...or is DH?

[brightnearly]

So. DH had an appointment yesterday in the afternoon. He decided to take a nap around noon, I offered to wake him up.

DCs get restless; I decide to take them outside. Phoned DH at required time, but no answer - because he'd switched his phone off, to which he's normally wedded.

I have to admit - I was vaguely aware that this could be a possibility, so effectively took a risk when I decided to phone rather than go back home. However, He did nit tell me tgat he'd switch off his phone explicitly.

He woke up too late. My fault?

Dr, no. His fault. Why should you and DC be restricted by his failure to set an alarm?

Dr er

....he did still manage to get to his appointment, but I'm in the doghouse now.

And he "did not tell me that..."

No, you are not an alarm clock. He should be capable of setting an alarm and he should be capable of leaving his phone on, even if it's on silent (I'm pretty sure the alarms still go off if the phone is set to silent. Mine certainly does.)

His fault. You called. He had restricted his ability to be woken by turning his phone off. Are you supposed to sit around and wait until master has woken up before going outside? Ridiculous.

Tell him to get a grip. Or buy him this book.

You offered to wake him up. Then you decided to go and do something else which meant you were unable to wake him up?

Yabu

He is a grown man, waking himself up is his own responsibility, however you did say that you would do it but then went out.
DH is being unreasonable by not setting himself an alarm and relying on you. You were unreasonable by going out and not fulfilling the task you had said you would do. But he was being unreasonable to have a nap and expect you to act as his personal wake up call.

My judgement is that although you did fail in a task you were set, he was unreasonable to ask you to do it in the first place when he could very easily have set an alarm on his phone.

Sorry, I think if you'd agreed to wake him then he would expect you to do that in person and so his phone being off isn't his fault. You could have checked his phone before you left or put an alarm clock next to him.

Of course it's his fault. He ought to grow up. Setting an alarm is the obvious thing to do whether you're there or not.

Bullshit or should I have spoiled his nap by keeping the noisy DCs inside? I suppose I shouldn't have offered.

But I must admit that I thought he, as an adult, would nit entirely rely on me.

Even if she had offered and didn't, and wasn't taking the kids out and hadn't phoned to try and wake him up - putting her in the doghouse is a red flag. His response should have been 'oh well, not to worry - I got there in the end alright'.

Not! Not nit.

I can see how both of you could have acted more reasonably. It's just one of those things.

I would have thought it would be forgotten about by now.

You arranged to wake him and failed so YABU.

But the arrangement was unreasonable. Why not just set an alarm and relieve you of the burden?

Why is a grown man having an afternoon nap! Is he unwell? yANBU

On balance I think he was BU. You did try and wake him up, allbeit not in the flesh. I bet he would've been irritated if you'd woken him to tell him you were taking the DCs out, and been irritated if you'd stayed in and they'd kept him awake. Lose, lose for you.

He was daft enough to not set his alarm as a backup. My phone is very basic but I can have it switched off and the alarm set and it will go off. Similarly if calls and texts are on silent, the alarm will go off. He needs to take a bit more responsibility for himself. I think he just need to let this go and realise it was just one of those things and stop acting like an extra child.

Also, HIBU to just "decide to take a nap" at the weekend and leave you to look after the kids, unless you get equal amounts of time to just do what you fancy while he has the kids. Do you?

If I need time at the weekend (to work, go to the gym or do a domestic task) I will nicely ask DP if he can be in charge of the kids and it's give and take so that we both get time to do stuff. We get lie-ins but it's one each at the weekend, so a fair split.

Unless he is ill of course.

Are you often in the doghouse for things that he should be taking responsibility for?

No, fortunately he's not ill. I don't see him taking a nap as a problem, but on this waking-up issue he did get quite cross with me as I'd apparently made a 'massive assumption' that his phone was on and failed on 'my ONE job'.

I thought that was unreasonable, given especially that I'd done my job, though, as Bollocks said, not in the flesh.

I'm in the doghouse whenever he decides to rely on me and I fail to deliver properly (like getting us on the wrong bus when on holiday).

It does sound as if he didn't set the alarm precisely because you'd offered to wake him, and relying on phoning presupposes that his phone is nearby and switched on, which is clearly risky

However, failing in your "ONE job": bollocks. You were looking after and entertaining his children and keeping the house quiet for him. He was sleeping. Which of you does he imagine was doing something more important over the relevant period?

Tell him to get over himself, my husband does this to me all the time.
He will sleep in ( he runs his own business so he works all odd hours). He will then wake up (late for a meeting ) have a go at me, who by the way is trying to get 3 DCs ready for school and nursery.
I don't even pay attention to his strips, in fact I put him in the dog house until he apologises

Strops not strips