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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

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Original poster

AIBU about birthday party

46 replies

shugfish · 16/05/2015 23:25

Had my daughters 5th birthday party this afternoon. It was a joint party with a close friend who's in the same school class. Joint invitations sent out with both girls names on them. One child brought a present for the other girl but not my daughter. AIBU to be annoyed or just being precious????

OP posts:

TinkerTailorSoldierSpy · 17/05/2015 01:57

I don't think you're being unreasonable to wonder why or to be a bit pissed off.

CloserToFiftyThanTwenty · 17/05/2015 03:46

I think you ought to have divvied up the guest list and been clear that double presents not needed, but if is taken my DC to the party I would have brought 2 presents

Jackieharris · 17/05/2015 05:57

I had joint parties growing up and we always had a present each!

I'd be mighty miffed if someone turned up to my DCs party with no gift. We have a deal here that we don't buy the DCs birthday presents- we pay for them to have a party (usually £100+) in the expectation that the gifts from their guests will be their 'presents'.

If a guest is getting a free nice meal and being entertained for an afternoon it's not unreasonable to expect a gift in exchange.

yetanotherchangename · 17/05/2015 08:07

YANBU - that's rude and hopefully your daughter didn't notice. On the other hand sharing parties does mean people have to buy a lot of presents.

As to the posters who don't bring presents - WTAF? If your DC doesn't know the birthday child well enough for you to send a small present, then they shouldn't be going to the party.

momtothree · 17/05/2015 08:24

Wow. I have twins and they had a few joint parties - we divided the list and invited x from y I would hate anyone to fee they are getting one party for two presents. Its cheeky. Bad manners inviting all the kids from both. Did your family buy for the other child assuming cousins went??

Ilovenannyplum · 17/05/2015 08:30

YANBU
I think its rude to go to a joint party but only give a gift to one of the birthday girls.
In the grand scheme of things, one less present won't be noticed by your DD but I do think it's a bit odd

Carmenandgetit · 17/05/2015 08:36

Wow jackieharris you expect other parents to provide your children's presents!

Round here it is normal to buy for the child that gave you the invite not the other one at joint parties. There was 1 party that had at least 40 children- most parents would not want 40 presents

Fizzyplonk · 17/05/2015 08:41

Tricky if you couldn't afford the hall hire/entertainer for 1 child to have their own party you might do soft play and receive 10 not 30 presents for a cost of maybe £120.

As it is you've split the cost of the party but are expecting 30 presents each (after splitting costs say £120 each). So you'd be getting the 'better deal.
A lot of people buying 2 presents will spend more than on 1 present as there's only so much you can get for a few quid- they only get 1 party in return though.
So I think YABU and petty.

Personally I'd be quite pleased to have 1 less party to go to though!!

slightlyconfused85 · 17/05/2015 08:45

I actually think it's rude and yanbu. If the girls are in the same class and the invitees from the same class too then it's not fair or polite. I'm sure your dd didn't even notice though op

AtomicDog · 17/05/2015 20:44

I am a bit at jackieharris too!
I know parties are expensive if you do them out of the home, but really, you buy your DC no birthday gift at all? That's pretty unusual I'd have thought.

ReginaBlitz · 17/05/2015 21:25

YetAnother... If they don't know them well enough Yet the child still invites my dc then that is just grabby in itself! And shows they just want the gifts, hence they get jack all off me. Who Am i to turn down two hours of peace on an afternoon? Don't get me wrong they do get a 59p card factory card

cariadlet · 17/05/2015 22:06

I think it was rude only to bring a present for 1 child, but it's not worth stressing over. We used to buy presents for whoever invited dd - but cheaper presents for a joint party.

When dd was in Year 1, she had a joint party with 4 other girls who had birthdays within a few weeks of each other. It was a pretty big party (all class, plus they each invited a few friends from outside school.)
On the invites we requested that each guest brought one present, but not to name it. At the end of the party we divided the presents equally between the girls - they still had enough presents to get excited over, guests' parents didn't spend a fortune and party girls' parents didn't end up with a ridiculous number of pressies that we didn't have room for.

Heebiejeebie · 17/05/2015 22:27

Oh god. My son went to a joint party and only took a present for his friend. We had never met the other child before the party (different schools) and it didn't even cross my mind. Still think that's reasonable though.

NewNameForMarch · 18/05/2015 09:36

I don't think you can have it both ways. If you want every child invited to bring a present for your DC then don't pay for only half a party. Have one for your DC and let the other parent have one for their DC so invited child gets to go to 2 parties and parents buy 2 presents rather than having to buy 2 presents for one party.

KERALA1 · 18/05/2015 10:11

What if your child very friendly with party child a but not b? Ie know that child b alone would not have invited your child as they not friendly but child a is a close friend of your child? We have had this when dds best and closest friend had a joint party with a girl we didn't really know.

Osmiornica · 18/05/2015 10:13

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

VolumniaDedlock · 18/05/2015 10:16

I get two presents for joint parties, but it does affect the budget. I'd normally spend up to a tenner, but for a joint party I'd be looking to get two presents for no more than £15.

crossroads15 · 18/05/2015 10:18

I think if the invites were joint, I'd expect people to bring two presents (or none which would be fine with me too). Bringing one does seem a bit odd to me too. Especially for 5 year olds when friendships tend tend to be quite fluid.

DurhamDurham · 18/05/2015 10:26

Depends of whether the child who received the invite is friends with both birthday girls. I've done both, if it's been a joint party where my child has been friends with both then I have bought two (small) presents. If they have only been friendly with one then that's the person I bought for.

I have hosted joint birthday parties before and can honestly say I wouldn't even have realised/remembered whether my child received a present of everyone. I see presents as bonus (as much of a bonus as plastic tat can be ) not a requirement.

It's easier now that they are grown up......they all buy each other a bottle of their preferred plonk and then share it before they go out, it's called 'pre drinks'. They are 22 and 18 by the way, I'm not a terrible mother honestly

fleurdelacourt · 18/05/2015 10:44

OP -really not worth fussing about IMO.

Whenever we hosted joint parties, we always suggested that if people wanted to bring gifts they buy just one. When the kids were little, they still got a black bin bag full...

Whenever mine went to a joint party, I would split the present buying with another family - she bought for one and I bought for the other. That way the kids got a decent toy rather than just plastic tat.

Not sure the kids ever noticed any of this - as long as they enjoyed the party and had something to open at the end, they were quite happy?

Feminine · 18/05/2015 11:32

This place really is a parallel universe.
You choose your budget, and buy for each child accordingly.
Apart from, perhaps upsetting a child - it would be bad manners not to.

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