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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

"As long as they are not ginger"

136 replies

Tiredbadger · 21/05/2015 15:09

I am currently expecting DC2.

I have just told my old boss the news and his first response was "I bet you want a boy" followed by "as long as they are not ginger." (Both DD and I have red hair).

AIBU to think this is so so rude and unprofessional, and even cruel to my DD?

OP posts:
Idontseeanydragons · 21/05/2015 17:48

DH is ginger. Very very ginger with grey badger stripes. He's glad none of ours turned out ginger because of all the stick he got about his hair as a child (and even as an adult tbh).

CheshireCait · 21/05/2015 17:49

He's an utter idiot. I have red hair and I absolutely love it, I've only ever had compliments about it. I'm sorry that neither of my kids inherited it.

Foreverlurking · 21/05/2015 17:49

CALL THE POLICE.

Or you know, just ignore it. It was a joke. A bad one, but a joke. Chill.

HayDayRookie · 21/05/2015 17:50

I was over the moon that DD and DS didn't have ginger hair. I have ginger hair and was bullied very badly at school. Walking in to assembly boys would shout "SHE'S GOT A GINGER MINGE"
It was cripplingly embarrassing as a 13yr old. I would wet myself in fear. Even the girls were nasty, one said in front of everyone (including the teacher) "If my kid had ginger hair I'd drown it" Sad

Your boss is ignorant at best.

LyingWitchInTheWardrobe2726 · 21/05/2015 17:53

HayDay... that is very bad and it should have been taken up with your teacher. If you hadn't had ginger hair, it would have been something else - nose wonky - or too straight, eyes the 'wrong' colour, etc. Bullying is disgusting.

widdle · 21/05/2015 17:55

To everyone saying it's just a joke please read HayDayRookie's post. You would never dream of making such cruel comments based on someone's skin colour or ethnic background.

To say it's just a joke minimises this type of bullying behaviour.

Flowers Rookie

GirlWithaPearlEarring · 21/05/2015 17:56

As a mixed race person of Carribbean heritage I just do not get the British negativity regarding red hair, whilst trumping blonde all the time (blonde bombshell etcConfused)

Red hair is absolutely gorgeous. Red haired men are very sexy and if a man is in front of me with red hair I get the urge to reach out and stroke it.

Every time I see a woman my own age with red hair I think it's just not fair.

Ignore people's ignorant comments.

RooftopCat · 21/05/2015 18:00

I think with people like this you have to show them that it's insulting.
So pick a physical feature of theirs - not necessarily one that is considered 'bad' and use it: " I won't mind if it's ginger but I hope it's not short/tall/balding/big nosed/small nosed/skinny/fat/short fingered. Hope do you cope with that?"
Hopefully they will see the light then.

RooftopCat · 21/05/2015 18:01

*hope do you cope with that? = how do you cope with that?

MrsHelenBee · 21/05/2015 18:21

Being a red-head myself, I totally get how you're feeling. I have two DC, and was terrified both times that I would have a red-head. I've come to HATE my hair with a passion after a lifetime of teasing and bullying, and couldn't bear to see my own children go through the same torment.
It drives me nuts that it has to be a joke point, for just about anyone who doesn't have it, it would seem. What's wrong with it - if it were fire engine red or actually orange, I could understand how an artificial colour would stand out and draw all the wrong sorts of attention. But it's not, it's natural, not a colour we can choose and, because the world doesn't accept it, torment becomes expected, even if doesn't start straight away.
I have Cantonese friends who recently had a baby, but never did it enter my mind to say "Well, as long it's not black on top!"
Why is it even important enough to comment on?!!! If the comment was made about skin colour, it would be racist. If negative comments are made about someone who's on the heavier side, it would be totally unacceptable. Being in either of those situations would cause great offense if I was on the receiving end.
Joke or not, feeling upset, irritated, offended, or all of the above, is totally understandable. Sadly, no one with any other hair colour seems to understand that reaction.

drudgetrudy · 21/05/2015 18:27

I also just don't understand why so many people are negative about red hair. I think its the most attractive colour-especially that mane of red curly hair that some people have. (Straight mid brown hair here :( )

dementedma · 21/05/2015 18:28

My sister has 5 dcs...in order, one brunette, one flaming red, one blond, one light brown, one mid brown!!! They make a lovely mixed bunch. The red head (ds1) now has a flaming red beard to go with his hair. He looks fab.

