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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

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Original poster

I was unreasonable and I don't care.

33 replies

D0oinMeCleanin · 21/05/2015 11:13

Dd1's school trip needed paying for today. I've already paid the deposit. The balance needed paying for.

I carefully planned the week we were going to pay the balance to be 'no bill week', I would have enough to pay the balance, do our usual food shop and then have about £30 left over.

That was until I got sent home ill from work, with no pay (that's a whole other thread, my boss royally takes the piss out of zero hours contracts. He just gave me zero hours for the week I was sick)

I had to ask ex to contribute to the school trip. Being a complete and utter tit he told me he could not give me cash because he had no guarantee it would be spent on food for the children and not "animals, fags and drink" so he told me he'd pay for an online shop for me.

He wanted to go into the 'my favourites' bit and just buy my usual weekly shop for me, however I don't shop online so there was no favourites. I had to tell him what I normally buy.

Obviously we always buy lots of berries from the grocers at the top of the street when they're going off and lots of seafood because dd2 doesn't eat meat or fish and I frequently use 4 different kinds of disinfectant for various areas around the house bleach, I use bleach and washing liquid for almost everything

The children each like a different cereal each and I don't like cereal, I eat seeded bread and tuna for breakfast I don't eat breakfast. Of course the children only like white bread.

I now have more berries, bread, cereal and disinfectant than I'd usually use in a month.

Smoothie anyone? The blender has just been sterilised

OP posts:

electionfatigue · 21/05/2015 11:15

Why didn't he pay the balance of the trip direct to the school?

Fudgeface123 · 21/05/2015 11:15

Do you have a history of spending money when you shouldn't, why can't he pay the school trip contribution directly to the school if you do?

FlaviaAlbia · 21/05/2015 11:16

Maybe I'm missing something but couldn't he have just given the school the money?

He does sound a complete and utter tit with that comment though.

Original poster

D0oinMeCleanin · 21/05/2015 11:17

I have no clue, election, I did ask him to do that.

They have an online payment system too, but he "doesn't trust it"

I didn't want the balance paying, just the cost of my usual food shop, which is around £30. I had the money for the trip, just nothing left for food for the week.

His twatishness worked in my favour for once.

OP posts:

fattymcfatfat · 21/05/2015 11:18

ooh that reminds me I need to use up my cherries smoothies for the kids later

but yeah, why wouldn't he just pay the school fir the trip if he was that bothered?

KittensOnAPlane · 21/05/2015 11:19

he's a controlling knob - enjoy your smoothies!!

(could he pay the school?)

curlyweasel · 21/05/2015 11:19

In that case, you weren't BU IMO. He sounds like a right spanner.

The5DayChicken · 21/05/2015 11:24

Do you not think your approach is a bit grabby? He was concerned you would spend cash on yourself so you fleece him. It's bad enough when it's just one parent fuelling the fire.

WaferInMyCoffee · 21/05/2015 11:28

Good work, OP, if he is going to be a controlling weirdo then you might as well get something nice from it!!

Zero hours contracts are awful, I feel for you xxx

FlaviaAlbia · 21/05/2015 11:31

Fair enough then, enjoy your seafood and fruit bonanza not together obviously

Feminine · 21/05/2015 12:07

Is your budget £30 for the week? Did l read that correctly? :)

Feminine · 21/05/2015 12:08

No, l see l got that wrong.
Sorry.

Original poster

D0oinMeCleanin · 21/05/2015 12:39

Femine, our usual supermarket shop does usually come to around £30, but that's not our entire grocery budget. I shop about a lot.

OP posts:

Feminine · 21/05/2015 13:21

I'm impressed. :)
How many of you?

TTWK · 21/05/2015 13:28

Do you have animals? If so, why, if money is so tight you struggle to meet the cost of a school trip?

Ps. I like animals, but fortunately I can easily afford them and pay for important stuff

Justusemyname · 21/05/2015 13:32

He's going to want that paid back. Anyone who is a twat as you say isn't going to buy you more than you need for a week and not bill you for it.

Original poster

D0oinMeCleanin · 21/05/2015 13:55

There are 3 of us, Feminine.

I usually only get the store cupboard basics and packed lunch stuff from the supermarket.

Pet food is bought in bulk online. Cleaning supplies from wherever they are cheapest at the time (usually Wilkos or Home Bargains) and fresh meat, veg and fish from local grocers, allotments, butchers and fish mongers (and sometimes kindly fishermen I come across when walking the dogs). I tend to buy what's cheap/in season/on offer at the time. We're also lucky in that we eat at relatives a couple of times a week, which drastically reduces our food budget.

Obviously I didn't explain all of this to ex

I do think it was another of his control freaky weirdo issues. He knew if I had to pay for all of the school trip from my bank/savings then I'd have nothing left of my own for the week, whereas if he'd paid the school I'd have had money of my own left to do with as I pleased once I'd paid the remaining amount for the trip.

He has a mistaken belief that I am buying dd2 a budgie for her birthday, which will be where the spending money on animals comment came from.

I suppose it is grabby but he paid £0 for the last school trip, which was £260. This one is £220, by the time he applied his loyalty points and discount codes he'd scoured the web for the food shop cost him £45. He's already told me he is expecting my aunt to buy dd1 whatever clothes she may need to take because she earns about £100k more than him, so why should he pay, when she can

She is indeed on a high wage, she is also childless and has no responsibility to dd1.

I feel my taking the piss with the shopping was justified even if it was spiteful and grabby.

OP posts:

Gobbolinothewitchscat · 21/05/2015 14:01

Oh dear.

Does he pay maintenance? I think you need some kind of regulated agreement with him regarding finances. Worst case scenario, a court order. This is not in anyone's best interests - least of all the DC

Feminine · 21/05/2015 14:01

Don't worry about him.
Your budgeting skills are awesome. :)

flora717 · 21/05/2015 14:02

He expects your aunt to buy clothes for his daughter . Wow!

Original poster

D0oinMeCleanin · 21/05/2015 14:12

He sometimes pays £50 a month, Gobbolino.

I do normally get this, but on a couple of occasions he has spent it on clothes or shoes for the dc instead, whether needed or not. He has a major strop about the fact that I smoke and have pets and doesn't think he should have to pay anything while this is happening, although he does, more often than not, reluctantly hand over the cash. The standing order I keep asking for still has not been set up.

The agreement was £50 a month and "fair contributions" towards unusual expenses such as school trips, costumes for x,y and z etc.

I normally don't ever ask him for contributions to things. Usually we manage well, but with losing my grandad, being ill and my boss shutting up and giving every one 0 hours for 2 weeks all happening within the last 3 months, I'm not as on top of finances as I usually am.

flora, my aunt frequently buys clothes for my children. She likes treating them and does have a high disposable income. She will often offer to take the children shopping for school trips or parties, she's not, however, obliged to do this of course and I would never rely on it happening. I always make sure I am able to provide them with what they need and if she does offer to buy them, then it's a nice surprise.

Ex appears to believe because she's bought them things for trips in the past she should buy for this one.

OP posts:

glenthebattleostrich · 21/05/2015 14:18

D0oin, having lurked on your threads for a while I share your joy! Your ex is an utter cockwomble.

curlyweasel · 21/05/2015 14:23

Jesus wept. I'd be CSA/CMA all the way with that x

Tanith · 21/05/2015 14:24

Of course, if he had ever done his share of the cooking and cleaning, he'd know this wasn't your typical weekly shop, wouldn't he?

He has only himself to blame...

YouTheCat · 21/05/2015 14:25

£50 a month for two children sounds very low. Dp pays nearly £300 for his two and he's not on a high wage.

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