To be annoyed with DSD's DM about DSD's rotting teeth.

[Getsomenuts]

DSD (4) was dropped off by her DM yesterday after a trip to the dentist. When asked how the appointment had gone DSD's DM said the the dentist wanted to give DSD three fillings (she hasn't lost any of her baby teeth yet).

DP and I have noticed for a while that DSD's teeth (top, front ones) have been going "brown" at the top for a while and we offered to take DSD to the dentist. The dentist said that it was "enamel erosion" probably due to lack of brushing. We were a bit stumped as she is here Friday night through to Sunday night and then Wednesday night and we have always made sure that she has her teeth brushed religiously morning and night and sweet treats were always very occasional, although it was difficult at times as she often resisted having her teeth brushed. DP asked ex about DSD's teeth brushing habits and she said "oh she doesn't like it so I don't brush them a great deal." We bought her an electric toothbrush (at exes request - we suggested she bought one for DSD herself but she refused) that she could use at home and bought one for DSD's use here too.

Last Wednesday night DSD was in tears saying that her teeth were hurting.
After dropping DSD off at school I phoned her DM, told her about DSD's teeth and asked if she would like me to arrange an appointment or if she would do it herself. She said that she was due a dentist check up herself so she would book an appointent for both of them which turned out to be yesterday.

Anyway, DSD's DM came to our door and said "oh she just needs three fillings so she'll have to go backs me get them done, but it doesn't matter because her adult teeth will be coming through soon." (Now the reason I'm so angry) Cue DSD walking round the corner, chocolate bar and family sized cake (still in its wrapper) in hand and a bottle of fanta in the other!! I tried to hide my anger best I could but what the actual fuck is this mentality!??

I'm 25 years old and have never had a filling in my life and poor DSD is crying in agony because the poor child has rotten teeth at 4 years old.

A while ago we had specifically asked that (if DP's ex was dropping DSD off at ours before tea time) she knocked the packet of crisps and chocolate + fizzy drink in the car on the 4 mile journey to our house on the head because she wasn't eating her evening meal when she got to ours. AIBU? We've tried our best but likeDP says were up against it a bit and we can't dictate to his ex how to feed/brush her child's teeth. I thought yesterday would be a wake up call but obviously not.

Could you suggest sugar free alternatives to the sugary drinks e.g. Fanta Zero. I know these are far from perfect, but they would be better than sugary drinks.

The dental team have to do child protection training and this will be covered. That poor child.

Really???

When my DSD had NINE teeth extracted under general anaesthetic.
No one gave a stuff. She was 6 at the time. (13 now)
DH cried as she was going under the general but I suppose that does not count, as he is and was a NRP.

BTW Our nearly 8yo DD has perfect teeth, funny that!

Sorry OP forgot to say YANBU

I think good dental health is down to luck s much as anything.I didn't need a filling til my 30s and that definitely is not down to a good diet and fastidious dental regime (especially as a kid!!)

I don't think that's the case here since the OP's step daughter is so young, but genetics definitely play a part. I have no fillings (I'm 25 now) and I was terrible about brushing my teeth when I was a child.

Just a suggestion, and I think you said she was ok at your house, but if (as her mum says) she doesn't like brushing her teeth have you tried the aquafresh app? It's transformed brush time here (although at 3.5 I think my ds is a bit younger). He refers to it as the toothbrush game and will actually reach for the brush when I start it and brush his teeth himself (rather than hide his head in the pillow and scream as he did before). He has a good go at them.

Unfortunately decay itself is not seen as neglect.
Baby teeth can't be sealed - the child would not be compliant enough that's why adult teeth are sealed if needed, because the child is older and can cope with the procedure.
She is too young to have a high fluoride toothpaste prescribed but there is nothing to stop you using a smear of an adults toothpaste.

i can't decide I will have to look that up, thank you, definitely worth a try and yes I think that the gums are the big problem and I also agree that genetics do have a part to play, everybody on my mums side of the family have good teeth but then we've always eaten sugary food in moderation and it has always been drummed into us to look after our teeth.

Also it is not at all uncommon for children to be born with enamel defects.In fact some children have teeth without enamel at all.It is often as a result of HG causing malnutrition in pregnancy.

Take a look at Argos 'design a friend' range, very like American girl doll and much cheaper. My nearly 10 year old DD is obsessed!

Oops, wrong thread!

Been there and done it with my DSD. Took her for an extraction, filling and root canal last year. Sod all you can do except try and instil good dental hygiene and healthy eating when she's with you. I don't think any child protection team are going to be interested. It does seem to be true that some people have weaker teeth than others. I have way more fillings than my DH despite brushing more and eating / drinking less crap! He had 4 sugars in his tea for years and barely has any fillings!

My DD1 is 5 and has two fillings but she gets her teeth brushed twice a day with an electric toothbrush- sometimes the molars are just quite deep and difficult to clean.

Obviously I am not happy withDD1 having fillings so I have tried two things and it appears to have stopped the decay- we started using sensodyne 6-12 year old toothpaste and she uses children's mouthwash (and doesn't rinse it) every time she brushes - just a suggestion- even though she may not like brushing her teeth she may love being a big girl using mouthwash

There was a tv programme on recently where a dentist was saying that a third of children get dental decay and in some parts of the country it's half of all children, so social services would have a job on their hands if they started investigating every family with a child with decayed teeth.

Best to educate the child. The mother sounds really stupid!

DD was born with tooth enamel defects, but the dentist said that made avoiding sugary food and drinks and regular teeth cleaning even more important. Her adult teeth are healthy.