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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

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Original poster

it's normal to get upset about a fictional rape of a young woman right

58 replies

agentEgypt · 19/05/2015 13:58

Was watching a certain fantasy TV show last night where it is obviously fictitious but still I couldn't help but start crying when a young woman was raped in it.

DH couldn't understand it at all kept telling me its just make believe, that i obviously know. I've never been a victim of SA but still, I felt so upset even though I know its not real as I'm sure the same has happened in real life for many.

I'm totally normal right?

OP posts:

BeyondDoesBootcamp · 19/05/2015 17:39

I didnt cry, and im ridiculously overemotional and cry at everything. I have cried at WWE. but of course it isnt abnormal to cry at an upsetting scene.

I will say here, as i did on the other thread - anyone who thinks s&£@- had a tough time has forgotten what happened to jeyne in the book

sanfairyanne · 19/05/2015 17:40

the got book was really really horrible

ifgrandmahadawilly · 19/05/2015 17:42

YANBU. It troubled me too. To the point where I lay awake thinking about it for a bit last night. It reminded me of my mother who experienced something similar when she was young. It would have been very, very difficult to watch with her.

Part of me feels as though it's wrong to use serious issues like rape as entertainment fodder, but then I think most issues explored on tv will affect someone in that way, won't they? And isn't it sort of the point that a characters story resonates with you?

ijustwanttobeme · 19/05/2015 18:05

The rape scene in This is England 1986 affected me terribly. That was on TV four years ago and even now makes me upset.

I can't stand the hipster beardy look at the moment, as it just reminds me of that scene.

FujimotosElixir · 19/05/2015 21:19

This is England rape scene was quite shocking for me too kinda came from nowhere.

duplodon · 19/05/2015 21:28

When the psychoanalyst was raped in The Sopranos I shook violently and couldn't get it out of my head. The scene in Once Upon a Time in America traumatised me for a long time as a young girl, I had nightmares about it.

behindthescentedcandless · 19/05/2015 21:32

The rape scene in "showgirls" shocked me horribly.

5YearsTime · 19/05/2015 21:37

The lovely bones did this to me too,

I stopped GofT last season when Joffrey was sent the two prostitutes and had one rape another with a huge object. Still makes me sick to my stomach.

Mumoftwoyoungkids · 19/05/2015 21:57

If you are not at least a little upset / affected by some of the very very upsetting things that are on the telly then either

The writer is crap

2 The actors are crap 3 The director is crap 4 You score low on empathy tests

Having said that the thing that convinced me to test when ttc ds was the tears I couldn't stop when one whiny hopeful with a decent sob story made it to the second day of boot camp on the X Factor.

CheesyDibbles · 19/05/2015 22:20

5years - The Lovely Bones reduced my DH to a blubbering wreck. He still hasn't forgiven me as it was his birthday, and I suggested we watch it. Not sure what I was thinking!

UsedtobeFeckless · 19/05/2015 23:03

DP was in floods at the begining of The Lion King. He didn't even make it through the titles!

BoyFromTheBigBadCity · 19/05/2015 23:28

Agree that if rape doesn't upset you at all I'd find that worrying. I cried my eyes out at Philomena (sp?) And I only know 1 person who is adopted and no one fro that situation (that I know of).

TheCatsFlaps · 20/05/2015 00:13

I know how your DP feels UsedtobeFeckless, it has me in floods every time.

Sanityseeker75 · 20/05/2015 11:50

Why, for example, do we not see male rape on telly? Have you watched Sons of Anarchy? Very upsetting rape scene of one of the female characters but worse was the rape scene of two of the male characters - kept thinking about it for weeks.

Haven't watched GOT this week yet but admit I am a bit of a junkie

Bair · 20/05/2015 13:00

YANBU.

What really pisses on my chips is that the rape scenes are deviations from the book. I like GRRM. He writes women well in my personal opinion.