flora717 · 21/05/2015 18:57

Just came back from the park. We left because some boys were playing "kick a ginge". Of course I am sure they were only jokingly kicking a boy to the ground then chasing my youngestHmm

Cherryblossomsinspring · 21/05/2015 19:06

Oh it was just a joke but not so funny if your dh is ginger. My ds has flowing blond locks and I used to jokingly say thank god he's not ginger as there was a statistically high possibility of it but then my dd came out red as a carrot and I love it! I guess it's not nice or right to take the Mickey out of redheads.

LyingWitchInTheWardrobe2726 · 21/05/2015 19:06

flora... so the boys did this in front of you, what did you do about it? It sounds like you just left... you didn't, did you? You showed your boy that bullies aren't to be tolerated, yes?

Stanky · 21/05/2015 19:12

HaydayRookie, I feel your pain. I would go through school and life constantly being laughed at and having insults shouted at me in the street. From children and adults alike. I thought that there was something wrong with me. I had no friends and my self esteem was through the floor. I felt totally worthless. The teachers did nothing to tell the bullies that they were wrong, some teachers joined in. One girl at school told me that if she found out that she was having a ginger baby, then she would have an abortion. But it's ok, because they were only joking, and we gingers just need to lighten up.

PrincessOfChina · 21/05/2015 19:12

I'm surprised by those saying they've never had a bad comment about their own red/auburn/ginger hair. I have auburn hair and was teased mercilessly as a youngster.

DameDiazepamTheDramaQueen · 21/05/2015 19:17

Princess- ds was too when he was at middle school. We had many a teary night about 'Gingers have no soul'Sad ( South Park ) eventually he snapped and punched the boy and that was the end of that but I'm sure it had some bearing on the fact he's overly confident now and does martial arts/ is really sporty.

I remember a grown man saying ' Oi ginger' when we were in Tesco once Shock

My dad who is 70 now says the term ginger still strikes fear in his heart when he hears it as he was teased so badly at school, it's almost an automatic reaction to duck he said.

RubyReins · 21/05/2015 19:25

My DS (4) has the most beautiful red hair - or auburn, as he insists it's defined. He has amber eyes and is very striking in appearance. The very idea that red hair is a shameful thing is truly anathema to me. The derogatory ginger comments (so many of them) are met with short shrift Chez RR. Your colleague is a thoroughly stupid man OP.

Mrsfrumble · 21/05/2015 19:43

This is 4 YO DS's mop. The only reason I can think that anyone could say anything negative about it is sheer envy!

Fortunately we live in the Southern US so he gets treated like a rockstar because of it. Seniors stop dead in the street and shout "Oh my GAHD! Just look at that be-yoo-tiful HAIR!". DS is very cool about it. When asked "where did you get that hair?" (which is all the time, as neither DH or I have red) he answers "it grew out of my head". Grin

"As long as they are not ginger"
derxa · 21/05/2015 20:02

Just finished watching Ed Sheeran's video of 'Photograph' Lovely images of him growing up. Completely talented. Who judges someone on the colour of their hair.

HayDayRookie · 21/05/2015 20:08

stanky Thanks Thank you.

LadyFlumpalot · 21/05/2015 20:10

I adore proper red hair. When I was about 11 I used to live next door to a lass who had waist length hair that was a proper metallic copper colour. She had bright green eyes and pale skin. I honestly thought she was a fairy she was that beautiful.

HoldenCaulfield80 · 21/05/2015 20:13

I'm a redhead. When I was pregnant the kids at school would always ask me if I thought DD would be ginger. I told them that I hoped so and I'd sacrificed a goat to the ginger gods to make it so.

Now we have Gingerwatch where they look at photos of her and decide if she's gone ginger yet. I fear it will never happen. Waste of a good goat.

YANBU!

lavenderhoney · 21/05/2015 20:17

Idiot. And amazingly rude. Though my mil was rather surprised at my red haired ds, and his bright blue eyes:) she was much much ruder. Ds also has pale skin and is very striking - he likes it:)

Ignore the fool and look for a new job whilst on maternity leave.

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