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AIBU?

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Original poster

to remove all of the fun stuff from my DD's bedroom until she tidies it up?

26 replies

Tinklewinkle · 27/05/2015 10:41

I'm not overly fussed about the state of bedrooms, but DD1 (13) is taking things to a new low.

There's dirty washing mixed in with clean washing (she has a dirty washing basket but just flings it all over the floor), dirty plates and cups, sweet wrappers, yoghurt pots and used make up wipes everywhere, and a film of make up powder on every surface

I'm usually of the close the door on it persuasion, but I've been asking for her dirty washing since the weekend and there's more cups in her room than there are in the kitchen cupboard so I've removed her telly and cut the wifi to her phone.

DH thinks I'm picking at her, and if she wants to live like a pig then it's her look out. I agree to a certain extent but her school uniform still needs washing and we're running out of cups

OP posts:
misskatamari · 27/05/2015 10:45

If you've asked her to do it and she's ignored you then tough luck, she has to deal with the consequences. Stick to your guns, especially now you have done it, or is an empty threat and she'll just continue as she is as she'll know there won't be a consequence or that you will back down on what you say. Chuck her some bin bags and polish and let her crack on!

googoodolly · 27/05/2015 10:52

I think to a certain extent if she wants to live in mess, she can, but not to the extent of dirty rubbish on the floor (unhygienic, will attract ants etc. in summer), and all the household crockery up there - so I would be strict on those two fronts. Maybe ban eating/drinking in her room (except water) as she can't be trusted to clean up after herself?

However, if she wants to leave her dirty clothes everywhere, then that's her lookout and she'll just go without clean clothes. If she wants them to be washed, she can bring them down and do them herself, surely? Make-up powder on things - again, her life and if she wants make-up lying on all her stuff, that's her choice - just don't replace anything she's ruined through neglect.

KingscoteStaff · 27/05/2015 10:55

Has she had any friends round recently? Or cousins? There's nothing like the imminent arrival of guests to make my DS suddenly reach for the hoover!

We have imposed 2 rules on DS13 and DD11 - things only get washed if they're in the basket and taxi services don't start working on Saturday morning (sports fixtures) until bedroom floors are clear and hoovered.

Also, if you can, stop food going into bedrooms - easier to make a rule now than try to impose it when they're 16 or 17...

Original poster
Tinklewinkle · 27/05/2015 10:56

I've asked her a million times

I really just want the dirty washing, all the dirty cups and plates and the rubbish.

It's bin day tomorrow so if there's going to be a hundred and one bin bags, I'd quite like them gone.

She now has an urgent need to do her homework and neeeeeedds the internet Hmm

OP posts:
mileend2bermondsey · 27/05/2015 10:58

Don't ask for her washing, if she doesn't want clean clothes, thats up to her. Give her back her TV and wifi when all crockery is returned to the kitchen (washed and put away) and ban her from eating and drinking in her room.

WeirdCatLady · 27/05/2015 10:59

Stay strong. Her homework can be done after she has cleared some of the filth.

Original poster
Tinklewinkle · 27/05/2015 10:59

Sorry, crossed posts.

Yes, definitely going to ban food from her room in future if she can't bring the plates down

She has friends over a lot, but she doesn't seem to care. She did ask for her friend to sleepover last night but I said no as there's no clear floor space to put the fold out bed. Still hasn't stirred her stumps into clearing it up.

Even a token effort of shoving it all in the wardrobe would be a start Grin

OP posts:
googoodolly · 27/05/2015 11:01

Well, maybe that could be used as incentive - if you can't keep your room tidy, you don't get to have friends over? It doesn't take long to put rubbish in the bin, vacuum and do dishes - it's easy to do on a weekly basis and if she does it regularly it won't take her much time at all.

feckitall · 27/05/2015 11:25

Is she scared of spiders? When she was a teenager DD cleaned up when she was told it attracted them Wink

VelvetRose · 27/05/2015 11:25

Good thread op, thank you! I was literally just thinking about whether I should be very very kind and do a quick tidy of my dd's room because she is busy with play rehearsals all week. She's a nightmare for piling up tons of clothes and not putting away clean ones. Think I'll leave it and tackle the issue with her later today!!

AlpacaMyBags · 27/05/2015 11:30

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

Original poster
Tinklewinkle · 27/05/2015 11:39

Grin no, she's not scared of spiders. I did tell her I thought I saw a cockroach disappear under her bedside drawers, but she's not scared of those either apparently (strange child)

We now have school uniform in the washing machine, so it's a start

I'll definitely start banning friends over, food up there, etc. I'm not expecting particularly high standards, it is her room, she hasn't even opened the curtains since Monday, but I would like school uniform out to be washed, dirty crockery brought down and the rubbish binned.

