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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

How do I ltb?

37 replies

yearoftheferrari · 26/05/2015 08:01

Nc for this.

I have come to a decision that I want to divorce my husband. Details hopefully not necessary as I know you would respond ltb.

We have two kids, 6 and 1. Eldest in a lovely school nearby. Grandparents etc not local. We own our house - about half is ours, half still mortgaged. Mortgage is alot as we aimed to pay it quickly.

H refuses to leave the house whenever I raise the question of separation / divorce. I need to stay put as I am the person who has done far greater share of child rearing and who they prefer to be with.

I don't want to leave the area wwith them due to school and being settled.

What do I do to get him out?

OP posts:
Icimoi · 26/05/2015 08:03

See a lawyer

Royalsighness · 26/05/2015 08:04

Change the locks when he's out, restraining order maybe? If possible.

Royalsighness · 26/05/2015 08:04

It's a hard thing to do without things turning nasty.

DisappointedOne · 26/05/2015 08:06

If they own jointly then she can't change the locks Royalsighness

fortunately · 26/05/2015 08:07

You can't change the locks on his own house.

Only change them if you rent and his name isn't on the tenancy.

See a lawyer. Get the divorce moving. Hopefully he'll get the message.

Original poster
yearoftheferrari · 26/05/2015 08:10

Yes you're right I should just get things moving. I think he might listen to reason if divorce was actually a reality.

It has all come about because he is EA, which I find hard to admit even on here because I feel like such a failure.

OP posts:
hesterton · 26/05/2015 08:13

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

fortunately · 26/05/2015 08:14

You're not the failure, he is.

To get yourself out of that situation is hard, and takes real guts. That's not failure.

fortunately · 26/05/2015 08:14

X post Smile

SummerHouse · 26/05/2015 08:19

Not a failure. Amazing strength to be getting out under the relentless drain of EA. You are a hero op. You will see it when you are through this, the hardest part. Good luck.

Original poster
yearoftheferrari · 26/05/2015 08:23

Thanks, your posts have made me cry.

I am going to work and have had to leave dcs with him.

I have a big day today which he knows and has sabotaged by leaving me with kids all of yesterday while ge stayed in bed then getting up in the evening to complain house is "disgusting ". This morning he was threatening not to pay the mortgage, which is all about an inheritance I am getting, and him trying to dictate how it is spent.

I'm on train crying. I'm never going to be able to concentrate and my day is so important, not just to me but to others too.

OP posts:
LindyHemming · 26/05/2015 08:23

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

Original poster
yearoftheferrari · 26/05/2015 08:26

Sorry to drip feed.

OP posts:
pissedglitter · 26/05/2015 08:26

See a lawyer
Also see if this can be moved to relationships as you will get a lot of support and helpful advice

Original poster
yearoftheferrari · 26/05/2015 08:27

I feel happier in aibu as that is where I usually hang out!

OP posts:
fortunately · 26/05/2015 08:30

You'll feel so much better once you instigate the split.

Being a LP is so so so much easier than parenting with someone like that.

FarFromAnyRoad · 26/05/2015 08:52

Wishing you strength - you're doing the right thing for you and for the children. I'd agree with everything that's been said already but also would recommend you take advice about protecting your inheritance if that is at all possible. Flowers

Gottagetmoving · 26/05/2015 09:02

You must get legal advice and follow it. There is no quick way of getting him out so you have to be patient. Try not to resort to any underhand tricks or listen to people telling you to do anything that can be considered unreasonable. It really does work out better when you do things properly and fairly. Try not to let any unreasonable behaviour by your DH to make you retaliate. A solicitor will help you.

Original poster
yearoftheferrari · 26/05/2015 09:04

Thanks all.

OP posts:
Original poster
yearoftheferrari · 26/05/2015 09:05

Been speaking to fil who is entirely sympathetic to me and helpful, which speaks volumes. Feeling a bit more like I can do this.

OP posts:
ilovesooty · 26/05/2015 09:07

Good for you. You can do this.

Whatisaweekend · 26/05/2015 09:13

Would the inheritance be enough to buy him out?

Crikey he must be a nasty piece of work if his own father is more sympathetic to you!

Good luck today - I am sure you will rise above it all and shine.

flora717 · 26/05/2015 09:43

Book an appointment with a solicitor. I found as soon as I'd done that it was easier to focus on the day to day because I was able to think of when I'd handle house etc and detach a bit.

FlabulousChix · 26/05/2015 09:54

Can you afford the mortgage and bills if he leaves? He would only have to pay maintenance.

BlinkAndMiss · 26/05/2015 09:58

You can do this, you've already won half the battle by leaving the house and not missing your day. Now don't let him ruin the rest of it :). You definitely need to see a lawyer, make sure he can't access your money and remember that this is the beginning of the end of life with such a bullying twat.

You've done the most difficult thing by admitting and then focusing on creating a plan, it's just the fiddly bits you need to get round now. But finding the strength to get the process started is the hardest part, keep going :).

And good luck today :).

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