And WWYD?

[SalyCinnamon]

My first AIBU so please be nice..

A couple of weeks ago I was asked to be bridesmaid at a very good friends (and cousin) wedding, she made it clear it was going to be abroad and wouldn't be offended if we couldn't afford it as we have a young DS.

Yesterday she told us the dates, venue, resort and that, so I had a look and it is very expensive, so I waited for DP to get back from work and thought we could discuss it.

I told him the price and he has just said no. He won't discuss it, I'm sure if we cut back on certain things we could afford it, but whatever he doesn't want to go, so I said me and DS will go then, he has said no to this too, that if I want to go I go alone.

I'm gutted, he knows I wont go without DS, so I've basically got to say I can't be a bridesmaid, my whole family and lots of my friends are going so I'm not going to hear the end of it.

I understand if he doesn't want to go, doesn't want to spend his money on going, or whatever, but I'm upset he is refusing to let DS go, all of his cousins will be there and we will be the only family not there. His reason for not letting DSL go is 'he's not going on holiday without me' which I understand, but he could come!

I'm unsure of what to do, the wedding is a year away so plenty of time to save money, but if I have to constantly hear about where the bridesmaids and going (they have meals, wedding fayres, fittings planned) I don't think I will forgive him, or will get more upset about it each time they do something new.

I don't think I'm prepared to not go, but I don't have much choice, I could either

1. go alone and not take Ds, but all of the other children will be there with their families and I will be alone and missing him.
2. tell him I am taking DS and if he wants he can come too, but I know I can't do this, I can't just take his son because 'I want him to go'

What would you do?
Would I be unreasonable to say, look me and DS are going with or without you?

It all sounds like a rather sensible choice of solutions OP, glad it got sorted without rows and resentment

I have to say I would have been a bit like your DH, having to make cutbacks to spend on a wedding when that money could go towards a fantastic family holiday would bother me. But, am not interested in weddings or close to family so see your point too, it's more differing priorities than anyone being twattish.

Agree with above if it was like that but she says best friend/cousin so I think sshouldgo . at least on own just for couple days , think looks selfish saying ccan't go then go on expensive holiday, think you're looking at a 1st holiday with ds all sentimental but in reality its hard work and you'll need another to recover, the wedding/holiday would be perfect as everyone can chase him around while you and hubby chill

My ds had the time of his life recently, going on holiday at 18 months, so can totally see that your dh wouldnt want to miss out on that, he had sooo much fun it was just amazing all being together for such a fun holiday. A resort wasnt our usual choice for a holiday but absolutely perfect for us as a family. They are so set up for children its brilliant. And he absolutely loved the plane! Going without dh would have been sad for him and ds to be missing out on major fun time together and would have been very difficult for me as really needed dh, theres no time to rest with a toddler! And in fact we did think that what would be even better would be if there were some of his friends/cousins there to play with, or grandparents would be good too so we could get some rest time ourselves. So maybe at 18 months this kind of trip might be good?

Can you maybe find somewhere cheaper to stay but close enough to the wedding to attend the wedding and some other fun (and maybe some babysitting from family for you and dh to be able to go out)but for it not to be your whole holiday and something more your dh would enjoy? Like a cheaper hotel/resort/campite near by? And if its cheaper maybe you could also do a cheap long weekend away as just you 3 before next year to be his first holiday just for the family, like a ferry to france or last minute break etc or camping would be really fun family time?!

Thank you all for your suggestions, we have decided that we will spend what we will usually spend on a holiday for the family, then with the extra money I will go alone for maybe 3 days to the wedding, the wedding is in a kind of 'party place' so we're not really able to book a cheap hotel with DS because it will be full of drunk teenagers, if that makes sense?

I'm going to phone my cousin and explain tomorrow, but I'm 100% sure she will be fine with this.

We have spoken to DPs uncle who owns a caravan and he said were welcome to spend a week there next month, just the 3 of us, which will be lovely, and a nice break.

Thank you all for your help, it's honestly really helped me decide