I was unreasonable and I don't care.

[D0oinMeCleanin]

Dd1's school trip needed paying for today. I've already paid the deposit. The balance needed paying for.

I carefully planned the week we were going to pay the balance to be 'no bill week', I would have enough to pay the balance, do our usual food shop and then have about £30 left over.

That was until I got sent home ill from work, with no pay (that's a whole other thread, my boss royally takes the piss out of zero hours contracts. He just gave me zero hours for the week I was sick)

I had to ask ex to contribute to the school trip. Being a complete and utter tit he told me he could not give me cash because he had no guarantee it would be spent on food for the children and not "animals, fags and drink" so he told me he'd pay for an online shop for me.

He wanted to go into the 'my favourites' bit and just buy my usual weekly shop for me, however I don't shop online so there was no favourites. I had to tell him what I normally buy.

Obviously we always buy lots of berries from the grocers at the top of the street when they're going off and lots of seafood because dd2 doesn't eat meat or fish and I frequently use 4 different kinds of disinfectant for various areas around the house bleach, I use bleach and washing liquid for almost everything

The children each like a different cereal each and I don't like cereal, I eat seeded bread and tuna for breakfast I don't eat breakfast. Of course the children only like white bread.

I now have more berries, bread, cereal and disinfectant than I'd usually use in a month.

Smoothie anyone? The blender has just been sterilised

The problem with "fair contributions" is the vagueness. It relies on good faith by both parties when negotiating that and it needs to be negotiated every time.

I don't think that's workable here - even in very amicable splits both parties, understandably, want surety as to their financial commitments and income.

I think you need to contact the CSA (as was)

I recognise your name and I think you were remarkedly restrained considering what he's put you through. You didn't think of adding that your dc need lobster on Fridays due to a new religion they've taken up, and dc1 needs a brang new ipad for school did you?

I had to be restrained, DeeWe, he's not as daft as he likes people to think he is.

He did the online shop in my home, in front of dd2, who is honest to a fault. I had to justify everything I added to the basket by telling him what meal it would be used for.

I had to think of expensive things we do eat fairly often, but maybe not all in the same week and certainly not all bought at the supermarket or dd2 would bound to have piped up "But mum, we never eat caviar on a sunday"

Do you not think your approach is a bit grabby?

Ffs!
The op is a single mum with 2 children on a zero hours contract and her ex gives her £50 a month! It is hardly grabby to expect their father to contribute! I think a formal agreement works much better than having to go cap in hand and ask for money when its needed and have to justify your spending.

well done OP! YWNBU at all

OP has to be 'grabby' with this dipshit

have you been through CSA or whatever it is now?

CMS innit - surely they'd mandate more than £50 a month? Unless ex is on minimum wage?

Am aghast at the suggestion your aunt should pay. I met somebody rich once - shall I go and ask them to pay off my mortgage, because they can? Actually it does sound like something XH would have suggested. He's the idiot one who said because my sister's friend had a BMW in which he gave us a lift to the airport for our holiday, "BMW man" could drive me to the station for work every day too. But then XH is as daft as people think he is.

Ex is on not much more than minimum wage. CMS calculator says they'd make him pay just over £80pm. We agreed £50 and fair contributions to extra expenses to cover the missing £30. He also bought me an oven on his credit acc to pay back the 6-7 months he paid nothing. Clearly we both have different ideas on the meaning of fair.

Dd1 is not his biologically so he argues he has no legal responsibility to her, CAB advised otherwise and told me as dd1 lived with him between the ages of 10 months old and 10 years old and for all intents and purposes was his child in all but DNA he does have a responsibility to her and if I decided to go to CMS they probably would look into whether he should pay for her and find in my favour.

Even so for dd2 alone he should be paying just over £80pm.

Dd2 will be doing these trips shortly. I might offer to give him £45 worth of shopping and he can pay the rest.