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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

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Original poster

AIBU about birthday party

46 replies

shugfish · 16/05/2015 23:25

Had my daughters 5th birthday party this afternoon. It was a joint party with a close friend who's in the same school class. Joint invitations sent out with both girls names on them. One child brought a present for the other girl but not my daughter. AIBU to be annoyed or just being precious????

OP posts:

avocadotoast · 16/05/2015 23:27

I think you're being precious. You don't invite people to parties to get presents

scarlettsmummy2 · 16/05/2015 23:27

Bit odd, but have had joint invitations in the past where it has said please don't buy for both, just whoever your child is closer to. But equally it isn't really about getting presents is it??

MillionToOneChances · 16/05/2015 23:27

YABU. It's quite common to buy for just the child you're closest friends with. I wouldn't unless specifically asked to, but it's perfectly normal at a joint party. The gift isn't the price of entry.

AtomicDog · 16/05/2015 23:29

one? only one? YABU and a wee bit grabby.

GiddyOnZackHunt · 16/05/2015 23:31

Rejoice at one less bit of sparkly £5 tat!

soapboxqueen · 16/05/2015 23:32

Unless stated in the invite, I think it's rude not to take a gift.

gointothewoods · 16/05/2015 23:33

Precious and unreasonable.

Original poster

shugfish · 16/05/2015 23:34

That's good to know. At present most people including me are buying for both kids at joint parties as their in reception and friendships seem to change on a weekly basis. Sure that may change in future.
Totally agree you don't have parties to get presents.

OP posts:

Iliveinalighthousewiththeghost · 16/05/2015 23:34

No you're not being unreasonable, I knew there'd be someone from the don't be don't be so precious brigade, who'd trot along and say . You don't have a party for you dc's to get presents but if their children were left out they'd be peeved.
Is that child's mother right in the head. How mcoukd you do that take a present for one child but not for another.
The aww but she may not have had the money won't wash. You can get s gift from the pound shop! Also if you're that skint you wouldn't buy for either child.
This would piss any of us off op, and don't believe anyone who tells you it wouldn't.

MovingOnUpMovingOnOut · 16/05/2015 23:35

I've already flagellated myself a bit today for the crime of being a mother so I'll save the martyring so beloved by some and say yanbu to think it is bloody rude. It is rude to turn up to a party without a gift, of COURSE it is.

That said I would think no more about it, rejoice that there's one less bit of tat to worry about and make sure I didn't spend much on a gift if there's a return invitation.

Reignbeau · 16/05/2015 23:36

I don't think you are totally unreasonable, I'd be a bit put out by that too. The polite thing would be to take a gift for both hosts or none at all if you really can't afford to.

mamababa · 16/05/2015 23:39

Well from an invited person, they may feel it likely they were invited by child A rather than B.

If two or more kids in one class have a party together but a child is friends with one and not the other then it's ridiculous to assume you'll get double presets. Grabby.

Original poster

shugfish · 16/05/2015 23:40

Movingon the unprecious side of me is saying "yeah less tat"

OP posts:

MovingOnUpMovingOnOut · 16/05/2015 23:42

snowglobemouse · 16/05/2015 23:43

it would have been much more polite to bring a gift for each girl but YABU if you let your dd see your annoyance

Permanentlyexhausted · 16/05/2015 23:44

How well does your DD know the child who brought only one present? Would their mother know who your child was?

If I and/or my DC didn't know one of the children whose joint party it was, I wouldn't buy a present. I would try to make it less obvious though (e.g. giving the present at another time, giving a voucher in a card). In fact it happened recently to us. A friend of DD's from babyhood had a joint party with someone I and my DD didn't know from Adam. We didn't take a present for her.

MadameJulienBaptiste · 16/05/2015 23:44

My son had a joint party last week with a friend.
They split the invites and each invitee buys a gift for whoever invited them.
If you save money by having a joint party you can't expect guests to shell out for two presents Imo.
One child didn't even bring a gift but I know his family are struggling at the moment so I didn't bother at all that my son had one less than the other child.
parties are about having fun not counting presents.

ConnortheMonkey · 16/05/2015 23:46

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

BackforGood · 16/05/2015 23:51

I think you are BU / precious too.
If the child isn't a mate of your dd, then I expect they'd know they were on the other person's list, so gave them a present. I wouldn't expect to take a present for the other person.

Original poster

shugfish · 16/05/2015 23:52

There in the same class and play together most days so know each other well.
Thanks for straight taking, definitely not wasting any more brain time on it.

OP posts:

mappemonde · 16/05/2015 23:57

YANBU to have noticed and thought it a bit odd and counter-etiquette. But, YAB a teeny but U to give it any more thought. My dd had a joint while class party and I didn't even think about the ramifications of 30 presents. We were inundated with gifts and there is no way dd would have noticed if someone hadn't brought one and I would have been relieved!!

littlejohnnydory · 17/05/2015 00:17

My dd and ds had a joint party. Invited two sisters (one in each of their classes) and they brought a present for dd but not ds! I thought that was odd and possibly some misunderstanding but it didn't matter, ds had plenty and would hardly have noticed.

I wouldn't have expected dd's friends to bring ds a present or vice versa though. I'd have felt awkward if they had.

WorraLiberty · 17/05/2015 00:22

I would have stuck to my £10 budget and split it between the two birthday kids.

However, you can't blame parents whose child is only really friends with one of the birthday kids, for not wanting to buy an extra present for the other birthday kid if their child isn't really friendly with them.

You and the other parent have obviously gone halves to save yourselves some money, so what's the harm in other parents doing the same thing?

5Foot5 · 17/05/2015 00:28

Actually I am going to say YABU.

This is based on one party our DD was invited to where she only knew one of the birthday children - a girl she had been at nursery with. They had a joint party with another little girl in their DD's reception class. We didn't know and had never met the other family or the other little girl and so didn't really feel obliged to stump up for two presents.

ReginaBlitz · 17/05/2015 01:17

You are being pathetic. Bet your daughter didn't even notice grow up will you parties are about the kids having fun, not who got the most presents. If any of mine are invited to parties by kids they hardly know guess what they take? Fuck all

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