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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

To feel broody at 40

41 replies

FlourishingMrs · 18/05/2015 23:36

Divorced, been with DP 4 years, he has no DC and I have two, 20 and 10. We stopped using protection 5 months ago. Is it unreasonable to feel broody. He is a great DP and my DC really like him. I feel he will regret not having his own, Although we did not have a lets make babies chat, w discussed comming off the pill.He assures me if I got pregnant we will have the DC.
Should I?

OP posts:
EatShitDerek · 18/05/2015 23:38

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

WorraLiberty · 18/05/2015 23:42

Wait a minute.

You both either want a child or you don't?

You both need to decide for sure, but until you do you both need to use contraception surely?

JoanHickson · 18/05/2015 23:52

You are old enough to have an adult conversation about this, have it.

Original poster
FlourishingMrs · 20/05/2015 04:13

We have and DP is fine with the decision either way, he understands the magnitude of the decision on my body and my DC's who will be excited by the way.the final decision is mine.

OP posts:
ItsRainingInBaltimore · 20/05/2015 04:25

He assures me if I got pregnant we will have the DC.

Well that's very decent of him, but is he aware that once you are PG he actually has no real say in the matter? Grin

Of course you are not being unreasonable. It sounds as if you both want a child together, so have one. But I agree with Worra, you sound a bit indecisive about it, as though you stopped taking the BC first and starting considering a baby second.

Annabannbobanna · 20/05/2015 04:30

I can't imagine spending nearly 40 years bringing up children. Maybe you are bored not broody?

ArsenalsPlayingAtHome · 20/05/2015 06:05

I'm 40 with 4DCs. I would hate to be pregnant.

My youngest is 5. Sleepless nights and nappy bags and being constantly needed are a distant memory. I love the ages of my DCs now, and I loved their baby stages, obviously, but no way could I go back to being pregnant, or having a baby.

Now is a golden time for me, I'm needed less, they are all interesting people who are fun to be with. DH and I have a bit more time for each other.

Each to their own, though.

propelusagain · 20/05/2015 06:22

I became pregnant at 40, ( my firat was 2 years old). I found it a breeze. But then I am fit and healthy.

How old is your OH?

Stopandlook · 20/05/2015 06:33

I had my last at 40, loved it the most out of all of them. If you're both fit for the months of broken nights, could be the best thing you've ever done. If you need sleep - think again!

Stopandlook · 20/05/2015 06:34

When I say 'it' I mean the experience, not the DC....!

propelusagain · 20/05/2015 06:39

I can't say I have ever found sleep an issue. Even when I was breastfeeding my baby every two hours though the night. As long as yiou get enough sleep in 24 hours it doesn't matter if it is broken or not.

LikeIcan · 20/05/2015 06:43

I wouldn't plan to get pregnant at 40 as I feel it is too old - but if it happened I'd probably be quite happy.
Just go for it Smile

propelusagain · 20/05/2015 06:45

Not too old at all.

Ledkr · 20/05/2015 07:10

I had dd at 44. I already had 4 but DH had none.
He said was not bothered if we didn't have any but he absoluteky dotes on her. Watching how happy she makes him is worth all the extra work. He's very hands on tho as he understands ive been doing this a long time Grin

Rebecca2014 · 20/05/2015 07:22

In your situation no I wouldn't want to start all over again. Surely you want enjoy your freedom at this age?

fanjoforthemammaries7850 · 20/05/2015 07:22

It's really not up to us. ..

madreloco · 20/05/2015 09:25

IT's not your age thats the problem, its the casual manner in which you have decided to maybe get pregnant with someone who hasn't given any indication of actually wanting children. You haven't even properly discussed it.
Your age is only pertinent because I'd have thought that by 40 you'd have more sense.

Original poster
FlourishingMrs · 22/05/2015 01:02

Wow madreloco, that's very rich when you don't even know me or asked any questions, for the record I am a very successful person, can support my children with or without a man.

