To find the term 'weekend dad' incredibly offensive, ignorant and derogatory?

[1wokeuplikethis]

Labelling of this type and chucking fathers who see their children at the weekends into the 'deadbeat dad'/'weekend dad' category really riles me. It seems like people tend to assume the father is always the one who up and left.

What if it he sees his children only at weekends because his wife gave up on the marriage, or cheated. What if he did everything to keep the marriage going but she just didn't love him enough? What if he misses his children desperately and it breaks his heart not to see them every day any more? What if he worries about them more than ever and has offered to have them full time because their mother can't seem to cope but had the offer thrown back in his face?

Why are men so easily chastised when parents separation occurs? What would happen if it was turned around and the mothers were called '5 day mums/midweek mums' - it's hurtful right? Because even when your children aren't with you, you are still a mother. Every day. So why aren't men given the same respect?

I don't think all separated fathers are tarred this way but I think it's still a pretty rife stereotype. It gets my goat.

There are also fathers whose exes resent their continued presence in their children's lives - because it means some degree of contact with the ex himself - that they rule him out of all contact except at "his" weekend

If that is an issue then parallel parenting is a good way of dealing with it. Again usually the term Disney/weekend dad is not often just about the amount of time spent with the child it's about the parenting during that time.

They resist him seeing copies of school reports or knowing about the health of the children

They do not need any cooperation or facilitation from the other parent to obtain all of this information they do not even need to inform the other parent.

They are weekend Dads no they are not,they are dads who see their kids at the weekend it is not the same thing.

Surprisingly we also have a name that we apply to resident parents who behave this way towards the none resident parent. We tend to call them biter and twisted shits,You may also find that assuming the resident parent is one of those can often be the default setting for many people

There is nothing to stop weekend dads from getting off their backsides and finding out medical/school information if they want it.

There is no need to wait to be spoonfed by the resident parent.

It's used as a control thing by NRPs as well. Exh doesn't give a shiny shite but he likes to create hoops for me to jump through. I have no doubt he tells everyone I withhold information, but that's his fucked up version of reality.

If my DP had been a 'good boy' and complied with his Ex he would have become a weekend dad. Or maybe even a holiday Dad. She'd have thrown the scraps from her table at him, ensuring he only saw his DS when she saw fit.

As it was he fought tooth - and - nail for, and was awarded , shared residency 50/50 which included holidays. That was almost unheard of as they weren't married but he was primary carer. He turned up every Sunday morning for 7 years 5 minutes early. His DS knew his dad was there rain or shine

There are many many fathers who either manage to get the shared care or wish for it but run out of resources to keep fighting due to embittered exs. Those fathers have a story to tell but are under represented on here.

So I agree with your OP wokeup YANBU I cant stand these lazy stereotypes and labels on people, especially as they are becoming even less accurate nowadays.

Not heard mcDads, but have heard saturdads, presumably the same thing... Also just as bad for those who do pull their weight. Unfortunately though, like all stereotypes, they do come from somewhere. For every good hands on NRP there are those happy to do the bare minimum or less... That's what should be addressed.

So why aren't men given the same respect?

Really? You want men given the same respect as single/divorced mothers? Better ask the Mail to get started on that then, they probably have some anecdotes and vitriol to spare for men, though I suppose you won't be wanting the derogatory comments about the weight/appearance of NRPs thrown in too? That might need a bit extra ink.

Aermingers You're complaining about someone in the military not having children when he's working? You want him to go AWOL? And serve time in prison?

yeah, that's exactly what I said....

Being in the military means he can't EVER phone his children, can't EVER say "I can't see the girls on my next two visits so can we re-arrange?", doesn't want school reports or ever see his children not on 'his' days even when he's been working on 'his' days for weeks and weeks, and can't visit his daughter in hospital or have them when I was in hospital when he was off work?

But hey, he's in the military so that makes everything ok....

Oh trust me - xh is a "weekend dad".

Will only have DS at the weekend - it's overnight but actually less than 24hrs.

Has never taken time off during school holidays to spend time with DS, not even 1 day - he gets 5 weeks annual leave.

