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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

To be annoyed about this

34 replies

WeeBitChubs · 18/05/2015 14:52

Name changed for this.

I am usually a healthy weight based on bmi, but normally at the higher end of the healthy range (5'8" and between 11 and 11 and a half stone). After having DC1 I have been struggling a bit with my weight (now weigh 12 stone 9 lbs). Purely down to eating all the wrong things (I am working on that) and being inactive (recently started running again and regularly going to exercise classes). I was heavier at one point after being preg (13 stone) and am delighted with the healthy changes I have made, especially being able to run again which I love.

Anyway, I was visiting home recently with my first DC (20 weeks). Was standing chatting to a relative when she suddenly stopped and said:

Relative: "Have you put some weight on old girl?"
Me: "oh maybe"
Relative: "you have I think, across the hips, since I saw you last" (I was heavily pregnant when she saw me last).

Anyway, I sort of smiled (not laughed) it off and we carried on. Later my DC started crying. DC was really tired so I left the lthe living room and went next door to settle DC. Standing rocking DC to sleep and the relative came up behind me, poked me in the back fat, laughed and said:

Relative: "you HAVE put on the beef hahaha"!

Me: "what a nasty thing to say"!
Relative: "oh haha"
Me: "no, horrible, really horrible"
Relative: "don't be so touchy. It's not a nasty thing to say, it's just factual! It's not like I called you an ill-mannered bastard or something"

Anyway, we carried on with no further arguments. Not going to fall out about it, but I am still so annoyed she said it. AIBU / massively over sensitive? Having some other problems atm so don't know if it's just me feeling shit about myself in general and therefore not able to take a joke / comment...

OP posts:
WipsGlitter · 18/05/2015 14:54

Very rude. I nearly walked out of my mums house when I went to visit a cousin who was home from abroad and her first words were "you've put on weight".

MrsNextDoor · 18/05/2015 14:55

I'm 5.6 and weigh 11.6...I want to lose a bit but I'm not fat...just a bit chunky on the hips...so you're NOT that bad at all at 5.8!

As for your relative....she needs to be told ...you did well to call her out on it but if she says such a thing again she needs to be avoided!

MammaTJ · 18/05/2015 14:58

Relative: "don't be so touchy. It's not a nasty thing to say, it's just factual! It's not like I called you an ill-mannered bastard or something"

The correct reply to that would have been 'No, but I would be being factual if I called you that!'.

Golfhotelromeofoxtrot · 18/05/2015 14:59

Mamma^^ has it.

WorraLiberty · 18/05/2015 15:02

Yes, definitely what MammaTJ said!

DancingHat · 18/05/2015 15:03

Just because something is true doesn't mean it has to leave your mouth! I've seen the ugliest looking babies but have always found something nice to say about them. No one wants to hear what they can see for themselves. You're working on losing the weight. Her comments aren't in the slightest bit helpful.

Original poster
WeeBitChubs · 18/05/2015 15:04

Thanks, glad to hear it's not just me! Haha Mamma, why didn't I say that??

OP posts:
LindyHemming · 18/05/2015 15:04

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

donemekmelarf · 18/05/2015 15:09

Extremely rude to comment on a person's appearance..
It's the sort of thing that very young children do. They say what they see but thankfully most grow out of it by the time they reach adulthood.
This ignoramus hasn't grown up.

MrsTedCrilly · 18/05/2015 15:11

Rude bitch! No you are not being sensitive, that's just fucking rude. You've just had a baby! But even if you hadn't it doesn't matter. I think some people just say what they see with no thought involved...

Georgethesecond · 18/05/2015 15:16

It is rude, no doubt about that.

But I think the reason you are overreacting a little is that you know you are fat at the moment and you will feel better once you have shifted it.

Roseformeplease · 18/05/2015 15:22

I feel for you. This was cruel once, but to come back at you again was just plain nasty.

My Mum, not known for her tact or social graces told me (when I was 6 months pregnant and had travelled hundreds of miles to see her). "With an arse the size of yours it is hard to tell if you are carrying the baby at the back or at the front."

AnnaBee36 · 18/05/2015 15:30

Ugh what a horrible bitch of a relative. You've just had a baby for goodness sake, and you've done brilliantly getting back in shape. Show me a woman who doesn't put on weight in pregnancy and then struggle to lose it afterwards. Only awful, unfulfilled people feel the need to point it out and gloat about it.

Original poster
WeeBitChubs · 18/05/2015 15:31

Do you think it was an overreaction George? That's what I was wondering, though I'm glad to see most people haven't said they think it was.

I actually felt quite good about my body (believe it or not) before the visit. I have some weight to lose and need to keep working on fitness, but I was more happy about the positives than upset about the negatives IYSWIM. That's what upset me. I have lost weight and become fitter recently and that makes being slagged off so much more painful. I'm trying to get healthier and thought I was doing a reasonable job.

OP posts:
AnnaBee36 · 18/05/2015 15:55

I wouldn't listen to George - a poster who says 'You know you are fat at the moment' is clearly being a bit rude :) You carry on with what you're doing and don't let the judgement of silly people upset you.

MrsNextDoor · 18/05/2015 16:00

George lol if you think THAT'S fat!

BillyBigchin · 18/05/2015 16:11

I weigh a stone more than the OP and am 4 inches shorter. So by your reckoning George I should just suck up rude comments about the way I look?

Well, thanks Hmm. I feel great at the moment for the same reason as the OP.

OP, you have a five month old baby. I think you can be excused being a bit heavier and anyone who says anything else is an arsehole. It took you nine months to grow a baby, it will take 9 months to get back to where you were or six years as in my caseGrin

Stillyummy · 18/05/2015 16:52

My nan called me fat once. I am a size 8 and 5"10. I called her an evil witch (not to her face). I think some people are just mean.

MrsItsNoworNotatAll · 18/05/2015 16:58

Rude cow!!! Ffs!!

A pp upthread has said it's rude to comment on someone's appearance and I agree. If they can't say something nice they should just keep their traps shut.

Georgethesecond · 18/05/2015 17:11

I know we are all different, but I am also 5 foot 8 and weigh 4 stone less than the OP!

And she said she was trying to lose weight. And the comment is preying on her mind....

Wombat22 · 18/05/2015 17:15

How very rude George

Trooperslane · 18/05/2015 17:17

Cheeky. Fucker.

BurningBridges · 18/05/2015 17:19

Nice relatives. Why don't you want to fall out over it? Do you normally get spoken to like that? It doesn't matter how fat or not fat you are, wtaf has it got to do with them?!

YouTheCat · 18/05/2015 17:21

What is it to them if you've put on a little bit of weight whilst growing a baby for 9 months?

Was it a bloke who said it? Poke them in the belly and say 'when's it due?' Grin

Original poster
WeeBitChubs · 18/05/2015 17:22

I didn't mind tyour comment George but IMHO the word "fat" isn't nice and I wouldn't use it, in the same way I would never call anyone "skinny" for being a little underweight (8 stone 9 and 5'8" is a teensy bit underweight I think, though not as under as I am over, so I can't be throwing any stones in the bmi glass house)! These things are all subjective I guess though and I'm sure you didn't mean to be unkind or insulting.

OP posts:
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