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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

Mumsnet jury needed - was this really cheeky or am I getting my panties in a knot over nothing

70 replies

lomega · 26/05/2015 21:32

Day before yesterday DH and I went out to drop some clothes off at a nearby charity shop which we support the cause of. There were a fair few bits in a big Bag For Life, mostly clothes my DC had outgrown and a couple of DH's pairs of jeans he didn't want any more. It was all of good quality and we don't sell it on as we feel that if a charity can benefit/we can have a clearout/some other parents get nice stuff for a low price, so be it.
Anyway our chosen charity shop was shut and it was the only one in the area we were visiting, so we decided to leave the bag of clothes outside the front door. Other people had left donations heaped up too in bags, so we assumed it'd be fine as there was a front porch bit, so if it rained the items wouldn't be ruined.
As it was a nice day anyway we took DC to a nearby park since we'd made the trip out, and we went to play for half an hour or so.

When we were walking back to our car, past the (still closed) charity shop, we noticed our bag of donations wasn't there any more. I pointed this out to DH and we assumed perhaps someone had come to sort donations out but didn't have the staff to man it for it to be open.
Lo and behold, we get to the car park, and I see a lady carrying off our bag of stuff and loading it into her own vehicle! She also had another of the bags that had been in front of the charity shop doors, so had clearly had a good rummage, seen stuff she wanted, and decided to take it.

DH and I can't decide if this bothers us or not so it's more of a WWYD/WIBU 'in retrospect' - am I being a bit mean thinking you just don't steal stuff from the front of a charity shop that's been donated to that very cause? It was very clear/obvious it WAS a donation, not just put out for the general public to take for free. I wanted to go up to the woman and say "did you at least put a donation through the letter box???" but tbh I was a little shocked anyone would take things intended for charity in the first place.
On the other hand, she might have been in dire need herself and had DC that needed the clothes, in which case I'd be much less bothered. And also as I'd just chosen to leave the clothes outside, instead of going back another day, I'm partly to blame because the items were left at my own risk. I suppose I'm too trusting of the public and assumed people wouldn't take the clothes, but some would say that's naïve of me!

All over now and it's been and gone but what would you have thought??

OP posts:
ImperialBlether · 26/05/2015 21:52

There's a much bigger chance she doesn't work at the shop, Eponas, given the shop was shut! Theft of bags outside charity shops is a huge problem.

RB68 · 26/05/2015 21:55

just seen remote area - put back in boot till next in town. I know it seems harsh but honestly it just makes life at the shop hard work, constantly been nagged by the council about the "rubbish" outside, then taking in bags which have things in they can't sell (Manky duvets anyone) they then have to either pay for them to be taken away or can sell to rag merchants (although they don't take duvets apparently), people dumping damp boxes of failed carboot episodes - if you can't sell at a carboot why do you think it needs to go to a charity shop) and so on.

Original poster
lomega · 26/05/2015 21:55

Shit I feel like a right idiot. Is it really fly tipping? Like I say before as it's in a more remote area there are no signs out as I guess they need more donations and don't mind bags being left. I assumed as other people had left bags it would be OK to put mine there too.

OP posts:
SaucyJack · 26/05/2015 21:56

It isn't theft, as the skankee has reasonable grounds to believe the clothing has been abandoned and as such is not depriving the rightful owner of their property.

Just not naice behaviour.

ChillySundays · 26/05/2015 21:58

I have had bags taken from outside my house.

Shallishanti · 26/05/2015 22:01

it IS theft- the property belongs to the intended recipient (or possibly the donor) not some random passer by
but I do think it might have been a passing charity shop person (much easier to pick up the stuff than open the shop)
why didn't you just speak to the person, OP?

tilliebob · 26/05/2015 22:03

Around here they have been known to take the bags to the local clothes for cash place where you get some much money per kilo of whatever. I just save everything for my dcs school when they do ragbag twice a year.

Mrsstarlord · 26/05/2015 22:05

I used to know a nurse who worked bank shifts through the winter and take the summer off. She supplemented her wages by selling clothes on ebay, she got most of those clothes from outside charity shops.

I was Shock and Angry when I found out.

BeCool · 26/05/2015 22:08

Wow I thought everyone knew you didn't leave stuff outside a closed charity shop

Round these parts OP what you did is called FLY TIPPING.

The woman with your clothes was effectively clearing up your fly tipping for you.

BeCool · 26/05/2015 22:14

As my Mum used to say "if you saw people jumping off a cliff would you do that too" Grin

We live and learn op. I have a boot full of stuff for the charity shop waiting for the right time to drop it off.