I can hire a nanny if I wanted to. my DP is the best man a know, He is very good with my kids, which is what is making me broody, I know he will be a great dad.

When we met I had decided me baby days were over, he knew and accepted this. As the years are rolling by, I feel he is missing out on having at least on of his own. Being the responsible man he is, he will not pressure me into having a baby because I was clear when we got together. Now I find myself desiring another one, but I we are both 40 this year which I have heard can be an issue. we are both athletic, slim and healthy.

I am not bored Anna, I manage a team of 130 keeps me on my toes. Thank you everyone for sharing your thoughts.

OP posts:
Glittery7 · 22/05/2015 08:30

I'm curious as to the massive gap between your children. 10 years! Different dads? Not that it's at all relevant, just wondered...

Eva50 · 22/05/2015 08:49

It's not just the having a baby and the first few weeks, lack of sleep, feeding etc. that's the easy bit. It's the baby groups. It's revisiting the toddler years, the seven years of primary school, parents evenings, homework, after school activities, swimming lessons (parental taxi service). And that's in the best case scenario. Whilst you should never let these things put you off they should involve a lot of thought from you both.

Ds3 was born when I was 42. Do I regret it? No, he's wonderful. Would I make the same choice again knowing what I know now? Probably not.

PacificDogwood · 22/05/2015 08:51

Of course YANBU to consider having a baby.

There's no arguing with biology, but many, many women have healthy children in their 40s - get informed and go for it if it is what you want to do.

I know a woman who had 3 DDs with 10 gaps each - she loved that.
I had all my DCs late in life, DS4 aged 44.

Good luck!

ohtheholidays · 22/05/2015 09:02

It's not unreasonable to feel broody at all at 40 Smile

A guy I went to school with has just had his first child( a little girl)and they are over the moon,he turned 40 this year his wife is 38.

I've just turned 40 today and I still feel broody sometimes and we have 5DC,we can't have any more because of my health.But If I was well enough we would of had more children.

A few of my friends are in the same situation as yourself(had children from a previous relationship)and some of them have gone on to re-marry and had more children and are all very happy.
One friend fell pregnant with twins when she was nearing 38 and her older children are nearing the age of leaving home.But I've never seen her so happy!

Myself and my DH,I already had 4DC,my DH is 7 years younger than me.We had our little girl DD7 when I was 33 and he was 26.Before he met me he'd always been undecided about having children.But then we got together and he fell in love with the children and was an amazing Father to them all from the start.We weren't trying for our LO,she just happened.But none of us would ever be without her,her 3 big brothers and her big sister Love her more than anything in the world.She is an amazing little girl,she makes everyone smile and myself,DH,our 4 older DC and all our family and friends are really pleased that we had her.

bunchoffives · 22/05/2015 09:03

It's easy to look at having another with rose-tinted specs mother nature fucking with us again

But the reality can be v hard and pressure what sounds like a presently happy life. Why rock the boat? get a dog

Floggingmolly · 22/05/2015 09:05

You just don't sound sure you want a baby on your own behalf; you've decided that your oh would be missing out by not having one, even though he seems less than enthusiastic about the idea. It's all a bit lukewarm to me...

SnowyPiglet · 22/05/2015 09:24

It's not unreasonable at all to feel broody! I felt exactly the same at your age, I already had one (5 yr old) & had just got divorced. Was so broody I was in tears when I saw other peoples children, but I thought it was too late for another one as I was single. Fortunately I met DH soon after, & we had another child when I was 44. We are so lucky - never, ever regretted it, DH is a wonderful father & so supportive.
Your DP sounds lovely too, & if he's open to the idea, I say go for it. You don't want to be regretting not having another when you get to your 50's. (And don't worry about the age gap, it's fine!)
Also re: negative comments above about baby groups, school homework etc - I LOVED being able to do it all again. Keeps me young! And the older children will probably love it too, and I'm sure will be willing babysitters when the time comes.

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