I was pissed off in season one where Drogo raped Dany. Although I'd never argue that a 13 year old who was sold by her brother could properly consent the written scene showed Drogo as gentle and asking for consent through a language barrier.

I don't watch it anymore. Just read the books.

I remember being upset by the rape scene in Rob Roy, DH was too. It was brutal.

poorbuthappy · 20/05/2015 13:03

Bair - so are the rape scenes in the books?

If not, then why the hell are they there?

MorrisZapp · 20/05/2015 13:06

I haven't cried for four years, since being on anti depressants. It's very odd - I miss crying?

I remember full on sobbing, with the tears going in my ears in bed. I can't imagine doing that just now.

YANBU, crying is normal.

ASorcererIsAWizardSquared · 20/05/2015 13:09

the only one i've ever felt compelled to complain about was the Silent Witness one a couple of years back where they showed the police man violently abusing a criminal with his truncheon in a toilet cubicle

The beeb actually issued a public apology about that one!

Mrsjayy · 20/05/2015 13:11

I think your reaction was normal you are supposed to be shocked , I remember watching this is England a character was sexually assaulted by her father it stayed with me for days after watching it.

5Foot5 · 20/05/2015 13:22

I didn't cry but I was quite shocked and upset by the scene - poor girl has been through enough.

I think it worth pointing out that they didn't actually show the rape. You know it is taking place because of cries from Sansa and Theon's distress as he is made to watch.

Icimoi I always lose it in that scene at the end of The Railway Childrem. Just thinking about it can make me well up.

RedRugNoniMouldiesEtc · 20/05/2015 13:35

I don't watch GoT so can't comment on that scene but I think it's pretty normal to be upset. I also think we are less upset by torture scenes and so on because we are conditioned by so much violence on t.v. rape scenes are more rare (thankfully).

I recently watched The Colour Purple again (for the hundredth time probably) it still makes me cry, marital rape, child rape (implied not shown) the abuse of children, women, black people and the complete acceptance by the main character because she'd die soon anyway so why fight it. .. all has me sobbing. I've never experienced any of that but the film maker was good enough that the scenarios hit my empathy button. personally I think it is healthy to react to things that are upsetting by being upset. being in touch with your feelings and the feelings of those you are exposed to is good!

BeyondDoesBootcamp · 20/05/2015 14:09

poorbuthappy - spoilers

In the books, the three examples that i can think of...

1
Drogo had 'consenting' gentle sex with his new wife, 13 year old dany. In the programme, they removed the age issue but made it rougher. Can see why they did this.

2
Jamie and cersei have sex on the floor of the church after joff dies, it comes across as a comfort thing, he is their son. Programme made it rapey, bad decision here i think.

3
This time. Ramsey does rape his wife, as well as locking her up and worse abusive stuff that i wont type here as there is no need. His wife just isnt sansa, she is a minor character called Jeyne. I see why, they are taking out unneccesary characters.
Apparently rape is worse when its an important and likeable woman though, so i'm at the reaction tbh (from the people who moan about it compared to the book, that is.)

ofshoes · 20/05/2015 14:16

I find it really difficult to watch scenes like this, sexual violence is always far more upsetting than the regular ordinary violence on TV. Possibly because it's so much less fantastical and all too real.

There's a reason that I'll never watch Irreversible

EmeraldThief · 20/05/2015 14:17

YANBU.

I was really upset by Anna's rape in Downton Abbey, even though we didn't actually see anything.

DragonWithAGirlTattoo · 20/05/2015 14:21

I find it hard to see a difference between the rape and the removal of Theons penis, or the flaying of his hands, and the breaking of his character.... (obviously there are differences, what I mean is in the damage to the person affected etc)

Wheres the outcry at that? I know Theon was an arse, and Sansa is only guilty of being a bit spoilt - but is there no outcry because he is male? Where are the 100s of thread/comments on facebook about the needless violence to Theon?

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