To ask if all brothers (? Sisters too?) are this aggressive with eachother

[Jollyphonics]

My DSs are 6 and 9. They're great mates, share interests, play well together, clearly really love each other.

But there are inevitable disagreements, arguments over whose turn it is on something, whether it was a goal or not, who should choose the TV channel and so on. More often than not, when they are disagreeing about something, they will hit or kick eachother. It's usually just a couple of hits, then they stop, often when I walk in and catch them.

I had a brother (he died age 20) and we never ever argued, we really didn't. Obviously I know that was unusual, but it means I'm not sure what the "norm" is.

Are my two just normal siblings, or should I worry about the level of violence in their little spats? I this a boy thing, or are girls this aggressive?

I think it's normal my nieces used to physically fight. My two boys never did and there is a five year age gap.

My brother and I had some awful physical fights. He'd end up going to school with a black eye, or a scratched face (I'm female and 2 years younger). He knew exactly how to push my buttons so the physical violence would come about after he'd wound me up to breaking point. My parents' reaction was to tell me to ignore his teasing bullying and that he wouldn't do it if I didn't react. On reflection I don't think the physical fights did any lasting damage. But allowing my older brother to taunt me until I was angry enough to lash out at him probably wasn't the best parenting.

We get on fine as adults though.

Myself and DS are one year apart we had the most terrible fights growing up - clumps of hair pulled out, black eyes, you name it. We are the best of friends now we are grown up. my children fight too it's natural. Don't worry about it OP

Mine were all killing each other until they reached their 20s. Very normal.

Me and my brother used to daily knock ails of shite out of one another, really physical violent stuff. He smashed a glass bottle over my head, I accidentally shot him in the hand with an air pellet gun. We're pretty close now but he can still wind me up in different ways.

OP- my boys are a similar age to yours, and although I have a strict no violence policy they still fight and my youngest particularly is often the one to respond with his fists. I've tried everything, talking when it's calm, promises, threats, bribes; I am consistent and I always follow through. But DS2 tells me he can't help but hit his brother when he gets angry, and he seems not to give a crap what the consequences are, he'll pay them to get his pound of flesh.

The only way to ensure it doesn't happen is to keep them rigidly separated or supervise them every minute. Neither of these is practical and it really wears me down. I keep hoping DS2 will mature eventually, but not optimistic. My brother and I kicked crap out of each other until well into our teens.

So no practical advice really, just solidarity. Would love to hear how other people manage, because the "it's not allowed so they don't do it" certainly doesn't work here.

I think the 'it's not allowed' parents do exactly what you and I do, eliza judging by the responses I got when I asked earlier. I've come to the conclusion that some kids respond better than others. I definitely had a strict and effective behaviour- management strategy with dd1; dd2 doesn't care what other people think of her in the moment (though she's very reflective later). Most of the time she is fab (and outside the home her behaviour and dd1's is perfect), but the sibling rivalry is stronger than everything else - unless I supervise constantly. I send them into the bathroom separately to wash their hands or clean their teeth, for example.

They currently playing delightfully upstairs but no doubt there will be a few screams before bedtime!

I have one DS only (lost a second baby to MMC), but my MIL has two sons, my DH and BIL. They are 4 years apart and super close. But when they were younger they fought so much that MIL told me that her rule was 'unless there is blood, don't involve me'. She had them young (22 and 26) and she worked part time as well. She says when it all got too much she would lock herself in a room and drink a cup of tea. DH says that BIL knew exactly how to wind him up and vice versa. They would fight, make up, fight again, make up, in endless cycles every day. But they were a totally united front against everyone else. I have known DH for 14 years and he and his brother have been super close for all those of 14 years.

Me and my sister used to rip the shit out of each other. We get on great now though!

Yes very normal. Me and my brother had terrible fights, as did my best friend and her brother and my DH and his brother. All incredibly close to our respective siblings now. I wouldn't worry about this at all.

Eliza and fellowship I totally agree. I have very firm boundaries and am consistent in my approach but still my 2 regularly scrap. I simply cannot stand over them for every minute of every day. So on they go.

We've never had any real injuries as I always step in after I hear the first pinch or punch but honestly, the thought of them stepping just because I 'don't allow it' is laughable.

My two, dd and Ds, still can physically fight like cat and dog. I just let them get on with it as they are both over 18.
I have also thrown my dsis into a bed of nettles when we were children.
I guess it's natural

My 2 boys are 6 and 9. There are on average 2 physical fights a day, usually due to competitiveness. But they love each other intensely.

We didn't fight because we'd have been in trouble. But my big sister used to tie me to trees on the sly....

My DDs (11 and 8) are very close and plat together constantly. They bicker like all kids too, but do not hit. DD1 shouts at DD2 and DD2 whines loudly enough for the whole world us to hear, in the hope that DD1 will get told off. It rarely works though, as I usualy just separate them and make them play alone in their bedrooms. This is usually enough for them to make up and play together nicely.

play even

Maybe if the older is the stronger it's easier to manage. My fights with dsis were confined to her hitting me once - I was scared of her so pretty much never hit out (did wind up a lot though). My dd2 is the strong one and the one with the temper and the don't-care attitude, so there's simply not the natural hierarchy to keep her in line.