to want to live life to the full?

[AlmondAmy]

DP is very sensible and likes to live life by the rules. I prefer to live day to day and make the most of each one. For example: last year he was here when we got the first snow of the year just before bedtime. The dc were super excited but he told them to calm down and go to bed. This year when the snow first came just before bedtime he wasn't here and the kids and I put our wellies over our pj's and had a fab time.

This week it's been sunny here so I've ignored the ironing and the dc and I have been out playing all day everyday. Yesterday we finished dinner and he started telling them to calm down etc but it was a lovely evening so I suggested the park so they could run off some steam. He huffed and puffed and it was like he was the tired grumpy toddler of the bunch.

I like the kids having great days everyday but he says he finds it too exhausting and pretty much said I make him sick because I always have time/energy for them. I also have time for him but he falls asleep by 10 despite doing about a tenth of what I do during the day. Aibu to want to live life without constraints?

Have to take issue with what several posters have said here 'what healthy adult goes to bed at the same time as their children?'
I sometimes do! I'm not depressed, I'm totally fine, just have an incredibly busy job, two small children and a long commute.
Only do it on a few nights, but still...

You sound lovely - in small doses to be honest. Living life to the full doesnt always have to be manic or full on. Time *of quite and relaxation ate as precious as running naked through blue bells.

Barnetmum - I am one of those who asked who goes to bed so early. I did say, though, that the person may be depressed OR tired. The OP doesn't seem to want to entertain the idea that her DP may be exhausted.

Sounds like he was the 'fun' guy once (crisps, TV)

No thats lazy. Just as he is now with OP.

Um, not everyone thinks playing with kids is fun.

It would be an idea not to have any kids then wouldnt it?

SurlyCue - I think I was pointing out a logical inconsistency in how the OP described her DP, her changing idea of what being 'fun' is about.

You are the fun, spontaneous, joyful parent.

Your husband is the boring, regimented, disciplined parent.

You are both parenting from the extremes. See if you can both moderate your behaviour and meet in the middle.

I can see your point...i can also see his tbh.

But it does sound like you don't really like him.

From reading your previous posts OP it sounds as though he is a useless father and partner, and this is just another example of his useless-ness?

It's great that you love doing things with the kids all the time of course, but I think you are being a bit harsh on him. Maybe his is job is mentally tiring (assuming he is the one who works?) Or could he be stressed? I have a very stressful job, & I can tell you it is incredibly irritating when you are tired/mentally exhausted or whatever, to have the other parent constantly leaping around wanting you to do things when all you want to do is quieten the kids down & go to bed.

I actually don't think your husband sounds depressed; I think that might be just how he is. Not everyone likes being all bouncy and spontaneous. Was he like this before children?

I go to bed early a lot. I think it's because I can't have lie-ins; I just put them on the other end of the day.

You don't have kids to play with them, they're not toys. Parents the world over have kids they love and nurture while not engaging in much western style play. Providing a loving, stable, financially secure home and providing physical and emotional nurturing - which may or may not include much in the way of parent child play beyond baby peekaboo stuff - is what kids need. Everyone needs constraints and boundaries, too.

Your post actually sets my teeth on edge. It's like the set-up for a very cliched movie.

She's the fun, zany, spirited manic-pixie-dream girl who makes the most of each day!

He's the stick-in-the-mud, go-to-bed-early, grumpy guy who huffs and puffs!

Except, the plot should be '... but this summer she'll TEACH HIM HOW TO REALLY LIVE and they'll have merry adventures whilst learning life lessons and filling their children's life with CONSTANT CRAZY FUN'

... but it sounds more like: he's a twat, and I'm awesome. AIBU to be awesome and 'live life to the full'? No: clearly you should be mediocre and do more ironing, says absolutely no one.

Certainly hope this dynamic isn't played out in RL: lots of eye-rollings and 'well, you know Daddy won't want to do that' and unsubtle digs that you're the fun one. Personally, if I was being painted as the sensible, staid, dull-as-shit parent then I'd probably say fuck it and go back to bed. I'm sure my offspring will love me again once the teenage years arrive.

Honestly.....not everyone has loads of enery or enthusiasm. I'd fond you a bit much.

Brilliant post Ladylike!

you both sound hard work op

I agree with ladylike, this post gave me a very bad taste. I think that (unless there's a huge backstory that is not mentioned) YABU. Your op comes across as a self-congratulatory - you're the fun parent and your DH is the boring one. But actually, there's nothing wrong with insisting kids go to bed at bedtime rather than staying out in the snow (there's always something 'more fun' to do at bedtime!) and there's nothing wrong with not wanting to run around the park with your children when you come home tired from work.

Kids are perfectly happy getting on playing by themselves and it doesn't make you a 'better' parent if you spend the day playing with them. So long as you are spending quality time with the kids and make the effort to take them out occasionally, there's no need to take part in all their games, and in fact it is also important to give kids their own space.

If your DH is genuinely uninterested in his kids and doesn't do anything with them, obviously that's bad. But nothing you've said in your post suggests that. You just sound like you want to be congratulated for your 'fun' parenting. And comments like this - "I like the kids having great days everyday but he says he finds it too exhausting" are pretty pass-agg -- I am fairly sure that your DH has not in fact said "I don't want the kids to have a great day" - just that he doesn't want to spend the entire day playing with them in the park - which is not the same thing!

Also, in what sense does he do 1/10 of what you do during the day? Are you both working? Do you split household chores? If you think that he's not pulling his weight in terms of housework, then you need to address that directly rather than having a dig at him for being boring. It sounds as if you are the SAHP and he works. If so it is a bit mean to suggest that his work is 1/10 of yours - I'm sure that's not how he sees it. Especially since by your own admission you ditched ironing etc to play outside last week - nothing wrong with that but presumably not an option for him if he works? If you have this attitude to your DH in person, it's not surprising that he feels a bit worn down, he can't feel like he or his parenting is very valued.