Has never set foot in DS's school, asked about school, been to parents' evening etc - he's a grown up and just as capable as making an appointment as I am.

I would never describe my friend's xh as a "weekend dad" because he does do those things, even though he only sees his DC at weekends.

Anyone else think we should run single parent bingo for threads like this?

My husband's ex is a complete bitch - check

"Bitter exes" - check

Poor put upon NRPs bankrolling lazy single mums - check

Single mums have it easy - check

Any I've missed?

No LaLyra. You were specifically complaining that some weekends he couldn't have the children because he was working. Anybody with half a brain knows that you can't just up and drop work when you're in the military. And frequently they're not going to be around the corner to organise childcare with ease.

He may well be a dickhead in all the other ways you've described, but you're not really coming across as someone who would be particularly easy to deal with yourself either.

I've never assumed 'weekend dad' was the same as 'deadbeat dad' - quite the opposite. At least weekend dad is bothering.

My 2 youngest haven't seen their dad for over a decade and despite having a lot of money/property, he has never paid a penny for their upkeep. (He is not employed but also so wealthy he doesn't claim benefits, either, so fell between the CSA cracks).

I hae every right to be bitter. But I'm not. I wish my kids had their due, is all. Many resident parents of whichever gender, no doubt feel the same.

My late husband was military he managed perfectly well with always rescheduling so his older children did not miss out due to his work. He would always make sure his first wife had plenty of notice if he was working (obviously where possible) and if he couldn't have the kids due to working he would make sure he did the next time he was not working. If his first wife had commitments because she had been expecting him to be having them he would make sure he paid for childcare of her choice usually an emergency agency nanny.

He was certainly not a weekend dad

Aermingers - My objection to him not taking the girls on "his" weekends is that he doesn't actually give a shit about the impact of cancelling. If it's his weekend then he could organise childcare (his mother would snap his hand off for it), but he doesn't see why he should. Childcare isn't his job in his opinion. He also joined the military after his children were born so he should have thought of that instead of abandoning all responsibility.

My main complaint about "his" weekends is actually that he'll cancel for work, often for numerous in a row, but won't see his children not on "his" days. So at the moment he's cancelled the last 4 visits, 2 work, 1 stag do and 1 that he just 'couldn't make'. However despite being off last weekend he didn't want the girls as it wasn't "his" weekend.

I'm a nightmare to deal with. All that travelling to meet him halfway, keeping the kids entertained when he doesn't turn up, reassuring them that he does give a shit he's just busy...

My exh has never ever seen my DS on his birthday, because it hasn't yet fallen on "his" day.

I'd like my single mum trophy actually. I do an awesome job

Ive seen 2 sides to this. My mum died when I was 15 and never replaced my mum but was in a time when marriage was serious.

My partner sees his kid on sunday and cant other days as he is at college and work most days, plus we need a life!!!!

Op I think there’s two sides to it, there are weekend dads who genuinely are not interested and don’t bother but there are also dads who only have contact on weekends just due to the ex so you’re definitely not BU. My DH sees his Ds EOW and half holidays, there’s NO contact between those weekends simply because the ex refuses to allow phone/Video contact. Ds is 10 and knows exactly how to use a tablet but his mum just will not allow it. It took DH about 3 years in and out of court to get her to comply with contact order and he just hasn’t got the energy to go back. Hopefully as dss gets older he will realise he can contact his dad on his own.
DH has tried so hard to ensure he’s kept informed by the school but they repeatedly “forget” to tell him DSs has shows etc coming up. They’re bloody useless. He’s lucky if he gets sent a year timetable and that’s despite asking several times. Unfortunately sometimes despite a NRP’s best efforts remaining an involved parent becomes an impossible task, particularly when the ex/resident parent seems to loathe contact even happening and would much prefer the NRP ceased to exist. It’s heartbreaking but eventually for the sake of both the child(ren) and the NRP it’s easier not to fight for more. The ex in our situation wouldn’t even allow DSs to see his own dad on father’s day. It’s the children who suffer in the end.