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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

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Original poster

To feel broody at 40

41 replies

FlourishingMrs · 18/05/2015 23:36

Divorced, been with DP 4 years, he has no DC and I have two, 20 and 10. We stopped using protection 5 months ago. Is it unreasonable to feel broody. He is a great DP and my DC really like him. I feel he will regret not having his own, Although we did not have a lets make babies chat, w discussed comming off the pill.He assures me if I got pregnant we will have the DC.
Should I?

OP posts:

Original poster

FlourishingMrs · 22/05/2015 19:42

Thank you everyone, the big age gap was to sort my career out, they love each other, they each have had a chance to be an only child but have the benefit of having a sibling, non of the handing down toys, clothes etc which can make some middle children feel second best. Not all children feel that of course. The age has worked really well for us.

I am pleased for the biological assurances because age was putting me off. Some of the best friends I have made have been through school, so I don't find schools runs etc an issue, maybe because I have always done it to and from work it's just a life style.

Lets see what the bank holiday brings..

OP posts:

HowDoesThatWork · 22/05/2015 21:03

FlourishingMrs,

I am jealous. If I could I would, but those days are past.

Have a good weekend.

madreloco · 22/05/2015 21:13

So what if you can hire a nanny? Asking a crowd if strangers if you should have a baby before asking the potential coparent is idiotic and irresponsible. So since you asked, no, you shouldnt.

FirstWeTakeManhattan · 22/05/2015 21:15

I just had our third DC at 42 and couldn't be happier. I'm much more patient and appreciative as I get older.

I know lots of parents having babies in their forties. It's normal round our way!

Original poster

FlourishingMrs · 23/05/2015 16:09

Thank you first, I think I have decided to just go for it. Thank you everyone for your advice, it has been good to hear the positive outcomes.its good that we are living longer and are healthier than women before us.

Thank you Madreloco for your bitter views, you have clearly missed the point. It's not about DP it's about me as a woman, my age, and child bearing implications.DP will support my decision either way.

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StAlphonsosPancakeBreakfast · 23/05/2015 16:12

Not U at all, as long as you're both happy about the idea (I'm 40, pregnant with my first, and feel great).

madreloco · 23/05/2015 17:39

IT's not about YOU at all. Seriously, could you be any more self-centred? Children are not an accessory to fulfil your desires, and at the very least should be discussed by both of the potential parents, and not just demanded by one of them.

SirVixofVixHall · 23/05/2015 17:57

I've had both my dds in my 40s. I don't have older children, so i can't compare what sort of mother I might have been if I'd had them younger, but my friend has had babies in every decade, her late teens, twenties, thirties, and forties, and the youngest are completely adored by all. She had the last two for the same reasons as you OP, and as an experienced mother she has been very relaxed and enjoyed having little ones again.

Original poster

FlourishingMrs · 23/05/2015 19:29

Thank you SirVixofvixhall, I was having exactly the same thoughts, I had my first at 19, she gave me the drive to work at my career to ensure she had the best in life, she is at a top university as we speak, it was a different experience being a young poor mum to when I had my second,

He come when my business was taking off, I was so busy but he was such a delight to my eldest, we almost co parent, it's a lovely dynamic.

This time I am finiacially and emotionally in the best place I have ever been. I never did coffee mornings etc , was too busy.

I think each child will have a different experience and so will I. I was not stressed at all as a young mum, I took things in my stride, the second time a read too much and tried to be scientific in my parenting.

This time I will go back to being instinctive, all the parenting g theories are just that.. Theory, every child, mum, relationship is unique and should be approached with an open mind.

I have tried all sorts of chilcare options etc. I think I will write a parenting/women in business book or something when I retire. I will need a proof reader though!

OP posts:

Original poster

FlourishingMrs · 23/05/2015 19:37

Madreleco, I am not sure what discussions you expect to be had.DP and I agreed for me to come off contraception(we discussed the decision) He is a learned man who understands the consequences of copulation without contraception.

He is clear that should we get pregnant, he would not want or expect me to have a termination. The only thing for him is that baby or no baby is not a deal breaker for our relationship. Hence the reason I have the final say. I thank you for your comments and I wish you well.

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SirVixofVixHall · 23/05/2015 19:56

I don't understand the need for earnest discussions anyway? You are both adults who know that not using contraception= a baby most likely. No-one is being deceived. maybe your DH worries that if you plan it, then it might not happen, and then it would be a disappointment. Whereas a "not use anything and see what the fates bring us" is a more relaxed approach. You both seem perfectly happy with that, so I hope you do have another baby. Good luck! Early 40s is often a very fertile time, so it could be sooner than you think!

madreloco · 23/05/2015 22:21

Well, if you want to treat creating a new person as casually as what to cook for dinner, thats up to you. Most of us tend to be a bit more responsible about such huge decisions, but I guess we can't all be responsible parents.

SirVixofVixHall · 23/05/2015 22:51

I know loads of people who threw caution to the wind and left it to fate. Many of us over 50, pre the pill being in common use, will have been born in similar circs. I don't think my grandparents ever had much dialogue about babies, it was assumed they would have them if they were lucky. If you have a good relationship, and you are in a place where you can love and support a baby, and neither of you is against the idea, then surely that is a fairly normal way to conceive a child? I don't think that is irresponsible at all. It would be irresponsible to be careless if it would be a disaster to get pregnant but that is clearly not the case for the OP.
It is a leap of faith getting pregnant, like falling in love. It isn't something which we have total control over.

Original poster

FlourishingMrs · 25/05/2015 20:42

Thank you Sir, that is exactly our approach, we don't want to turn our intimate time into a military timed operation, if it happens it happens, if it doesn't then so be it.

Funny you mention the common sense approach per pill, DP mentioned this weekend that a bit of mystery and surprise in a relationship can be quite good. He thinks us modern ladies are slowly losing a bit of that. (Within reason of course)

Thank you for your wise words, we will get on the enjoying life and appreciating any gifts along the way.

OP posts:

Stopandlook · 25/05/2015 21:58

Aw good luck - hope you're soon bloomingMrs!

Original poster

FlourishingMrs · 25/05/2015 23:08

Thank you all

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