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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

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Original poster

just confronted school over money and favouring children

93 replies

vodkanchocolate · 18/05/2015 17:37

Not quite sure what response im after by posting this guess just a rant really. Before I start I just want to point out im not bashing anyone or trying to think I know everything regarding circumstances because I fully admit I dont.

My main annoyance tbh is that school have been running an holiday club for key stage 2 children, before Easter my daughter had asked if she could attend this wasnt something I could financially allow her to do the price was something like 45 for a full week or something like that it did sound really good but as I explained I do have 4 other children to fund over the holidays, she kind of understood and left it at that obviously upset her friends were going, when she went back one of her best friends had told her school had paid for her to go, as I explained to dd at time there must be serioous issues why they would do that, and tbh its only the word of a 9 year old. So couple weeks ago they sent home slips to the next holiday club again dd asked to attend she got the same answer, but her father this time offered to pay we took slip to school today to be told its already booked up for year4 children, come out of school and said its not fair because all the same kids are going as last time including this particular girl who apparently bragged she doesnt have to pay for anything to dd (again word of a 9 year old)... This is the 3rd time dd has missed out on extra activities due to me not been able to have money on time this is despite me talking to the school which im fully aware is my own fault (some might say bad parenting) but I know for a fact if on certain benefits school are taking contributions at parents own discretion for things such as trips and even milk and snacks - I just find it really unfare to working low income families who are struggling. Was not long ago I got into debt with school dinner money and the way school made me feel and forced me to put my eldest on packed lunches

I know im probilly been totally ott and coming across as been a total cow, but on way out of school I had a word with the parent worker didnt mention about the holiday club as that tbh is just hear say, but Ive got to pay out for 3 childrens trips to ywp in 3 weeks 15 per child which I know is the going rate so no issue until my neighbourt told me shes only paying 8.00 per child (shes a carer for husband) I have also almost finished paying for my daughters residential we were given a payment plan or 5 per week to pay for it and she seems to think a few of the kids are only paying 2.00 a week. So I just asked her if there is anyway I can spread mt cost of trips as I was struggling to pay it by the deadline and she said only at the heads discretion and wanted to know what i heard about other parents. She seemed pretty understanding and did stress that school have to take a responsibility for vulnerable children, and said if I was honestly struggling I have to arrange to speak to the head, which wont be happening way he made me feel over the school dinner debt, it was like oh you dont qualify for them free see you later sort of attitude!!

I feel a bit silly for saying out but I felt it had to be adressed, we have spoke before about money issues and she offered to go through things with us but if not entitled to anything more than what get not alot they can do tbh but I think it be nice to know if ever we were really stuck the children wouldnt be made to suffer....considering putting my feelings in writing but would it get me anywhere?

Surely im not the oly person who is annoyed by this sort of thing? Its the school im annoyed with not the families in question

OP posts:

bearleftmonkeyright · 18/05/2015 19:27

What happened to your friend repulses me chicken. People who have that attitude have absolutely no business working in a school.

Ineedacleaningfairy · 18/05/2015 19:30

Are you working in the holidays op? If not what childcare are you using? If I were you I would use the money to do some fun things as a family.

SuburbanRhonda · 18/05/2015 19:31

Was about to say the same yellowsun.

We have no extra funds for trips for low income families. But I work with these families and I think it's shit that if you work over 16 hours and get WTC, you then instantly become ineligible for FSM, despite the fact that the WTC may be nowhere near enough to cover the school meal bill.

NormaStits · 18/05/2015 19:31

The ever 6 rule is very unfair towards the working poor. People who are reasonably well off can be PP because of a short period of benefits in the past. Yet low income working families can struggle for years without any input from the PP system because they're always just above the benefit line. It's shit.

OP I do feel for you, it is difficult and unfair how the assistance is doled out. However, and I say this as a parent of 4 kids, if you choose to have a large family, you have to accept that they cost more & might miss out on expensive things. My 4 haven't been on many school trips and we don't do paid clubs but that's just the way it has to be. It is hard when you hear of others being subsidised for it though.

ilovechristmas1 · 18/05/2015 19:32

actually my son would be under the PP and i have never has a subsidy on trips,clubs etc

but i dont have a problem with that as im on benefits ESA,PIP etc and my benefit works out more than if i was working so it's not a problem for me to fund

i do actually think how the funding is spent and distributed needs looking at as their are many working poor on the same income as those on eligible benefits,dosent seem fare that your daughter misses out

Jetgir1 · 18/05/2015 19:38

How pupil premium is spent is totally up to the school but they HAVE to prove it benefits that specific child. My kids school pays for trips for pp kids but not all do. When we were struggling but not on the "right" benefits I spoke to my kids teacher and they were fantastic helping us sort some things out.

SuburbanRhonda · 18/05/2015 19:40

I always wonder why people don't complain about the things you're describing, chicken.

If someone has been unprofessional you should challenge it, not pull your child out of a school they may be happy and thriving in.

ilovechristmas1 · 18/05/2015 19:42

jet so are you saying it has to be spent on that particular child

i really cant see where it has been spent on mine,dosent have extra help at school etc is coasting nicely

im not complaining or looking for funds just curious as to how it works

thanks

Heels99 · 18/05/2015 19:50

Well why aren't you in school asking how I works fgs?

ilovechristmas1 · 18/05/2015 19:54

well as its come up i thought id ask,slaps own wrist

PiperIsTerrysChoclateOrange · 18/05/2015 20:00

I don't know why these holiday clubs can't run in local community centres.