Original poster
lomega · 26/05/2015 22:14

It was a donation left in good faith. I've learnt my lesson for next time. I can understand it being considered fly tipping if I'd left, say, an old unsaleable mattress outside or the like but it was a bag of clothes that would certainly be worth something. I know it's been and gone now and I shall only leave clothes with open charity shops in future, but I honestly did not know it would be classed as littering. :(

OP posts:
PeppermintCrayon · 26/05/2015 22:15

YABU and astonishingly naive if you thought you could leave them outside the shop and they wouldn't get nicked.

DarthVadersTailor · 26/05/2015 22:15

YABU purely because you've left them out on the street for anyone to grab, I know you made a specific trip to the charity shop and it was closed but if you were that bothered about donating to the shop you should have popped back when they were open. Did it not even cross your mind to think that leaving them there left the bags open to theft?

Of course the lady taking them was BU but then if someone is desperate (or just opportunistic) and they see them there, odds are they're going to take them.

Original poster
lomega · 26/05/2015 22:21

I guess I am naïve as I grew up in an area where everyone knew everyone else and was honest, I suppose I've been brought up in a bit of a bubble. Moved to this current area 4 years ago and frequently fill those bags up that you get posted in your front door with requests for donations, where you just leave them on your doorstep and the charity comes around to collect them. So I guess in my head I thought this was on the same wavelength. :/

OP posts:
PeppermintCrayon · 26/05/2015 22:45

Oh bless you OP. Those bags are often scams. So yes it was on the same wavelength - just not in the way you thought I'm afraid.

www.theguardian.com/money/2007/aug/18/moneysupplement.voluntarysector

www.theguardian.com/money/2010/sep/21/beware-scam-charity-clothing-collectors

www.bhf.org.uk/about-us/our-policies/our-shops/charity-bag-fraud

PaperdollCartoon · 26/05/2015 22:45

Maybe I just want to see the best in people, but I'm inclined to think only someone who really needed to would take clothes left outside a charity shop. You'd be surprised how many people struggle to buy clothes and things these days. I wouldn't be annoyed, I'd just think 'well I hope she gets good use out of them'.

Gabilan · 26/05/2015 22:56

I put old clothes in the clothes bank. The ones with the Sally Army stickers on the side. Please don't tell me they're a scam too.

I mean I know the stuff gets shipped half way round the world sometimes rather than being sold in UK shops. I haven't worked out whether this is better or worse than it going into landfill.

And now I'm wondering if the signs telling you not to climb into clothes banks aren't to stop childish pranks but to try to stop people nicking stuff.

SistersofPercy · 26/05/2015 23:03

People are fond of leaving sofas outside one near me, usually sofas with no fire labels. This then costs the charity to dispose of them. They have signs in the window asking people to please not leave anything outside but every time I pass when it's closed there are bags or furniture there. Closer than the tip for some folk sadly.

Oswin · 26/05/2015 23:11

I used to volunteer at the charity shop down the road. People rarely stole the bags of clothes left outside. Mostly the fuckers would just piss in them.

BeCool · 26/05/2015 23:12

And it rains. So the poor charity shop volunteers arrive to soggy bags of other people's unwanted wet crap to go through first thing in the morning. Yuk.

There are oxfam clothing recycling bins everywhere. Many supermarkets have clothing recycling bins. Our school has one which is very handy. I still give the better condition stuff to a shop though.

I also think that charity shops are doing me a massive favour in taking my unwanted and unneeded items - rather than feeling like I am doing a charity shop a favour by providing them with stuff to sell. They provide me with a service I value and appreciate.

Original poster
lomega · 26/05/2015 23:16

BeCool, there was a porch area at the front as there is a small row of shops so no rain wouldn't get into the bag. I too think the charity is doing me a favour as the clothes would just be useless at home, however like I've said they were good quality items given in good faith, I was just an idiot for leaving them outside.

OP posts:
Charis1 · 26/05/2015 23:23

stealing from the front of charity shops is systematic, highly organised and extremely profitable.

SeenSheen · 26/05/2015 23:24

Probably going to sell it at the 50p a kilo shops. Anyway it stops the stuff being strewn about the pavement overnight.

Charis1 · 26/05/2015 23:26

well I hope she gets good use out of them

She's not going to use them? She'll be part of a supply chain to pass huge quantities of stolen property on!

Iliveinalighthousewiththeghost · 26/05/2015 23:36

I'm torn. In one way I think cheeky bitch. Your intended donation was to the charity shop not to her, yet I also have a voice saying to me but this women could have been in absolute dire straits and desparation.
It's only clothes in s bag that you no longer want. It's hardly the end of the world is it. Believe me it's not worth holding on to.