responsible for hia debts too right? I would want to know everything right fucking now

TidyDancer · 28/05/2015 20:36

Honestly, I would never be able to trust him again if it was me. That is a betrayal, whichever way you look at it.

WorldsBiggestGrotbag · 28/05/2015 20:37

He told the B&B owner but not you. That's shocking.

Original poster
Fletcherl · 28/05/2015 20:39

Discussions are underway. Apparently there is a large load taken out against the house too. We have money in our joint cheque which my pay goes to but he has another account which has a large over draft and there are all credit card debts. He is just having a think if there is anything else but there will be delay while he has a soak in the bath.

OP posts:
Rafflesway · 28/05/2015 20:40

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

RoosterCogburn · 28/05/2015 20:42

I think you need to have serious discussions - he has taken a loan out against your house without telling you, your home could be at risk and you had no idea.

As for a soak in the bath, sorry - I think he needs a kick up the arse

TheoriginalLEM · 28/05/2015 20:43

tell him to lube the flake with the dairy lea and shove it up his arse.

Then get a divorce lawyer

NinkyNonkers · 28/05/2015 20:45

Fuck me OP, he is having a soak after that bombshell? I'm astonished!

AwfulBeryl · 28/05/2015 20:48

Bloody hell, I am not one to say ltb, but I would seriously consider it after this. Although I would be tempted to get him to sort the finances out first, then dump the fucker.
How on earth did he get that much in debt ?

My immediate thought was what else is he hiding too.

FlabulousChix · 28/05/2015 20:48

You are a mug and a walk over no chance I'd he was my partner he would have the opportunity to soak. Are you aware of all his debts? Any charges on the house? How can a husband get 70k and hide it this is months old. Takes ages to get a pay out. In a relationship long term and live in should be total financial transparency.

GloriousGoosebumps · 28/05/2015 20:53

How was he able to take a loan out against your home without your signature?

Original poster
Fletcherl · 28/05/2015 20:54

To be honest I am glad he has disappeared for a while. He is really sorry but being upset causes lots sweary shouting from him. Think inspector Clouseau.
He needs a calmer head before he talks to me.
He has offered to take me for afternoon tea or coffee and pastries when he gets home so we can talk properly.

OP posts:
Sconejamcream · 28/05/2015 20:54

Is the house in your name too???

FlabulousChix · 28/05/2015 20:57

He needs to think to make up a barrage of lies. You're scared of him. You're being taken for a mug. I'd suggest getting a copy of your credit file in case he has debts in your name. I'd divorce him for this to be honest as it's far too big a lie to live with. You clearly have issues if you allow someone to walk all over you like this. Tea and lunch really? The guy is a lying piece of shit and only cares about himself

moanybollocks · 28/05/2015 20:58

I bet he's been busting to tell you but terrified so has just blurted it all out, randomly.

Sconejamcream · 28/05/2015 20:58

Stop being a mug and grow a backbone

CrystalCove · 28/05/2015 21:00

Does any of this seem normal to you OP because you seem to be rather calm! Why do you need to go out for something to eat and drink to "talk properly"?

Original poster
Fletcherl · 28/05/2015 21:01

No he had the house before we married. I knew he had an option on the morgage to do this.
I really don't think this is a deliberate hiding.
He is involved in a few different businesses and often borrows from one to fund another. He will take financial chances. I have learned to keep the food and utilities money away from him. Fortunately the businesses are limited.
I am not a worrier.
This is not about the money. The money is his to do what he wants it is about respect and trust.

OP posts:
WorldsBiggestGrotbag · 28/05/2015 21:01

Coffee and pastries?! Why does he think he can buy his way out of this with food?!

LuluJakey1 · 28/05/2015 21:02

How can he take out a loan against your house? Is the house just in his name? He is putting your security as a family at risk. You need to sort this out now. No more crap.

WorldsBiggestGrotbag · 28/05/2015 21:02

Not a deliberate hiding? So it just slipped his mind?

Sconejamcream · 28/05/2015 21:03

You are married, it should be a partnership of trust and respect and understanding ..... Not for you though!

FlabulousChix · 28/05/2015 21:05

Pmsl not deliberate are you well? He gets 70k inheritance and fails to tell you? Needs time to think about things before talking. I'm sorry but you are deluded. It deliberate this has been going on for at least six months and in all that time he just forgot to tell you. Do you get left 70k that often then it's just another occurrence you fail to mention?

Unexpected · 28/05/2015 21:13

Are you in the UK? Where is he taking you for afternoon tea at 9 p.m. at night?

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