When it's in a school building then I don't see why other children are missing out.

I believe schools should be inclusive of all children, that school trips and clubs should be available for all the pupils.

I can't stand all these residents trips and after school club which excludes the poorest of pupils.

noblegiraffe · 18/05/2015 20:34

Schools have to publish exactly what they spend their pupil premium money on, on their school website. So if you're not sure what it's spent on, just look it up.

Sothisishowitfeels · 18/05/2015 20:43

I would speak to the school tbh in my experience the teachers and school have bent over backwards to make sure that every child gets a fair deal . I don't think they lie awake at night working on evil plans to make life harder

hamiltoes · 18/05/2015 20:45

I believe schools should be inclusive of all children, that school trips and clubs should be available for all the pupils. I can't stand all these residents trips and after school club which excludes the poorest of pupils.

But how do you know OPs situation makes her child one of the poorest of pupils

If there isn't an actual cut off, how do you stop people spending their money on cars, holidays etc, and then complaining to the school they can't afford to send their child to the holiday club?

If the childs family is soley reliant on benefits, then its almost a certainty that they won't have much money to do nice things. If they're not, how does the school know who is genuinely struggling and who is only struggling because they are choosing to spend their money on other things?

wellysrule · 18/05/2015 20:45

I totally see where you are coming from OP.
I'm a single mum, self-employed and working plus getting WTC, CTC, HB and (minimal - and even then it's only just started) maintenance.

DS, 10, has a residential coming up - he'll get the chance to go on it again next year and doesn't want to do it this year anyway (strange situation, he is year 5 but in the year 6 classroom along with 5 other children in his year group, but they get the option to go on the residential).
Anyway, to get to the point. We were chatting about it on the way home the other day and it transpires that a peer also in year 5 but in the year 6 classroom is going along for free. I work bloody hard. I am pretty much skint. But I am frugal and we do make do, absolutely. But apparently this other child has all the wizmo gizmo's under the sun, anything bought for him that he wants etc. But neither of his parents work.
Doesn't seem entirely 'fair'. But I guess that is just the system.

PourquoiTuGachesTaVie · 18/05/2015 20:55

I haven't got anything to add other than I wish pupil premium had been around when I was in school. After my mum died I found a copy of a letter she had written to my head teacher at primary school, literally begging him for help with a school trip. It was so sad to see how she had to grovel just so I could be included in the trip. This was after I had to miss the previous trip because she couldn't afford it and I had to go to lessons with the class in the year below. I still remember how shitty that felt for me, never even thought about how it felt for my mum until I found that letter!

This pupil premium sounds like a godsend for those that need it.

fedupbutfine · 18/05/2015 21:13

do you work yourself, OP?

iolanthefairyqueen · 18/05/2015 21:16

My friend who has no financial problems gets pp for her adopted children.

noblegiraffe · 18/05/2015 21:25

That's because statistically pupils who fit into the pupil premium category do worse academically than those who don't. Obviously there will be some exceptions.

ICantFindAFreeNickName · 18/05/2015 21:34

Schools also get extra funding for adopted from care children and children whose parents are in the services.
I'm shocked by the poster who said her money is returned because they get pupil premium. We have told our pupil premium families that they get free trips, however if they send money in we certainly do not return it, especially from those whose circumstances have improved dramatically.

DeeWe · 18/05/2015 21:44

I think with any scheme that pays for the lowest earners and doesn't pay for others tends to end up with a bottom section which are in the what I would call the "choice section". What I mean by that is that they can find the money, but it means that they don't get something else. For example we paid for our dc's residential and didn't do a family holiday that year. (and we're talking about self catered in UK, not foreign hotel)
We weren't low enough to be able to say that we couldn't afford it and ask for help to pay it, but our pot of money for things like that is limited so in order to pay for it we choose what we aren't having instead.

But I don't begrudge the PP going for those people that need it. Most of the people I know who qualify will pay as much as they possibly can, and usually a bit more to do their share, and hate not being able to afford the whole lot.

Anything that brings children that are in that category a little bit of extra help is positive.

CamelHump · 18/05/2015 21:57

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

hedgehogsdontbite · 18/05/2015 21:57

I don't really understand what you're complaining about. Some children get help with costs which you're not happy about because you're struggling financially. You've asked the school about help with paying for trips and been told it's at the HT discretion and advised to speak to him. You don't want to speak to him about it. Now you want to complain in writing. About what?

missymayhemsmum · 18/05/2015 21:58

You should definitely point out to the school that having a 'first come first served' attitude to opportunities that some families have to budget for is discriminatory.
And ask whether it is possible for the school to set up a bursary scheme so that children from families on low income and under pressure but who don't get pupil premium can avoid being excluded from opportunities. Some schools use 'school fund' income for this. Try and be constructive though.

chickenfuckingpox · 18/05/2015 22:03

she pulled her child out because it was the last in a long line of "remarks" and if you complain its oh well we cant police peoples thinking they were inappropriate to mention it on school grounds we will have a word with them (pat pat) she was having a bad time and once she said she was leaving didn't want to back down i dont think she was proud of her tantrum at all quite embarrassed in fact

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