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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

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Original poster

To think there’s nothing wrong with buying baby stuff second-hand?

111 replies

Sansarya · 19/05/2015 09:45

A woman in my office is pregnant and we were having a chat about baby clothes and toys etc. I said that she could get some good bargains on eBay or at NCT Nearly New Sales, as small babies grow out of stuff so quickly.

Another woman in the office overheard our conversation and piped up to express her disgust at this. She made a face and said she’d never buy second-hand stuff for her baby (hypothetical at this point) and that she had plenty of friends and family to give presents to her baby. She is from a fairly well off family so I’m not sure she’s ever really had to worry about the cost of things and I don’t think it was nice of her to sneer.

Unless of course I’m missing something and there’s something hugely wrong with buying baby clothes from ebay or at an NNS? I got DS quite a few things from there when he was younger. Obviously it’s different when they’re older and more mobile as the clothes have more wear and tear etc, but the stuff I bought him was as good as new!

OP posts:

JoanHickson · 19/05/2015 18:47

I had nothing second hand as a child and don't look down on those that do. I just like new clothes in general for many reasons. I also put no price on safety for my dc and their carseat/pram/cot and so on needed to be new so I knew they were safe as could be. I don't judge others on their choice, they are mine and I am happy with those choices.

Original poster

Sansarya · 19/05/2015 19:42

Well, those items are a bit different to clothes and toys. I certainly wouldn't buy a second hand car seat!

OP posts:

Giraffe2706 · 20/05/2015 07:59

Didn't realise there was a link between SIDS and second hand mattresses, will be buying a new one then.

LaLaLaaaa · 20/05/2015 08:07

I've bought loads of stuff 2nd hand for my baby - bouncer worth £50 for £15, mamas and papas cot bed £275 from shop I got for £40! Excellent condition!

Only things I've insisted on new are mattresses, car seat and buggy. Buggy only coz I want one!! Others for safety.

Got loads of clothes bundles from friends which are lovely and things like baby bath from friends.

Why do you need a brand new baby bath? It's lovely to have new stuff but babies grow quickly, I think it's much better to do a mixture

Seffina · 20/05/2015 08:14

Meh, it's her problem. More second hand stuff for the rest of us. And if it's a hypothetical baby, she probably has no idea how the costs add up.

Christelle2207 · 20/05/2015 08:16

I would have wanted to punch her in the face. I could afforded all new stuff for DS1 but got much of it second hand, though he got loads new as gifts.
I also got a 2nd hand breast pump on ebay, didn't occur to me that there was anything wrong with doing that TBH.

BlueBananas · 20/05/2015 08:30

I do wonder why on MN it's not ok to dislike second hand things, but it is encouraged to mock people who want to buy all new, even saying things like "I would've wanted to punch her in the face"

If someone wants to dress their baby in things that have been pooped on by 5 or 6 other babies, that's their prerogative
If someone doesn't, then that's fine too surely?!

Felinealarmclock · 20/05/2015 08:36

she had plenty of friends and family to give presents to her baby

Well doesn't she sound nice. lucky her. I have no family (care leaver) and would have been pretty upset by this.

I think the only possible answer that wouldn't get you fired for punching her in her smug face is to say: "How nice for you."

Christelle2207 · 20/05/2015 08:49

Bluebananas
Yes it's a parents' prerogative and I don't judge anyone that chooses to get all new stuff for their child. And
I completely "get" why you would want some new things for your dc-
I felt very lucky that my parents
Wanted to buy DS a new pram
For example.

However the woman is bloody ignorant for suggesting that it's not ok for other mums to use second hand stuff if they choose. The amount of stuff that ends up in landfill is an absolute disgrace. I

JoanHickson · 20/05/2015 09:40

The things you buy second hand were new once. I give to charity I don't chuck things in land fill. I buy new as someone else said one reason being I know it is family body fluids what they are and how they were washed. I don't deserve a punch in the face.

Nicknacky · 20/05/2015 09:49

I bought all new and mainly do for my second. The only pre-used items I have are ones that I used with my first, I don't buy second hand and I make no apology for it.

Good on those that do and I have no criticism for them but it does seem to be fair game to critisise those that buy new. (Internally wetting themselves, wanting to punch in the face, wasting money etc).

I don't see buying my kids new clothes as wasting money. I just see it as clothing them. If no one bought new then there would be no second hand to hand down.

Hare5260 · 20/05/2015 09:57

Christ on a bike, we've spent nearly £20k on getting pregnant, would that we could afford brand new stuff for baby!
Nursery furniture (beautiful Mamas and Papas set) - £350 from eBay, lots and lots of newborn and 0-3 also from eBay, second hand bouncing chair from best friend, travel cot from eBay. Pretty much the only things we won't be buying second hand are the cot mattress and the car seat!

