To ask if all brothers (? Sisters too?) are this aggressive with eachother

[Jollyphonics]

My DSs are 6 and 9. They're great mates, share interests, play well together, clearly really love each other.

But there are inevitable disagreements, arguments over whose turn it is on something, whether it was a goal or not, who should choose the TV channel and so on. More often than not, when they are disagreeing about something, they will hit or kick eachother. It's usually just a couple of hits, then they stop, often when I walk in and catch them.

I had a brother (he died age 20) and we never ever argued, we really didn't. Obviously I know that was unusual, but it means I'm not sure what the "norm" is.

Are my two just normal siblings, or should I worry about the level of violence in their little spats? I this a boy thing, or are girls this aggressive?

I have a younger brother and sister. I wouldn't physically fight them but I would say nasty things to them. On the other hand, my brother and sister would fight like cat and dog! Honestly they would beat each other unless one of us stopped them. Weirdly when they weren't physically kicking the shit out of each other they were absolute best friends.

Mine have only had to be separated on a couple of occasions. I think that because they're so different with completely different interests,they don't have that competitiveness.
One is football mad, but can't ride a bike, the other is BMX/skateboard mad and has zero interest in football.
They get on and now they're teens they seem to have cottoned on that they're a stronger force together when it comes to badgering me
I never got on with my own brother, I was scared of him, he was horrible to me and was 6 years older.

I have three boys, and they used to fight when they were younger.

Usually I just used to wade in, break it up and bollock both (or all) the combatants equally - but one day I decided to get to the bottom of it, and find who had thrown the first punch - and it turned out to be ds3 - then aged about 5.

When asked why he had hit ds2 (aged 7) - his reply was, "Because he was looking grumpy!!" He could not explain why he thought hitting him would improve matters!

Totally normal for siblings to fight, and not an indication of how close they are I think. I have three siblings and we still have blazing rows now, make up again 10 seconds later and everything is fine :) I know siblings who never ever row who aren't really that close, so it can go both ways.

We used to have loads of physical fights as kids. In fact I think the last time I went for my sister was about 5 years ago so I was 21!

My younger two fight all the time. DC3 has a dreadful temper he goes from calm to shaking with rage in about 2 seconds and started hitting as a 10 month old. He is 4 and still hitting despite my years of trying to get him to stop. DC4 is not a physical natured child but has learned to hit to defend himself from DC3.

My sister and I used to fight a lot. She once pulled my hair so hard it lifted my scalp and I had a baggy head for weeks. However if our parents came to investigate any fighting we would form an alliance and deny any accusations.
We are really, really close.

It doesn't matter what sex they are they will scrap if they want to. I have 5 boys and 3 girls. when they start they're all as bad as each other.

Not allowed to fight but they did and they survived and are stronger for it!!
They knew they got no sympathy from me for engaging in it. Obviously if I saw one kick/hit/anything to the other, they would get told off but often they were both as bad as each other.
One of the perks of having a sibling IMO (only child speaking) is that you learn to share, stand up for yourself, are told you are spotty/wearing an ugly shirt, learn your sibling will sometimes get more attention etc etc. It is a pretty good preparation for real life.

All four of us siblings were really bloody brutal, two hospital trips and several nasty cuts/bruises.

We are fine now :)

I think if they are not actually trying to kill each other you are doing OK.

I fondly remember my elder sibling deciding me and dbro should put on our bmx gloves and have a boxing match. For some reason we thought the gloves would cushion things

After I'd hit him once and he'd hit me back, we both lost our tempers and it descended into madness.

We spent a lot of time unsupervised and knew not to do it in front of anyone. We've all grown up into normal-ish adults :)

I think the fact they mostly get on is the key thing. I was actually bullied really badly by older sibling, they hated me and never had a good word to say to me. That was bad.

3 DSs here. Some teasing that turned physical a couple of times but that's it. It was very firmly dealt with because we decided very early on that we were having none of it.

And I disagree with a PP who says that they're stronger for being allowed to fight with their siblings. DS1 had no difficulty flooring a boy in Year 9 who had punched a Year 7 boy and was about to start on DS's mate - and DS was in Year 7 at the time.

Kids can be taught to defend themselves effectively. Our rule was to never throw the first punch.

Big age gap with mine but personally I would absolutely not allow my children to get physical with one another. It's to easy for it to get out of hand.

These posters saying they didn't allow it, so it didn't happen intrigue me. I don't allow it, but it happens loads. My youngest lashes out all the time. She's stopped, physically moved away, put in time out, outings cancelled, privileges removed, blah blah. Still does it - aged 8 - and has hit her sister in front of me and her dad. So how did you 'not allow it'?

Yep, we all did this too and my lot went through a similar phase with the odd punch/kick even now.

My siblings and I had organised fights - we used to have few rules (no biting or hair pulling!) - and then just pile into the middle of the room. Great fun!

I think the important message there fellow is you have still drawn that line of acceptability. She's broken the rules and been punished for it. Her sister and she are still getting that message that you don't tolerate that behaviour. Sounds a pain though - sympathies! - but I think you're doing the right thing.

fellowship we asked a lot of questions around how they would feel and what they would do if a child in year whatever (equivalent age gap) did that to someone/them in school. What would happen? What would they think of the child who'd lashed out? etc etc. This was usually done after the initial 'punishment' when things were calmer.

When they were very young, though, I used to scoop them up and take them straight home if we were out somewhere nice. Then the other 2 got a treat to make up for having to come home because of X's bad behaviour.

I think it's perfectly normal and usual, but it doesn't mean all siblings do.

Mine had to be taught there were better ways to settle disagreements than physical fighting - doesn't stop them arguing though.

I think its normal. I have never hit anyone in anger in my whole life apart from my dsis. She is my best friend as an adult, but as a child at times I felt a hatred for her I've never felt for any other person. We had our last physical fight aged about 18 and 21, so a good 20 years ago now, but when we were growing up it was a fairly common occurrence.

Its totally normal. I don't know anyone that didn't do this as kids or that their kids don't do it now. We are all best friends/neighbours with our siblings now so nothing to do with how close you are.

No, have been wracking my brain but can't remember a physical fight, ever. The odd argument but nothing that lasted longer than an hour or two. One year apart, daughter and son now almost 20 and 18. They get along well.
I don't think there is anything to it though. Most other friends kids fight and I wouldn't say mine were any closer IYSWIM ?
DH and his one year older brother used to fight and they still can have daft arguments but they are very, very close. In fact DBIL is here now as he is several times a week :)

Mmm me and my sister used to fight as my parents never stepped in.

I never allowed it with my girls or my boys. We didn't hit them and they didn't hit each other.

Obviously they did occasional it but we stamped on it immediately.

I don't like it and see no excuse because they are children.

My "nearest" sibling is 8 years older than me. We FOUGHT non-stop (apparently). My fave trick, according to family legend, was to walk into a room and then FLING myself to the floor as if he'd tripped me (he used to sit by the door) - except one time, I did it and he wasn't there busted

My brother and I were AWFUL. I remember my mum crying with despair and frustration. We used to knock seven bells out of each other on a regular basis.

Thank God my kids are nowhere near as bad. They bicker and argue but it rarely gets physical. Sometimes there will be a push or a thump but mainly their arguing is verbal. (Ds1 7 and did 5. Baby too young to offend yet but has mastered his aggrieved yell)

DH used to verbally rile his big brother until BB lost it & walloped DH; DH would holler for a parent who came in to punish the BB. Was a great racket for little brother.

DC1 & 2 never would have done this but DC3 taught everybody how (sigh).