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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Cheer up it might never happen

57 replies

ChuffinAda · 23/05/2015 15:22

Aibu to absolutely detest this phrase? How do they know it hasn't already happened?

OP posts:
expatinscotland · 23/05/2015 18:53

'You would think hospital employees above all others might have the sense to work out how inappropriate that would be.'

Oh, I had an HCA tell me, whilst my daughter was in an onco unit, that one day I would look back at that time and laugh. My daughter died 4 months later. And 3 years on, I still don't find any of that time funny.

Sirzy · 23/05/2015 18:54

Someone said it to me once in the hospital canteen, ds was in hdu at the time and part of the reason I had left the ward was to phone our vicar to put him on standby to baptise ds who was 8 weeks at the time. I just walked away, but within a hospital seems a really daft place to say it.

formerbabe · 23/05/2015 18:59

Yanbu....It takes a special kind of cu*t to say that to someone.

TheNameIWantedIsTaken · 23/05/2015 19:00

I despise the phrase, it always riles me and has always been said to me by men. Just why?

YouMakeMyHeartSmile · 23/05/2015 19:00

Someone said it to my grandmother the day my brother (her grandson) died at 27. She told him it had, and exactly what had happened.

taxi4ballet · 23/05/2015 19:08

Someone said it to me once - I'd just had a phone call to tell me my uncle had died.

Mehitabel6 · 23/05/2015 19:53

It doesn't take much imagination to work out that terrible things happen to people every day and therefore it is a stupid comment.

lordStrange · 23/05/2015 20:10

Someone said this to me at the hospital the night my dad died. Fucking unbelievable!

MrsTedCrilly · 23/05/2015 22:10

Another hater here.. We are not here to smile at men all day long, imagine the achey jaw! I've had it a few times, usually walking through markets.. Nothing bad has happened, just a case of RBF Grin

Cheer up it might never happen
TamzinGrey · 23/05/2015 22:30

Bloody hell - I'm shocked that this stupid phrase is still being flung about. I'm old and I used to get this all of the time when I was a teenager, always from men who were as old, or older than my father. Mostly bus drivers. It always made me cringe and feel embarrassed, which is probably what they wanted. The bastards must have taught it to their sons.

Iliveinalighthousewiththeghost · 23/05/2015 22:33

Very true op. Closed minded out dated and ignorant statement.
People don't know who they're saying these things to nor what they've been through

AliceLidl · 23/05/2015 22:51

I hate it too.

I come from a family of people who suffer from resting bitch face. Even our family doctor commented on it to my mother (who married in so looks more cheerful) when I was a child.

We can't help it. We're actually quite happy, it's just hard to tell from looking at us.

When my Grandad died, my cousin had to come on the train to the funeral, she was collected by another cousin at the station.

As she walked through the station, dressed in black, looking generally sad, carrying a wreath, some idiot got in her face saying "cheer up love, you look like you're going to a fucking funeral or something."

To his credit, when she replied with "that's exactly where I am going" he did mutter sorry before he slunk off. I don't know how much more of a bigger clue he needed than a woman in black carrying a wreath.

She was upset at the time but did manage a laugh about it later.

I did post on here though about a rude Mum at school who never speaks to me usually, finally deciding to speak to me in the corner shop by demanding to know why I always look so miserable.

I did tell her I couldn't help it as I have resting bitch face, unlike her who has the more active sort of bitch face that she obviously puts real effort into.

I got to walk away and leave her speechless, with the man behind the counter having a laugh to himself about it. Grin

Silverdaisy · 23/05/2015 22:56

I have only been subject to this phrase by men also, and it was when I was late teens early twenties. I was generally of a good disposition and smiled a lot. but obviously a permanent grin was not stretched across my face.

If someone said it now to me, I would tell them they should be more sensitive to people and perhaps life has given a shit hand.

PeppermintCrayon · 23/05/2015 22:59

"Yanbu....It takes a special kind of cu*t to say that to someone."

Exactly. You never know what anyone might be going through.

GiddyOnZackHunt · 23/05/2015 23:03

A twatty manager at work did it to me. Single digit anniversary of the funeral of an immediate family member. Had been totally professional all day. Late in the afternoon I had my resting bitch face on as I wrestled with a complex piece of work and the twat rocks up with Cheer Up...
I did deliver a piece of my mind.

ATruthUniversallyAcknowledged · 23/05/2015 23:10

Flowers to all who need them.

Someone said this to me when it already had. I still go cold when I think of him and his smug little face. Twat. Luckily my mum was there to give him what for as I really didn't have the strength.

ToadsJustFellFromTheSky · 23/05/2015 23:41

Andrewofgg I have never had women say this to me. It has always been men.

Someone once said this to me when I'd just found out my best friend had died. It took all my strength not to punch him or burst into tears.

PolkaDotsandPumpkin · 24/05/2015 01:41

YANBU. Used by men to minimise or dismiss a "little lady" and her feelings. As though anything a woman could be sad/upset about is trivial.

lavenderhoney · 24/05/2015 01:52

I hate it too. There's a reason people might look unhappy - their world may have just imploded- but they might still have things they have to do.

I had a woman say to me once " oh don't cry, you're so pretty - you have no need to cry". I was on the tube having heard of a death an hour before and on my way to be with the bereaved:(

I told her she didn't understand. She tutted:(

TooOldForGlitter · 24/05/2015 02:00

Andrewfogg have you really heard women say it? In all my life, living in the south and the north of the UK I've never ever heard a woman say this to a man. Not once.

TooOldForGlitter · 24/05/2015 02:06

IME it's said to women who are going about their daily business. By men. Only by men to women because our function in life is to smile and look pretty for random wankers in the street.

nocoolnamesleft · 24/05/2015 03:48

It's up there with "Cheer up, who died?" for sheer insensitive stupidity. And anyone using either in a hospital needs ritually slapping across the face with the departmental wet fish.

RedButtonhole · 24/05/2015 04:01

I hate this turn of phrase. Aside from the fact that it is totally insensitive, it is also just bloody annoying.

Am I really supposed to sit on a train/ at a bus stop/ walk up the street with an inane grin on my face? I think not.

And yes, it is only ever smug looking men that say it.

AutumnFades · 24/05/2015 13:31

and "smile, it could be worse" - how do they know it hasn't already got worse?

Nettletheelf · 24/05/2015 15:57

Oh, I am so glad that I'm not the only one with resting bitch face!

I get this all the time. Usually from men on building sites or on market stalls: never women. 100% agree that I shouldn't have to go around smirking and grinning to give stupid men something nice to look at.

Somebody said it to me a couple of years ago, a week after I'd had a miscarriage and associated surgery. It was my first day back at work and I'd walked into town to get something nice for lunch from M&S for a treat. The "cheer up love, it might never happen" flung at me from a building site misfired rather; I burst into tears. I've never seen a group of men run away so fast.