Of course my younger sister who has next to no money has declared that her pfb will not be having any of our hand-me-downs....

hibbledibble · 20/05/2015 10:00

There is absolutely nothing wrong with second hand, except for items where it is advised against (car seats and mattresses).

Dd2 has virtually nothing new, but I know it makes no difference to her.

Christelle2207 · 20/05/2015 10:21

To clarify, I have no intention of punching anyone on this thread.

No issue with people preferring to buy new, and of course if no new stuff was bought there would be no second hand market. Everyone wants some new stuff for their child surely, including me whose DS2 could probably grow up entirely with DS1's stuff if he had to.

What winds me up is people that judge other parents' decisions to buy second hand. OP- YANBU, nothing wrong with it at all.

PurpleCrazyHorse · 20/05/2015 10:30

Second-hand or not, it's her rudeness that irks me. If you have the money for new and want to buy new, then go ahead. Some of us either have to buy second-hand or choose to, doesn't really matter to the baby!

We bought some things new and some things second-hand for DD, same with (soon to be here) DS. He actually has a new buggy but he will be wearing hand me down nappies (DD had some new and some second-hand so he will be wearing some his sister wore and some now third-hand).

DottyStripes · 20/05/2015 10:31

Some things no you can't buy second hand - car seats (unless you absolutely know history such as its your sisters and still in its use by date and you've had it checked by a professional that it fits your car) or mattresses (unless it's still wrapped)

Some things just seem a bit grim to buy second hand but as long as you sterilise it won't do any harm - bottles, teats (I personally would want to buy new)

And some things it's probably healthier to buy second hand for the environment and the baby as flame retardants etc will be less potent if they've seen a few washes such as pushchairs and slings or bouncy chairs. But then you don't have any garantuee if something goes wrong so it really depends how much you save as to if its sensible or not.

And most parents think they must buy new for their pfb, I certainly did... Until he was 2 weeks old and had outgrown everything already! Suddenly the idea of 2nd hand baby clothes made perfect sense!

I never bought 2nd hand cuddly toys but usually still buy 2nd hand toys and books I can Milton before first play

I think you need the actual pfb before you suddenly realise it's not people being tight, it's people having common sense when they buy 2nd hand

PurpleCrazyHorse · 20/05/2015 10:32

Of course we bought a new car seat for DD (will be re-using for DS) and always buy new mattresses for cribs & cots. The mattresses aren't expensive and are a small price to pay to reduce the SIDS risk.

wibbleywee · 20/05/2015 10:41

Its up to the individual but personally I would never dress my children in second hand clothes unless they had been unworn with tags on. I do not want my children in contact with clothes that other people have pooed and peed on. That it my choice and I undestand some people ma6 disagree but you can't judge people for their opinions, although she should have probably been a little nicer about it!

Original poster

Sansarya · 20/05/2015 10:49

Just out of curiosity, those of you who say you’d accept hand-me-downs from family or friends but wouldn’t buy from ebay or nearly new sales – what’s the difference there? Poo and wee are the same, regardless of whether you know the baby of not, and if you put them in a hot wash once you’re at home then what’s the problem?

OP posts:

Stinkersmum · 20/05/2015 10:49

Dotty so you have no common sense if you buy new stuff for your pfb? I don't know anyone who thinks they must buy new for the pfb. I know plenty that want to though.

ArcheryAnnie · 20/05/2015 10:53

I used a ton of secondhand stuff when my DS was a baby. I actively liked it (though I initially did it for cost reasons) because the clothes were lovely and soft (having already been washed), still in excellent nick, and as well as all the standard babygros, etc, I ended up with some much more interesting clothes than what was available right at that second in mothercare and M&S. I was quite sad to stop going to NCT sales when DS got too bog for their clothes, though the last things that were on sale in his size there were lovely soft pyjamas.

If your colleague wants to buy all new, spend her money and dress her hypothetical baby in the same stuff everyone else is buying, fair enough. But you do what you want, and secondhand is fine.

ArcheryAnnie · 20/05/2015 10:54

*big, not bog...

DottyStripes · 20/05/2015 10:55

Stinkersmum - nice of you to jump but no that's not what I said at all. I was expressing that it becomes common sense once you realise how quickly you go through stuff and how expensive it is.

Not that people who buy new have no common sense. For those who can afford all new and don't feel too strongly about the environmental impact then it's neither here nor there.

In theory I was going to buy all new with pfb, in practice it was common sense to start buying second hand when I realised how fast he grew and how expensive it would be to carry on

ArcheryAnnie · 20/05/2015 10:55

Though, yes, new mattresses, new cot (as didn't know anyone selling one on) and new carseat, all for obvious safety reasons.

wibbleywee · 20/05/2015 11:04

dottiestripes - 'dont feel strongly about environmental impact' how does that work if you sell your new stuff on to other people who arent that bothered about second hand? Afterall someone has to buy new at some point... Typical judgemental post

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