Active discussions

Meet the Other Phone. Protection built in.

Meet the Other Phone.
Protection built in.

Buy now

Please or to access all these features

Talk
AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

To expect him to contact me from abroad?

50 replies

hannah0030 · 16/05/2015 17:51

We are in a long distance relationship as it is, see each other about once a month. This week he has gone away on holiday. I hadn't heard from him all day, and I text saying 'hey, when can we talk today?'. He replies saying he won't be back at the hotel with wifi until gone midnight, so we can't talk today. I ask him to call me (he isn't accepting my calls). He says it is too expensive, I say if you can pay for flights abroad, you can pay for one call a day, because I don't stop existing when you go away...AIBU?

OP posts:
thenightsky · 16/05/2015 17:54

DH is currently working in the US. He rings me every other day, but only for a few mins as it is expensive. I think every other day for 5 mins is reasonable.

Has your DP/DH gone a lads-type holiday where they want to forget home and 'real' life do you think?

Original poster
hannah0030 · 16/05/2015 17:57

It's a trip based on his hobby, so not particularly...
I'm just asking because I'm someone that likes frequent contact, whereas he is someone that can easily forgo it for a while. It's not a source of tension, but sometimes I'm not sure whether I'm expecting too much, or he is being too laid back and not putting in effort...

OP posts:
PtolemysNeedle · 16/05/2015 18:00

I've you've got something important you need to discuss with him or tell him, then you should be able to ask for a call and get one. If you just want to chat for the sake of it while he's busy doing things, then yabvu.

ilovesooty · 16/05/2015 18:00

I don't think it's reasonable to expect him to call at overseas rates. He texted back - you know he's ok.

Only1scoop · 16/05/2015 18:01

Yabu

He's away on a holiday....hobiday etc....probably busy ....and he has a point regarding cost. I'm sure he will contact when he back in wifi.

Theycallmemellowjello · 16/05/2015 18:03

How often do you usually talk? And how long have you been together? Personally I wouldn't expect to talk not on Skype with my dh when he is or I am away (we both travel for work sometimes) and it would be normal for us to talk about every other day rather than daily. Have definitely gone several days without talking when work/time zones have for in the way. Would usually text or email every day though, just a line or two. I actually think yabu on reflection.

NerrSnerr · 16/05/2015 18:03

I think YABU, he can't plan his holiday around calling you. You know he's ok because he's text you.

madwomanbackintheattic · 16/05/2015 18:05

Honestly? DH and I spent years like this before we got married, and since then he has been away on and off for years. Some weeks we don't have contact at all - but he usually manages to let me know his itinerary (usually forwards the flight details and hotel from the travel agent) - this is only since his dad had a heart attack and I had no idea where he was, just Egypt lol.

In fact, when I found out I was pg with dc1 I had to wait four days to tell him, because he didn't call, and I couldn't get through.

I can quite categorically say that if I had demanded attention more frequently, we wouldn't be married. The same works in reverse though - often I am out or busy when he calls, or he says he might call on Thursday and I reel off why that won't work...

You either need to chill or find someone who matches your required level of maintenance.

Thetruthshallmakeyefret · 16/05/2015 18:05

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

Original poster
hannah0030 · 16/05/2015 18:07

been together a year, I guess because we don't see each other very frequently we are used to communicating frequently via messenger / FaceTime / text etc

OP posts:
NerrSnerr · 16/05/2015 18:09

You need to accept he's on holiday so you're not going to have the same level of contact you would if he's at home.

ChampagneBabyCakes · 16/05/2015 18:26

If he face times / skypes using the hotel wifi tomorrow then I don't think you have any worries. If he doesn't FaceTime or Skype for his whole holiday then I think he is being pretty crap.

oddfodd · 16/05/2015 18:30

Talk via facetime/messenger then. It cost me nearly £5 just to book a restaurant on my mobile last month when I was on holiday.

YABU

Original poster
hannah0030 · 16/05/2015 18:34

That's the issue - we won't be facetiming / skyping the whole holiday because he is out 9am-midnight every day doing his activity / hobby, so whilst there is wifi at the hotel he's only there long enough for a cursory good morning / good night, which is why after him being there for 4 days already I got a bit miffed this afternoon when he refused to call me, and I thought well 5 euros isn't much in the grand scheme of things is it?
But no, totally take on board what everyone's saying, need to accept it's just a week.

OP posts:
ChampagneBabyCakes · 16/05/2015 18:44

He could FaceTime you from 830-9, no problem. Tell him you are awaiting his call (smile)

Original poster
hannah0030 · 16/05/2015 18:48

haha think I'll lie low for a bit at risk of pissing him off, and wait and see what he suggests when he is back in the wifi zone tonight

OP posts:
Hissy · 16/05/2015 18:51

You need to back off a bit, you only know him for a short time (as a long distance relationship permits few meet ups), and you are nagging him on a holiday you're not on.

Let him miss you fgs, relationships aren't supposed to be this much grief, long distance ones EVEN LESS!

UnsolvedMystery · 16/05/2015 19:02

It does sound a bit needy
A strong relationship should be able to cope with periods of non-communication. It doesn't sound like he has any free time in a busy schedule

Thetruthshallmakeyefret · 16/05/2015 19:44

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

NotSayingImBatman · 16/05/2015 19:51

Madwoman that sounds awful.

Pippa12 · 16/05/2015 19:53

I get you. I'm a girl that likes to hear from her hubby everyday when he's away. He goes away often on lads hols/golf trips as I do with the girls (minus the golf!) I trust my husband implicitly, just love him and like to hear from him once a day. We generally text at night when we get in or breifly in the day. He phoned 3 times whilst away for 5 days. This doesn't seem excessive in our group of friends. I don't think it's a reflection on you- it's just how you are. We've been together 13 years so it's worked for us. Tell him how you feel x

Original poster
hannah0030 · 16/05/2015 20:02

Um, yes thetruthshallmakeeyefret? We were good friends beforehand, and when we do see each other we stay with each other for about a week at a time...but yeah lack of seeing each other is why we place a bigger emphasis on contact like texting etc than a non-long distance couple I suppose.

I just texted saying I'm sure it's only 5 euros, can you call? He said sorry I'm just about to grab dinner so I'll message you later promise, and I said no worries talk to you later. I didn't have a go and we didn't argue about it, so I wouldn't go so far as saying I'm a madwoman...I was just asking whether expecting once a day contact or not was reasonable :s

OP posts:
Thetruthshallmakeyefret · 16/05/2015 20:07

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

SinglePringle · 16/05/2015 20:16

No contact for a week from a man who was on holiday wouldn't bother me in the slightest. In fact, I would hate to feel as if I had to make contact in those circumstances and I would hate the notion they'd contacted me out of duty even more. If they did call, I'd be over the moon but I really wouldn't expect it. That way lies madness for me.

I'd like missing them - it would make me very excited about seeing them and hearing all about their trip.

NotSayingImBatman · 16/05/2015 20:17

I was talking to another poster, called madwoman, not calling you a mad woman OP Grin

Swipe left for the next trending thread