I'm not too fussed about the make up on her dressing table, but I remember ruining my own bedroom carpet with powder at the same sort of age (I'm keeping very quiet about that Grin) so I do want stuff like that hoovered up

OP posts:
googoodolly · 27/05/2015 11:48

It's a start at least! I was a nightmare for having a messy room as a teenager but now I can't stand mess and if something's out of place I have to tidy it straight away, so there's hope for her yet Grin

mileend2bermondsey · 27/05/2015 11:56

Not sure why youre so focussed on the school uniform? If she wants to go to school looking like a tramp, let her. Being ribbed by her peers will soon make her change her act, you forcing her to do it wont.

Gottagetmoving · 27/05/2015 12:01

You are right to remove her TV and wi fi. As for the clothes just let her wear dirty clothes if she can't be bothered bringing them for washing.
She should be vacuuming her carpet herself so if she doesn't and the powder stains the carpet I would make her clean the carpet or make her pay for it to be cleaned.
I get sick of people letting teenagers get away with being sloppy, It is not acceptable just because they are teenagers.

Original poster
Tinklewinkle · 27/05/2015 12:03

Yeah, I was an extremely messy teenager, my mum was constantly nagging me to tidy it up, and I do remember the endless "but it's my room" arguments.

I'm still naturally quite messy now to be honest, and to a certain extent I don't care what she does in her room, but even I have limits Grin

OP posts:
Superexcited · 27/05/2015 12:08

I would have removed the TV and wifi as well. I have DS who behaves like a complete tramp and keeps rotting food in his room, hardly ever hangs up his clean ironed clothes, has rubbish all over the place and treats the bedroom floor like a wash basket.
Whenever his room is in a tip we now ban the watching of TV in his room and ban use of the Xbox. If he doesn't sort it out after the first warning he also loses pocket money.
It sounds harsh but I got sick of finding rotten food (he Isnt allowed to eat upstairs but brings home half eaten snacks from school and leaves them upstairs) and I got sick of ironing clothes to find them in a dishevelled heap.

Icimoi · 27/05/2015 12:19

Is it worth telling her that if she can't bring crockery down she will just have to use disposable stuff that will be paid for out of her pocket money?

BettyCatKitten · 27/05/2015 12:26

My teen ds's room was a health hazard as a teen. I can remember literally running out of forks! We used to have a weekly amnesty on cutlery etc which worked well. My teen dd at least used to tidy her room once a week, but the stains on the floor from make up and burns from straighteners was shocking!

Original poster
Tinklewinkle · 27/05/2015 12:37

She's ok with the straighteners, they came with a heat mat and she actually uses it.

We now have 2 black bin bags full, a load going through the dishwasher and she's just disappeared upstairs with the Hoover.

I bought a load of teaspoons the other day as we'd got low. We now have millions of them

OP posts:
ydl1964l · 27/05/2015 12:54

My DD was the same for years but I let her live in the pigsty and suffer the consequences when she complained about not finding the top she wanted etc. The good news is as soon as she got a serious boyfriend at 17 who I allow in her room, it miraculously gets tidied every time he due round. Just thought you'd like to know that it does get better lol

Fatmomma99 · 27/05/2015 13:01

If you're the same Tinklewinkle that did the thread about neighbours leaving their child with you, then you are probably the most sensible, rational, intelligent, assertive poster on MN, and I wouldn't DREAM of giving you advice, but would always take any you offered.

I am 100% confident you will sort this satisfactorily. But good luck if you're miffed in the meantime.

ChwatFeechers · 27/05/2015 13:03

I'd warn one last time and then bin bag everything not nailed down.

TreadSoftlyOnMyDreams · 27/05/2015 13:18

I don't have a teenager but a friend does. His kids come to his every weekend after school on a Friday and live with his exwife Mon-Thurs. He dishes out pocket money on a Monday morning before school subject to their rooms being spick and span by 7am when he heads to London to work. They are 17 & 18. It seems to work v well. Grin

I used to visit a friend as a teen who had an utter pit of a bedroom. If I was left alone in her room for any length of time I'd start to clean up. It made me itch to look at it. We met up recently and apparently she now has borderline OCD standards with 3 small boys Grin

mileend2bermondsey · 27/05/2015 13:33

and 18 year old adult should not be getting pocket money from daddy for cleaning their room. But thats a different thread entirely.

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